Not Enough Sunshine…Or Dancing Elks!

Jesus…what a shitty three days it has been. The weather turned to shit and my S.A.D. went straight to the redline and I’ve been depressed as a motherfucker. On top of that, my Sweet Little Purple Cornflower of Sweetness has been depressed and feeling terrible due to the ravages of her hormones. However, despite her poor state of being, she went into full Doctor Grace mode and made up great handfulls of vitamins/minerals/herbal supplements for me to take three times a day.

So anyway, thanks to her doctoring skills, I’m feeling much better tonight. Still not 100%, but that really won’t happen until we get a couple of sunny days in a row.

As for the dancing elks….well, you can never really have enough of them, can you?

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Don’t Forget To Feed The Aardvarks!

The Xmas dinner at my sister’s house was yummy and fun and had one big surprise: My niece Molly got proposed to by her longtime boyfriend, Nick. He gave her a ring and the whole nine yards. Personally, I think both of them are too young, but it’s their lives and Molly is a pretty smart young lady so I reckon she knows what she’s getting into.

A company called Mutable Realms is developing a MMORPG called “Wish” that will have the distinct difference/advantage of having real live GMs online to help avoind many of the problems inherent in most MMORPGs. Well, folks, they are about to start their beta test on it. You can find out more and/or sign up for the beta here: https://www.mutablerealms.com/index.php

The Twelve Dog Days Of Christmas

No sooner did I finish my last post, which was chock full of canine references, than I heard Roscoe singing this merry little Christmas tune.
(What, your pets don’t sing and dance and talk on their cell phones and play Halo 2?)

The Twelve Dog Days Of Christmas
Words by Roscoe T. Cross

“On the first day of Christmas, my humans gave to me…a tree on which I could pee!”

“On the second day of Christmas, my humans gave to me…two pounds of meat and a tree on which I could pee!”

“On the third day of Christmas, my humans gave to me…three cats to woof at, two pounds of meat and a tree on which I could pee!”

“On the fourth day of Christmas, my humans gave to me…four yummy bratwursts, three cats to woof at, two pounds of meat and a tree on which I could pee!”

“On the fifth day of Christmas, my humans gave to me…five butts to sniff, four yummy bratwursts, three cats to woof at, two pounds of meat and a tree on which I could pee!”

“On the sixth day of Christmas, my humans gave to me…six beds to sleep on, five butts to sniff, four yummy bratwursts, three cats to woof at, two pounds of meat and a tree on which I could pee!”

“On the seventh day of Christmas, my humans gave to me…seven bowls of dog rice, six beds to sleep on, five butts to sniff, four yummy bratwursts, three cats to woof at, two pounds of meat and a tree on which I could pee!”

“On the eighth day of Christmas, my humans gave to me…eight bitches in heat, seven bowls of dog rice, six beds to sleep on, five butts to sniff, four yummy bratwursts, three cats to woof at, two pounds of meat and a tree on which I could pee!”

“On the ninth day of Christmas, my humans gave to me…nine cars to ride in, eight bitches in heat, seven bowls of dog rice, six beds to sleep on, five butts to sniff, four yummy bratwursts, three cats to woof at, two pounds of meat and a tree on which I could pee!”

“On the tenth day of Christmas, my humans gave to me…ten pounds of hot dogs, nine cars to ride in, eight bitches in heat, seven bowls of dog rice, six beds to sleep on, five butts to sniff, four yummy bratwursts, three cats to woof at, two pounds of meat and a tree on which I could pee!”

“On the eleventh day of Christmas, my humans gave to me…eleven kids to pet me, ten pounds of hot dogs, nine cars to ride in, eight bitches in heat, seven bowls of dog rice, six beds to sleep on, five butts to sniff, four yummy bratwursts, three cats to woof at, two pounds of meat and a tree on which I could pee!”

“On the twelfth day of Christmas, my humans gave to me…twelve bellyrubs, eleven kids to pet me, ten pounds of hot dogs, nine cars to ride in, eight bitches in heat, seven bowls of dog rice, six beds to sleep on, five butts to sniff, four yummy bratwursts, three cats to woof at, two pounds of meat and a tree on which I could pee!”

Small Change Got Rained On By His Own .38

Title courtesy of Tom Waits

Wellwellwellwell…it seems as tho Clan Cross will indeed be having an Xmas gathering of sorts. Got an Xmas card from Rosie (my sister) that included a note saying “Turkey dinner at 4:00 pm on Xmas Day. Be there”. And so we shall because: (A) Grace and I are up for a dinner that we don’t have to fix (B) When Rosie says “Be there”, well, you’d better fuckin’ be there.

Once again my 24 hour a day idea factory has spewed forth something I must share with you. Actually, TWO things. Could be ideas for TOON (or OTE) games…could be ideas for literary parodies. Hell, I dunno…I just have the ideas…

1: “Lemony Basset’s A Series of Unfortunate Dogs”, which chronicles the terribly troubled lives of the Bowowdelaire Pups (Violent, Krass and Stinky) starting with “The Awful Afghan” and continued in…”The Beastly Beagle”…”The Cursed Cocker”…”The Deadly Dalmation…you get the idea.

2: “The League of Extrordinary Animals”…I’m thinking Lassie…Rin Tin Tin…Trigger…Cheetah the Chimp…Babe the Pig…etc, etc, etc

Can we tell that Uncle Doc was in a canine/wildlife kinda mindset?

Them Warthogs Sure Can Dance!

Lifted from the blog of the ever swell delazan…

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.
5. Don’t search around and look for the “coolest” book you can find. Do what’s actually next to you.

From page 123 of the Feb/March 2002 issue of The Mother Earth News
“As nights get warmer, transplant tomatoes and other warm season veggies.”

Ok, so it’s a magazine, not a book. So sue me.

Saw “A Series Of Unfortunate Events” on Sunday. Not bad and Jim Carrey was substantially less annoying than I normally find him. The baby (Sunny) gets all the best lines. Maybe I’ll read the books now. It’ll give me something to read while I waite for the new Harry Potter flick.

And So This Is Christmas…

…or, here at Casa Cross, NOT Christmas. See, Grace and I haven’t really been big on most holidays for years. We like Halloween alright and we DO have out Unthanksgiving dinner each year, but most of the rest of the well known holidays just mean a day off from work for Grace (and for me about three times a year). Christmas especially has been fading away fast the last few years. The reasons are many: The religious aspect is lost on us, the shopping crowds piss us off, we no longer have kids at home, we buy each other presents throughout the year anyway, my family is always doing separate things during the holidays(Grace is estranged from her family), the glut of sucky holiday programming on tv is annoying…

… and even if we felt like paying for & decorating a tree, Roscoe would most likely piss on it.

So this year, aside from giving my mom a bit of cash and Roscoe a package of hot dogs, we got zero presents for ourselves and anyone else. We sent out no cards, either. I expect we’ll spend Christmas Day sleeping in, watching movies and cooking/eating a bigass taco dinner. And feeding Roscoe his hot dogs:)

Fried Oak Leaves And A Glass Of Rabbit Milk

By request of unclelumpy…

Favorite Movie?

the original King Kong

Favorite TV Show?

X Files

Favorite Book?

anything by Dr. Seuss

Favorite Color?

Green

Favorite Holiday?

Halloween

Guilty Pleasure?

Hell if I know. I seldom feel guilty about anything.

Dead Person You’d Most Like To Meet?

Winston Churchill

Live Person You’d Most Like To Meet?

Dr. Demento

Ficticious Person You’d Most Like To Meet?

Sherlock Holmes

Personal View Of Heaven?

Lots of money, no job, my 18 year old body back

Personal View Of Hell?

Being stuck somewhere with neocons and no way to kill them