It’s Like Living One Life, Only Twice As Complicated And Half As Fun

The question (from a few decades ago) that prompted the title was: What’s it like, living two lives?

And now, reason #571 why I’m going to Hell when I die:)

The Scene: Doc is getting out of his car at a local shopping center and sees two young women handing out religious flyers and asking “Have you heard the word of God?”

Doc’s evil muse, Ed, drops a small tacnuke of inspiration on him. Doc gets back into the car and retrieve’s a leftover picture postcard from last summer’s Route 66 trip. He begins writing. When he’s done, he puts the postcard in his pocket and exits the car.

Young Lady (to Doc): “Hello sir! Have you heard the word of God?”

Doc replies: “Heard it? Hell, he sent me a postcard from his vacation! Just got it today.” Doc produces the postcard and hands it to her. “Here, take a look.”

The Young Lady, now confused, takes the card (from the Big Texan Steak House in Amarillo, Texas) and reads it. It says…

“Dear Doc, Grace & Roscoe,

Having a great time cruising down Route 66…Tried eating the 72 ounce steak here, but couldn’t do it…Should be in Albequerque tonight…will call you when I get to Barstow.

Love, God”

The Young Lady reads the card and is, as far as Doc can tell, rendered speechless and semi-paralyzed. Doc takes the card and says (as he heads inrto the nearby grocery store “That God’s a great guy, but he’d better spring for the beer this time.”

When Doc leaves the store a half hour later, the two Young Ladies are gone…no doubt to see if God sent them a postcard.

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12 comments on “It’s Like Living One Life, Only Twice As Complicated And Half As Fun

  1. unclelumpy says:

    “Ed” you say? Describe him…

  2. jbru says:

    See. This is the sort of thing I think of about three days later. Only truly mad geniuses like you can do this on the fly.

  3. gbsteve says:

    Truly sir, you are a genius.

  4. delazan says:

    May I suggest….
    Doc:
    May I suggest the Get Out of Hell Free cards:
    http://www.goohf.com/
    I’m leaving instructions that one is to be burned with me when I am cremated. At least I know that when I get to Hell 1. all my friends will all be there, and 2. none of my relatives will.
    See you in Hell!
    -Lori

    • Doc Cross says:

      Re: May I suggest….
      Actually, Lori, you gave me one of those about 3-4 years ago at GenCon:)
      As for relatives in Hell, while I’m sure I have many there, most of my relatives are so bad that Hell won’t have ’em:)

      • delazan says:

        Re: May I suggest….
        Oh, I forgot I gave you one. I usually take a stack of cards to Gen Con and other gamer magnets. We apparently need “Get out of Hell free” cards the most. I hand out so many that I forget who has one already.
        Anyhoo, I, too, am afraid that some of my relatives may end up in Hell with me. Oh, well, I guess it’s my penalty for going to too few family reunions.
        -Lori

  5. erickavan says:

    ooooh, i wish i could think that fast! wonderful, just wonderful. every so often i’ll go up and talk with those types just to keep them busy and out of other people’s hair for awhile. can i steal your idea?
    e

    • Doc Cross says:

      I seem to have a pretty quick wit when screwing with religious folks heads. Here’s one of my favorites…
      When they start talking to you, act like you have no friggin’ idea what they are talking about.
      “Hello, sir, Do you know Jesus loves you?”
      “Some Mexican guy loves me?”
      “No…Jesus, the son of God!”
      “God? Who the hell is God? His son loves me? I’m not gay you know!”
      “No…no…JESUS…the son of our lord.”
      “Lord Jesus? Are you British? Is he from the House of Lords or something? I don’t follow UK politics.”
      “I’m talking about GOD…the Holy Bible is his word.”
      “Holy Bible? Is that a newspaper or something?”
      “You’ve never heard of the Bible?”
      “Nope…I subscribe to the Sacramento Bee. Used to get the New York Times, but I can’t afford it now.”
      And so on:) I’ve kept this going for nearly an hour versus a team of 3 holy handbill handerouters. It’s great fun.

  6. tashkal says:

    *That* is inspired.

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