Finding Things Before They Are Lost

…Aaah, those were the days. Well, nights, actually.

Well, since none of you chose a favorite subject line for me to write about, I’ll be spending the next few days preparing a somewhat different New Years Day Subjectapalooza. It’ll be a HUMONGOUS honkin’ post, so I’ll put it behind a cut. Look for it New Years Day.

I’ve decided to spend my half of the hundred bucks that my mom gave us for Xmas and get a CD player boombox. Nothing fancy, but since we don’t own a stereo, we really need something to listen to our growing CD collection on. Later in the new year, I need to get the car CD player fixed. It crapped out about a month ago and took the dashboard clock with it.

My birthday is on a Sunday this year (only about 31 shopping days left!), so I’m thinking I’ll take either a Monday or a Friday off and make it a 3 day weekend. What I’ll do is beyond me, since I doubt we’ll be out of our Adventure In Poverty by then. Oh well, I’ve still got a month to figure it out.

And now, off to slave in the pizza mines.

Tipsy Piglets

…they’ve been drinking fine swine wine

Doc’s Xmas Report

Xmas Eve: Grace and I drove up to Marysville and spent a couple of hours with my family at the home of my niece, Molly, and her fiance, Nick (and their dog, Thor). It was nice and my mom gave us $100.00. Now we’ve got to get her a present.

Xmas Day: Slept in…hung out around the house…cursed the rain…accomplished very little.

End of Doc’s Xmas Report

No episode of “My Wand Is Quick” this week. Next week for sure.

Candy Cane Confidential

…an X rated Xmas

To all of you, regardless of your holiday affiliation…


See? I found the perfect non-offensive holiday greeting:)

Not that I’ve ever given a fuck about offending people:)

Walking Hand In Pseudopod On A Starry Night

…when the stars are right

Doc’s Holiday Greetings Post

To all my Friends and LJ Friends: To you all, a INSERT FAVORITE HOLIDAY GREETING HERE! I’ll try to keep amusing y’all in the coming year. I hope Santa brings you lots of loot.

To the rest of the world: HappyMerryWhatever to you. Please try not to breed in the coming year.

To the evil fucks of this world: Die, you vile motherfuckers!

To the animals of the world: You outnumber us, for goodness sake. Do the math here…and remember, we may not taste good, but we are filling.

Doc’s Year In Review

Hmmm….let’s see…

The Year Of Adventure In Poverty continues, but there is a dim light at the end of the tunnel.

My dog died. That sucked terribly, but life goes on.

It was a year of Health Non-Events…Grace and I both had slight health scares that turned out to be nothing. Gotta be thankful for that.

Thanks to the wacky 2005 weather, my veggie garden was less than it could have been. Hopefully, 2006 will let me have a better tomato crop.

On the whole, my family and friends remained healthy and happy. This is a good thing.

I did Pro Writing in 2005. That felt good and was lucrative enough to pay a few bills and buy me a few goodies. Of course, the project I wrote will not see publication until early 2006.

After 4.5 years and just shy of 130,000 miles, our 2000 Honda CRV (AKA Curvy) is still running like a champ.

My Sweet Little Coconut Cupcake With Raspberry Filling Of Love is still the Greatest Wife In The Known Universe.

I’m not dead or in jail, so I reckon I’m doing ok. Well, except for needing that winning lottery ticket.

Doc’s 2006 Year In Preview

I don’t like trying to predict too many things, but here’s a few I’m pretty sure of…

Biggest. Veggie. Garden. EVER!

More Pro Writing. Mostly because I need the money and the Writing Fever is upon me.

Goodbye to the Adventure In Poverty. Coming in June to a household near me.

Increased gaming con attendance. DunDraCon…Conquest Sac…Kubla Con

10th Anniversary Vacation in Hawaii!

The Return of Canine Happiness to Chez Cross!

And now, off to work for me.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Reindeer

…ho, ho, ho, dude!

How Grace And I Will Spend The Holidays

Friday: I’ll get off work early…to go to the doctor (nothing serious). Grace gets off work at her usual time. We’ll do our regular Friday stuff plus eggnog.

Saturday: Wake up…do regular Saturday stuff AND buy gifts for my families pets, in memory of Roscoe…No presents for humans…At about 5:00, Grace and I will head to Marysville, to my niece Molly’s house, for the annual Xmas Eve gathering…about 9:00, we’ll head home.

Sunday: Sleep in…goof off…possibly drink more eggnog.

That’s it. Our New Years will be surprisingly similar, minus the gathering with my family.

Live Nerd Girls

…and they do larp dances

Oh Laziness, thy name is Doc. I know, I missed the fiction entry for last week and am a day late for this week. I’m a baaaaaaad boy.

My Wand Is Quick: Part 5

“What do you know about my fix?” Pete said as the elevator came to a stop at the first floor. “I haven’t told you anything about it yet.”

As the doors slid open, Arielle poked her head out and gave a quick look around. Seeing that all was clear, she grabbed Pete by the arm and hustled him through the lobby.

“I know that you’ve been attacked at least a couple of times by strange little creatures. You’ve fought them off or outrun them pretty easily, but they’re getting bigger and tougher, aren’t they?” She glanced at his face and got an affirmative nod.

She kept talking as she lead him down the street towards her house, all the while looking out for a potential ambush. “That’s what being Touched is all about, Pete. You’ve been turned into a magnet for supernatural creatures. Each time you fend off an attack, you ensure that the next species of creature will be a little bit bigger and badder. Eventually, you won’t fend off the attacks.”

Pete gasped loudly and stopped walking. “But…why? Who would do such a thing? Why me?” His voice was rising and people on the street were staring. Arielle resumed walking and pulled him along with her.

“Why? Because your fear feeds into a sort of terror power pool. Who? A sorceror, of course…maybe somebody you know. Why you? That I can’t say, yet. Give me a day or two and I’ll know more. Aah…home sweet home.”

They stopped in front of a classic San Francisco “Painted Lady” victorian home. It was painted bright green with yellow trim and seemed to be in very good repair. As they walked up the steps, the front door opened.

Arielle smiled and said, “Hello, Auntie. This is my client, Pete. He’s in deep shit. Can you rustle us up a couple of sandwiches and a cold one?”

Ok, Dear Readers, who is Auntie?

Harry Potter And The Dildo Of Fire

…Professor Snape better watch out!

Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe

Grace and I saw it this morning. In my opinion, it’s a good movie, but not a great one. The acting was fine and the fx were well done, it’s just that the whole story was…not different enough. I’ve seen too many movies that covered similar ground. Maybe I would have liked it more if I’d ever read any of the books. I will say that the much bitched about (in fannish circles) religious aspect was not only toned down, it was no big deal. Worth seeing, but maybe not worth re-seeing.

Oh, by the way, before the flick, we saw the trailer for “Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man’s Chest”. It looks to be great.

In Other News

My friend, smalley_smoot, sent me his printed out PDF version of “Savage Worlds”. For that, I thank him profusely and I shall soon dive into reading it whilst sipping on a tall glass of Pete’s Wicked Ale.

Today was a pretty lazy day, with the major high points being us seeing the Narnia flick and then finding out that even when I’m REALLY hungry, I can’t polish off the 1 pound hamburger at Fuddruckers.

It has been rainy and nasty all day, hence the aforementioned laziness. I hold out little hope for tomorrow seeing a change in either the weather or the laziness factor.

Just a note to remind you, Gentle Reader, that there is still time for you to choose your favorite Subject Line from my 2005 LJ entries. Those picked will be singled out for special treatment in my All Singing All Dancing 2006 Subject Line Review.

And now, it is time for ale. Alas, there are no whores to go with it, but that is probably all for the better.

The Lair Of The Purple Prawn

…Ooooh, spooky

Arrr, maties…another meme off the port bow!

1. Sous Chef
2. Manager/Projectionist at an adult theatre
3. Pizza Delivery
4. RPG Writer

1. King Kong
2. Raiders of the Lost Ark
3. Lord of the Rings (all three)
4. A Night At The Opera

1. Sacramento, CA
2. San Francisco, CA
3. San Diego, CA
4. Springfield, OR

1. Doctor Who
2. X Files
3. Good Eats
4. The Wild Wild West

1. Yellowstone National Park
2. Hawaii (Oahu, Maui, Molokai, Hawaii)
3. Indianapolis, IN
4. Baltimore, MD


1. Sam’s Kosher Deli, Citrus Heights, CA
2. Sher E Punjab, Carmichael, CA
3. Thai Palms, Sacramento, CA
4. Texas West Barbecue, Sacramento, CA

1. Werewolf
2. The Shadow
3. A Pregnant Woman
4. Death

1. Tacos
2. Curry
3. Barbecue
4. Seafood

1. Sex
2. A pint of Guinness
3. A very big bag of large denomination bills
4. Ice Cream

1. Doc
2. Bo (family nickname)
3. Dr. Love (don’t ask)
4. Master

1. Roscoe (Dog)
2. Mr. Bunny Rabbit (Netherland Dwarf rabbit)
3. Pig Pig (Guinea Pig)
4. Gandalf (Yellow Fronted Amazon Parrot)

Ok, So I Borrowed A Cop Car

…but I had a REALLY good reason.

Note: The above quote courtesy of my friend, Spider.

King Kong and I

About King Kong (1933 version)…

It’s the movie I’ve seen more than any other (about 150 times, including 3 times in theaters).

It’s my favorite movie.

I cried when Kong died (the first 25-30 times I saw it).

About King Kong (1976 version)

One of only two movies I’ve ever walked out on. (the other was Doc Savage: The Man Of Bronze)

The ONLY movie I’ve ever asked for my money back on (and I got it).

I didn’t see the whole flick until it showed on tv (and I was drunk then).

If I could buy up every copy of it, I would and then I’d destroy them.

About King Kong (2005 version)

It expands and improves on the original.

It looks great. Skull Island was very primeval looking and the 1930’s New York was just great looking.

I found not a single flaw amongst the acting.

I totally agree with Roger Ebert’s review. (and that doesn’t happen too often)

After this and LOTR, Peter Jackson can freeload at my house, use my credit cards (if, you know, they weren’t maxed out), stomp thru my garden and call me “bitch” if he wants to. If it will help him make “The Hobbit”, he can even watch sports or religion on my tv.

I cried when Kong died.

Warm Little Biscuits

…with butter and honey

T minus 5 hours until King Kong. To help pass the time, here’s a meme.

How do you feel about…

Abortion?: It’s a woman’s choice. Period.
Death Penalty?: Should be extended to alot more crimes.
Prostitution?: Should be legal and taxed
Alcohol?: Ok, in moderation.
Marijuana?: Should be legal
Other drugs?: Most should be illegal
Gay marriage?: Legalize it
Illegal immigrants?: Arrest them, ship them back, embargo Mexico
Smoking?: Stupid and suicidal. Make it illegal
Drunk driving?: After the first offense, lock ’em up for several years
Cloning?: It’s coming, like it or not.
Racism?: There’s only one race, human, so deal with it.
Premarital sex?: An excellkent idea, if done responsibly.
Religion?: Worst Idea EVER!
The war in Iraq?: Pointless, costly and criminal.
Bush?: A pitiful excuse for a man
Downloading music?: The genie is out of the bottle. Deal with it.
The legal drinking age?: 21 is fine
Porn?: See response to downloading music
Suicide?: Stupid, but if it helps thin the herd…

Cheese Moments

…that’s as gouda it gets:)

No episode of “My Wand Is Quick” until later this week. Gotta finish the Big Rewrite, then keep a Wednesday midnight date with a giant ape. My sleep/wake schedule is totally fucked.

More bloggishness soon.

Frank The Duck Hates MTV

…and he’s not too fond of VH1

Yesterday was not a day of really great accomplishments here at Chez Cross. We bought a few books at a local thrift store and stopped by a couple of other places, but aside from that, we mostly just lazed about. I did get a hefty portion of rewriting done on the Pro Writing Job. Should finish that puppy up tonight, which will no doubt cause my editor to shed tears of joy.

Today is starting out lazy, but will pick up the pace soon when I head out to work in the yard. I slept in until 9:30 (pretty late, for me) cos I’m trying to adjust my schedule to prepare for the midnight showing of King Kong on Wednesday.

I may start sculpting our Seussian Xmas Tree today, since I have to go near the art supply store later. Dinner tonight will be burritos…yum yum.

More bloggerifficness later.

The Tap Dancing Dingo

…he’s an outback Gene Kelly

Look, it’s a couple of those danged Friday Five memes!

1. What’s on your feet?


2. Turn to your right — what do you see?

An end table full of stuff

3. What is the last thing you ate?

Cream of Wheat with raisins in it

4. What can you smell right now?

See #3 above

5. Do you wear hats?

Nope. I’m all about bandanas, baby!

1. What did you want to be when you grew up?

Tarzan, Superman, Robin Hood, Captain Blood, Zorro, Spiderman, Batman

2. Did you follow through? If not, what happened?

Nope. Took a different path. Well, there was a touch of the Robin Hood bit…

3. Is your life turning out the way you thought it would when you were a kid?If not, is it better or worse?

See, this tells me a young person wrote this, because NOBODY’S life turns out like you thought it would as a kid/teen/young adult. And mine turned out, on average, better than I thought.

4. Paradoxes aside, if you could time-travel back to when you were 10 years old, what would you tell your 10-year-old self?

Don’t trust what adults tell you. Don’t try too hard to figure out women, cos you can’t. Never trust authority. Never doubt your abilities and talents. I’ll come back when you hit puberty and I’ll tell you all about sex.

5. Do you think the child you were, would like the adult you’ve become?

Like? Yes. Want to become? Never.

She Could Cloud Men’s Minds

…so all they could see was her

Way back in January, I reviewed the subject titles of my LJ from all of my posts in 2004. I’ll do something like it this January, but I’ve decided to ask you all to tell me which of my subject titles you liked best and why.

In the mean time, here’s that “Post the first line from each month of your 2005 posts” that’s going around.

JAN. Hmmm….I knew I wouldn’t break 20 on this, but…wow…

FEB. Ok, so I promised a couple of rants.

MAR. I planted about 20 daylilies on Sunday.

APR. While ricocheting around the internet, I found a Shel Silverstein site.

MAY. Spent the weekend finally putting my veggie garden in.

JUNE I’m feeling seriously mean and sick just now.

JULY Oy vey!

AUG. Ok, I’ve seen this meme in several folks journals and I’ve decided to give it a go.

SEPT. I’m sorry that New Orleans got all fucked up, but shit, they built the fuckin’ place BELOW SEA LEVEL!

OCT. Ok gang, here are my thoughts on the new televisions shows that Grace and I have been watching.

NOV. I’m fighting off my first wave of S.A.D. and I’m not doing a very good job of it.

DEC. So, as the dreaded Holiday Season rampages across this great land of ours, I figured maybe I’d tell you how Grace and I handle the gift giving thing.

The Rare Albino Pygmy Walrus Of Potawango Island

…the eat shellfish and whistle sweet melodies

My Wand Is Quick: Interlude #1

Excerpts from the book “Running Deer Woman Speaks: The Story of Magic In Native America”

“Once, the magic was not as real as it is now. Back then, only the shamans could make magic and sometimes it was hard for regular people to see. All they could do was believe the shamans.”

“Magical creatures were harder to find then, too. Many people said they saw them, but sometimes it was just a normal animal. The magical creatures never appeared before whole tribes back then, in the Old Magic time.”

“One day, many lifetimes before the White People came, the people saw giant seashells in the sky. These seashells floated in the sky above some villages, but not all of them. Then, clouds came out of the seashells and came down onto the villages like fog. It stayed like that for many minutes and the people were afraid and hid inside their homes. When the fog lifted, the seashells were not in the sky.”

“The next day, many people were sick. Their heads hurts and some of them went crazy and then died. The shamans were the sickest of all, but they did not die.”

“After another day, nobody was sick and they went back to their lives. Everyone was afraid though, that the seashell gods would return.”

“As time passed, people began to see many magical creatures. Some of these creatures were good and some were very evil. Sometimes the shamans would send them away, and when they did, they would use strong magic that everyone could see. The shamans became more powerful and started to act evil. The people feared them.”

“While the shamans became powerful, some of the women were dreaming at night. The dreams were always about many women standing together and using magic to defeat the evil shaman. After a while, women would talk about these dreams with each other. The more they talked about them, the more they dreamed and soon, they were all having the same dream.”

“One day, the shamans were doing evil things and acting crazy. The women who dreamed confronted the shamans and told them to leave. The shamans tried to kill the women with magic, but it did not work. Then, one woman came forward and she used the magic that all the women shared. With it, she killed the shaman and chased off the bad magical creatures.. The people were happy and after that, when a man would start acting like a shaman or when magical creatures would cause trouble, the magical women would send out their warrior woman to battle them.”

“And that is why, even in the White Man’s world, witchy women protect the people from magical creatures and the magic that drives men crazy.”

Stringbean Theory

…they hold the secrets of the universe

Well, as of about 7:00 this evening, I have me ticket to see the first showing of KING KONG next Wednesday at midnight. I’ll get home from the theater about 3:30 in the morning, sleep for a bit, then head off to work. Yeah, I’ll be draggin’ my ass all day, but it will be worth it, I’m sure.

Here’s Looking At You, Squid

…and then they went to Baja Calamari

Weekend To Do List Scorecard

So, how well did I do? Not very…

1: Correct booboos in the Pro Writing Project so they can announce/sell it.

Not yet, but the night is still young.

2: Help Grace do dishes

I traded doing ALL the laundry for helping her with the dishes. This worked out well for both of us.

3: Work on straightening up the library/game room

Walked in, looked around, felt how achy and stiff I was, said fuck it.

4: Vacuum living room


5: Finish mulching garden


6: Pick some spinach and lettuce and herbs for Sunday dinner

Delayed until Monday due to sandwiches for dinner tonight.

7: Write an outline for the Not Pro, But Could Be Writing Project.

Nope…fell asleep last night and forgot it.

8: Read from “Making Your Small Farm Profitable” (part of my Xmas gift from Grace) and “Ducks & Geese In Your Backyard” (which I bought for a buck at a thrift store).

All hail the bathroom, where much reading gets done.

9: Make dinner tonight.

Well, I’ll make my sandwich and the soup…so yeah, I’ll make dinner.

10: Work on the DunDraCon TOON game and mull over ideas for games/seminars at ConQuest Sac.

Nope…maybe tomorrow.

So I’m 4 for 10 here…damn…would have gotten more accomplished but that longassed walk I took yesterday just beat the crap outta me. Still, I did walk 2 miles today, so I’m getting back into the exercise thing. The undone chores will most likely get done in the coming week.

Mrs. Wangdoodle Learns To Bellydance

…Oooh, mama!

I’m feeling much better today. Another sunny day and a good night’s sleep always help. So did the 4.5 mile walk I just got back from, except that after not walking much in the last month, my legs feel like they want to fall off. Fortunately, My Sweet Little Capuchin Monkey Of Sweetness had some tacos and a big glass of water waiting for me when I got home. Now, well fed and hydrated and warm (it’s a cold & windy mofo outside, despite the sun), I’m ready to tackle my To Do list.

Doc’s Weekend To Do List

1: Correct booboos in the Pro Writing Project so they can announce/sell it.

2: Help Grace do dishes

3: Work on straightening up the library/game room

4: Vacuum living room

5: Finish mulching garden

6: Pick some spinach and lettuce and herbs for Sunday dinner

7: Write an outline for the Not Pro, But Could Be Writing Project.

8: Read from “Making Your Small Farm Profitable” (part of my Xmas gift from Grace) and “Ducks & Geese In Your Backyard” (which I bought for a buck at a thrift store).

9: Make dinner tonight.

10: Work on the DunDraCon TOON game and mull over ideas for games/seminars at ConQuest Sac.

Doc Tempest vs The Pets Of Dr. Loveless

…the April, 1958 issue

After several days of rain and overcast skies, today was sunny and cool and windy. It was also not enough to stave off a pretty bad round of S.A.D. Only the fact that I was busy as a one legged man in an asskicking contest today kept me from just sitting down and staring off into space and feeling like shit.

Tonight, tho, I was not busy and what with Grace going to bed early…well, I’m as depressed as I’m ever likely to get without somebody I love dying.

So, what follows is mostly venting. I’ll feel better soon…this stuff comes in waves…and I do know that how I feel is not a patch on somebody who suffers from REAL depression. Anyway…

I miss Roscoe
I miss my dad…22 years this February and I still miss him.
I miss the friends that I see far too infrequently
I wish I could be a better husband
I wish I could be a better son
I wish I could be a better brother and uncle
I wish I could be a better friend
I miss the bad old days. Maybe 3 people will know exactly what that means.
I hate my crappy skin
I hate being…domesticated. Not most of the time, but sometimes.
I regret not having kids
I hate feeling this way
I REALLY REALLY hate winter.

Nicky Knuckles Gets The Hot Goodbye

…yeah, the gun went off 16 times while he was cleaning it.

So, as the dreaded Holiday Season rampages across this great land of ours, I figured maybe I’d tell you how Grace and I handle the gift giving thing. Ya see, we like to make sure that the people we give gifts to get what they want/need…and we both hate shopping…SO…

For my family, we’ll give everyone (Mom, My sister and her husband, my brother and his wife, nieces & nephews) either cash or a gift card. Simple, easy and a sure thing.

For her family…nothing, because Grace severed relations with her parents and siblings years ago.

For friends…they don’t send us gifts…we don’t send them gifts…it’s all good…and saves everyone money.

For each other…we split XX amount of money…we spend half of our half on ourselves…we spend the other half of our half on the other person…thus, we get some of exactly what we want and a bit of unexpected (tho usually chosen from a provided list) coolness.

For our pets…well, we have no pet this Xmas, but the usual deal is treats and a steak/burger/something else yummy. Next Xmas we’ll have the girls and if they like doggie toys (Roscoe never liked toys) we’ll no doubt spoil them by buying many toys AND treats.

As for the question of Xmas cards…well, most years we just procrastinate and don’t send ’em. Might do it this year, unless a shiny object distracts us.

What about a tree and decorations, you ask? We don’t do them, tho I’m thinking I might sculpt a Seussian sort of holiday tree for this year. Lots of curves and strange angles and bright colors.

Xmas music? Carollers? Snow? Nativity scenes? I don’t fucking think so.

Styrafoam Snow Goons in grotesque and scary poses? I wish, but Grace won’t let me.

And now, off to gainful employment.