…and it’s powered by soybean oil, so it’s eco friendly
Damn! Will we never finish re-arranging this cursed living room so that I may watch my new tv for a bit before locking myself in the Game Room/Library to get some writing done? I swear by the Gilded Nipples Of Aphrodite that this foolishness will be done by tomorrow afternoon!
And now, from the Home Office in Mud Bay, it’s…
The Top Ten Things I Have Regretted Saying (with added parenthetical notes)
10: “It’s ok…that bull is way over on the other side of the field…he won’t chase us” (Lesson learned: distance can be deceptive and bulls can move with amazing speed when properly motivated)
9: “Dude, they said their parents won’t be home until after midnight! Tonight, we get lucky!” (if, by “lucky” you mean having to, at about 10 PM, leap half naked out of a third story window into an oak tree, do a barely controlled fall to the ground, then outrun 3 werewolves posing as guard dogs AND an angry father made entirely of muscles, by running through a peach orchard and hiding in a cold irrigation canal, then yes, it was a “lucky night)
8: “Hey, I trust you to know the way there. I’ll just snooze for awhile” (Note: one cannot go directly from San Jose to Yosemite by driving south, then west, then south some more)
7: “Those were great cookies, Auntie” (in fact, they tasted like barely sweetened cardboard, but my little white lie ensured that she sent me 3 dozen of the fuckers every Xmas for 6 years)
6: “I’m sure I can fix it” (no, I can’t)
5: “Yeah, those pants do make your ass look big” (I was SO young and dumb)
4: “Yes, I was staring at her tits. What’s wrong with that?” (as it turned out, there was quite a bit wrong with it)
3: “Ok, Mom, here’s the truth…” (despite everything they might say, mother’s really DON’T want to hear the truth)
2: “Sounds like a good idea…I’m in” (I love my friends and family, but time has proven that about 50% of their grandiose plans are decidedly not good ideas)
And the Number One Thing I Have Regretted Saying is…
1: “Susan, will you marry me?” (I still sometimes wake up in a cold sweat from that one)
And now, off to the Fraday session in Dr. Yen’s Rotisserie of Dermatological Goodness, then work.