The Day We Blew Up Roger

…and other tales from my childhood

Regardin our trip prep/house cleaning/garden prep so far: AAAAAAIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!

And now, more of Average Joe Week

The Doclopedia

About this character:  Jooooooe innnn spaaaaaaaace!

#53: Joe Orion, Starship Mechanic 

Stats (using FUDGE dice)

Body: +2
Mind: +2
Spirit: +2

Oh now, jeez, I haven’t seen one of dese in years. An old Asimov 250 with jump drive, right? Gosh, this is a classic, don’t ya know? There’s a fella back home in Fargo has got one o’ these.

Can I fix it? Oh yeah, you betcha! Might take a few days to get the parts, but I can have her up and runnin’ soon as I get ’em. Probably be costin’ ya seven or eight thousand credits, can’t be real sure yet.

Oh yeah, they got nice rooms over there at the Olympus Mons Hilton. Great buffet, too. Can’t beat our Martian cattle for a nice big steak or slice of prime rib. Got a buncha folks from Titan in town this week and things have been gettin’ a bit excitin’, don’t ya know.

Say now, is that a Ellison Industries particle cannon ya got there? Ya know, for an extra 500 credits, I can install the full auto upgrade for ya…

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Looking Down On A Room Full Of Wise Guys

…pucker factor: 9.5

365 Days, 365 Characters

About this character:  Yes,  Joe exists in a standard D&D type fantasy world, too.

#52: Joe Smith, Blacksmith

Stats (using FUDGE dice)

Body: +3
Mind: +1
Spirit: +2

Aye, I’m the village blacksmith and so was my father and grandfather before me. You need a horse shod or a weapon repaired or a new weapon made, then I’m your man. I charge a fair price and I can work fast, if needs be.

Oddest weapon I’ve ever made, ye ask? Well, that’d be a sorta three bladed throwing sword that I made for a feller about two years ago. He was passing through town with a bunch of other folks and he ordered it special. Had drawings of what he needed. Paid real well for it, too. Didn’t say what he needed it for, but a few days later, that giant that was troubling the folks over in Byriver was found dead.

So, what can I do for ye? A spring loaded spear launcher and some silver tipped spears? Well now, let me get a look at those drawings…

Nipplemania!

…sounds like fun

Gaah! Work is sucking…still no working laptop…the last minute “pack up for the trip” frenzy is nigh…bank accounts must be manipulated…soon, my head will explode.

But until then, here’s today’s character.

365 Days, 365 Characters

About this character:  Here’s Joe in the Pulp 1930’s, still just doing his job.

#51: Joe Doakes, Diner Cook

Stats (using FUDGE dice)

Body: +1
Mind: +1
Spirit: +2

So like I was sayin’, ya work at a place like this…on a busy corner in a big city…and ya see all kindsa things. Hell, I was on my break one day last year when that Dr. Havoc guy tried to destroy the banking district with his army of robots. I was across the street, talking with Benny the newsboy and we saw the whole deal go down, just three blocks from here.

Then there was that time that Doc Tempest…yeah, THE Doc Tempest…comes runnin’ in here, asks for all my salt and fist full of bay leaves. I gives ’em to him and he tosses me a twenty dollar bill! Turns out, him and his crew was fighting some sort of zombies one block over. Yeah, I didn’t know salt and bay leaves would stop a zombie either, but hey, ya live and learn.

And hey, don’t even get me started on what the night shift is like around here.

The Cut Ups Crash The Teddy Bear’s Picnic

…woohoo, chaos and teddy bears

Today is the start of TWO weeks of Average Joe Week in my mad quest to post 365 characters in as many days. And “Average Joe” is not a euphimism! Nope, the character is really named Joe and I show you what average mundane (yet often vital) job he has in 14 different gaming/fiction genres. Yeah, my creativity knows no boundaries:)

365 Days, 365 Characters

About this character:  Meet Joe, our average guy. Today, he’s in the modern real world just doing his job.

#50: Joe Jones, Sanitation Engineer

Stats (using FUDGE dice)

Body: +2
Mind: +1
Spirit: +1

Yeah, I’m a garbage collector. So? Somebody has to do it and the pay ain’t bad. Plus, some interesting stuff happens along the route sometimes. Like that time me and Duffy found that guy all cut up and stuck in a dumpster over behind the Wal-Mart. We answered all kinda questions for the homicide cops. Then, some Feds who said they were with Homeland Security asked us even more questions, but they got kinda wierd. I mean, who the hell asks ya if you’ve seen any wolves in the middle of the friggin’ city, fer chrisakes?

Anyway, sometimes ya find stuff ya can use or sell, like when we found a suit that belonged to Tarantula-Boy and we sold it to the Daily Trumpet editor for a cool three bills. So yeah, bein’ a garbage collector ain’t a bad gig.

Clockwork Raccoon Archers

…furry meets steampunk

Watched Heroes last night. Pretty darned good and it had just enough strangness and connectivity between the characters to be cool. But then, I thought Surface was kinda cool last year (in spite of it’s terrible twisting of science) and they pulled the plug on it after 15 episodes. We’ll see how long Heroes lasts.

On the other hand, last week I watched part of Smith with Grace and was totally and irrevocably turned off by the fact that the supposed “master thieves” carried guns. Fucking assault rifles, in fact. I suppose it can be chalked up to the utterly classless “gangster lifestyle” that is all over the various entertainment media. Still, I found it disgusting and I hope the show gets cancelled soon. No true thief, especially an art thief as in the show, would ever pack heat on a job.

And now, the final entry for Dogs & Cats Living Together Week. Starting tomorrow…and for the next two weeks…it’s Average Joe Week. And, since I’m not sure of my internet connectivity while I’m in Hawaii, next Monday I’ll be posting a whole weeks worth of characters. Hey, it’s still 365 characters in 365 days, bub!

365 Days, 365 Characters

About this character:  Any pet owner will tell you that dogs & cats are, by turns, cute, stupid, smart, loving, infuriating, disgusting, goofy, hilarious, stubborn and sweet. Today’s characters are mostly goofy and stupid.

#49:  Weenie and Bill

Main Trait (Weenie): Doesn’t feel much pain

Main Trait (Bill):
 Too dumb to feel fear

Weenie is a fat female Miniature Dachshund and Bill is a scroungy looking male cat of indeterminate breed. Neither of them is particularly bright and Bill might even be a bit brain damaged. Weenie is full of energy, but very accident prone. Bill is also full of energy, especially when it relates to food. As if Mother Nature wanted to make up for shortchanging them in the brains department, they are both very tough and resilient. They are the best of friends and often come up with “fun ideas” for whiling away the time while their humans are at work. Hilarity and property damage ensue.

When Zebra Finches Go Bad

…it’s not pretty, what with all the guns and dope

 

<Chef voice> Good morning, children!<Chef voice off>

 

365 Days, 365 Characters

About this character:  Another quick one.

#48:  Abigail & Charmaine

Main Trait (Abigail): Spirit of the Wind

Main Trait (Charmaine):
 Spirit of Fire

Abigail and Charmaine are the pets of a powerful sorceress. Both also serve as the physical bodies for their respective elemental Spirits. Abby is a very pale grey Afghan Hound and Charli is a vivid orange Persian cat. When necessary, Abby can run at speeds up to 100 miles per hour and even fly short distances. Charli is totally immune to fire damage and can actually generate a body temperature of up to 500 degrees Fahrenheit. Both of them can also enter the Realm of Elementals any time they like.

The Dungeon Of Icky Things

…and by the 3rd level, they were really icky

Paint me white and call me Snowy, I’ve finally got all the plants in the ground that I bought yesterday! Now I’m all set up, landscapefully speaking, until after we get back from our vacation…at which point I’ll need to stick about a truckload of bulbs in the ground and transplant about 5,000,000 other plants. All of this being done while Grace and I “Bassetize” the house and do boring stuff like work. Yeah, it’s a veritable Carnival O’ Fun here at Chateau Cross.

Lately, mostly after reading the LJ of bruceb , I’ve been getting nostalgic to run a good old fashioned AD&D dungeon crawl. Actually, I get this urge every couple of years, but often either fight it down or see it voted down by my players. Now, however, I’m conjuring up a super duper bigass dungeoncrawl/underground world series idea and I think I’m gonna run it for my players starting in January. I’ll write bits about it before then, but since some of my players read this LJ, I won’t offer up the really juicy parts.

My Sweet Little Orange Creamsicle Of Love has been organizing our itinerary for the Hawaii trip. She does this partly because she is a detailed trip organizing kind of person and partly because I’m a “let’s just wing it” kinda guy. Usually, we end up doing a bit of winging it, but it’s nothing like the old days where hearing the words “Doc took care of all the trip details” would cause women to faint and drive strong men to tears. Those were the good old days, altho I do feel kinda bad about that trip in 1983 when some of our group ended up spending the night camped out in a cemetary in Bend, Oregon. Anyway, this should be a pretty well organized and event filled trip…even if I won’t be able to get Grace to go too near a (as she refers to it) “fucking ERUPTING volcano”. Also, I’m told there will be NO swimming with sharks or stingrays, no wandering around in the untamed jungle and no “other crazy shit”.  SIGH…a victim of my own reputation.

And now, the latest installment of…

365 Days, 365 Characters

About this character:  Today, Toon gets represented.

#47: Delbert Dogge & Conrad Catt

Main Trait (Delbert): Dogged Determination

Main Trait (Conrad): 9 Lives

Delbert is a rather obese Basset Hound. Conrad is a raggedy looking Siamese cat. They are both the pets of Granny Goodpickle and they hate each other. There is a constant war going on between them to get one another blamed for doing bad things, kicked out of the house and sent to the pound. So far, Granny has been oblivious to their ongoing war. Both of them have Incredilble Luck and Cosmic Shift as Shticks and they both own Bags of Many Things. It’s a wonder the house is still standing.