The Rare And Beautiful Bouncing Mice Of Potawango Island

…they glow in the dark

Happy Halloween, y’all!

Today, we end People With Swords week with somebody who may or may not be a “person”. Tomorrow: Tiny Folk!


The Doclopedia #83

People With Swords: The Clockwork Swordsman


Nobody knows who built the Clockwork Swordsman, but there are reliable reports that he has been around for at least 200 years. Since the Swordsman himself cannot speak, he can’t confirm or deny any of the reports.

You never know where or when the Clockwork Swordsman will show up, other than the fact that it will be when he is needed. He might rescue a young woman from bandits today, then show up on a battlefield fighting an invasion of Prussian Mutantroopers next week.

The Clockwork Swordsman is 6’4″ tall, made of some silvery alloy that is nearly indestructible and is modelled after the knights of old. He cannot speak and seldom interacts with humans except for when he is fighting. He carries two longswords made of the same material as his body. He can fight equally well with either hand.

The Kitty Cats Learn To Dance

…and then they head to Broadway

Damn, was it ever a slow day at work today! Obviously, nobody felt like eating pizza. I can just imagine the owner of the store popping ulcer medication when he sees the receipts.

So, tomorrow is Halloween and Grace and I will most likely be doing nothing to celebrate. She will be at class most of the night and I’ll be pretending not to be home, cos we aren’t handing out candy this year. Or maybe I’ll just hit the sack early, since I have to get up early in the morning for another dentist appointment and will no doubt be pretty tired after work.

Grace and I have already decided that this year, our UnTurkeyDay dinner will be all about fish and seafood and various accompaniments. I shall give my fish cookery skills a workout that day, you can be sure.

I think this coming Saturday might find me cleaning out my garage. This will not be a job for the faint of heart, so I’m thinking I’ll need a bit o’ Guinness to help the workday pass more easily:)

Edit From 2019: It turns out that the owner of the pizza place, a software engineer who really never should have franchised a restaurant, WAS popping ulcer pills. 19 months after I wrote this, he shut down the store.

Three Guys Walking Past A Graveyard

…and then a bobcat screams

Well, my little woodland friends, Game Day here at the House of C went very well. Since we had all pretty much forgotten what was going on in the last series, we started a new one. This time, we are playing AD&D first edition. The players created characters (1 mage, 1 thief, 2 swordsmen) and headed out (sans armor) to explore an old abandoned village. They found lots of loot, got treed by a wild boar, killed same, came home, sold much loot and are ready to go exploring again next session. And now, they’ll have armor.


The Doclopedia #82

People With Swords: Will the Wanderer


Poor old Will just wanted to rack up some easy money by looting the site of the Battle of Black River. There he was, loading his cart with weapons, armor and whatever else looked valuable, when he saw the Sword of Jeradus. Since General Jeradus was quite dead, Will decided to grab the sword as the capper to his day of looting. He now regrets that.

It seems that, as he lay dying, General Jeradus, cursed the sword to seek out the traitor who had caused his downfall. Thus cursed, the already powerfully magicked sword was just waiting to be picked up by some fool. Enter our friend, Will.

Now, Will wanders the lands looking for the traitor. He has no idea who the traitor is, but the sword will know if it gets within a mile of him. So far, Will has been wandering for 2 years. He will often hook up with an adventuring group, in order to earn some gold. Given how powerful the sword is, most groups are glad to have him.

Will cannot get rid of the sword until the traitor is killed. Believe me, he has tried.

Will is 5’11” tall, weighs 180 pounds and has long brown hair and brown eyes. He is fit and healthy, but sad and tired looking. The sword is a rather plain looking 2 handed greatsword.

Mud, Crawdads And Whiskey

…a recipe for trouble

It’s Game Day here at the Old Homestead and after about 3 months of no roleplaying, I’m hoping my crew kept notes on The Adventures of Zora or I’ll be starting a new series. If I do start a new game up, it’ll probably be a good ol’ AD&D 1st edition fantasy extravaganza.


The Doclopedia #81

People With Swords: Melanna the Magnificent


It was after her very first trip into a dungeon, as part of a fairly large party of adventurers, that Melanna decided that just knowing how to cast spells was not enough. After all, once a Wizard uses up their daily allowance of mana, they become a whole lot easier target for those creatures that want to eat dungeon delvers.

So, Melanna returned to the city and spent her share of the spoils on swordsmanship lessons. Her teacher, Cedric Goldson, was a cantankerous old fart who had alot to say about a Wizard learning to use a sword, but in the end, he congratulated Melanna on being a very good student.

Now, when she ventures out on an expedition, Melanna goes armed with spells, potions, scrolls, magical devices…and a wicked sharp +2 damage silver broadsword.

Synthetic Guppies

…because we can, that’s why

Went to see my mom today and had a nice visit. Did a bit of gardening after I came home, then watched the new Hellboy animated movie “Sword of Storms”. It was pretty good.


The Doclopedia #80

People With Swords: Zeek, the Well Educated Barbarian


Zeek Skullsplitter started out life as the son of a mighty warrior of the Bloodaxe Clan. He learned the way of the sword early and looked to follow his father into the warsongs of the bards. Then, at age 15, he was kidnapped by soldiers of the Tarsik Empire…and taken to a school.

Oddly enough, Zeek did not rebel much when he was put into the Imperial Academy. Maybe it was because he was always a curious fellow. Maybe it was because he knew he couldn’t excape. Maybe it was the fact that there were 3 girls for every boy in his class. Regardless, he spent the next 7 years learning all he could…and getting lucky alot.

Now, Zeek is a sword for hire (hey, he likes combat), but is educated enough to know the value of getting a contract and being able to read it. Aditionally, Zeek enjoys learning new things and helping people…unless he’s being paid to slay them.

Zeek is 6’8″ tall, has long brown hair, brown eyes and well tanned skin. He uses a huge two handed sword and always carries a good book or two.

Pickled Bullfrog Sandwich

…it’s amphibalicious!

Damn! Almost forgot to post today’s character.

The Doclopedia #79

People with Swords: Samurai Monkey



To Hit Bonus: +3
Damage Bonus: +3
Dodge: +4
Hit Points: 30

In the Country of the Animals, there are many evildoers who flaunt the laws of Emperor Gorilla. Samurai Monkey is the swordsman charged with punishing these miscreants. With his two swords and his great skill in battle, he deals out swift and merciless justice.

Samurai Monkey is a Stump Tailed Macaque. He wears traditional Japanese Saurai Armor and carries two katanas.

Harry Potter And The Bitchy Witches

…Hermione and Ginny are both PMSing

The Doclopedia #78

People With Swords: Cupid The Barbareian

It was in the spring of 1991 when Murray Felderman woke up to find the Goddess Of Love standing beside his bed. Understandably, Murray was a bit surprised and more than a little scared. And yes, he was horny, what with her being tall, beautiful, sexy and barely covered by a toga. See, that’s kind of a dream come true for men…especially chubby little Jewish insurance salesman who hadn’t been laid since just before his wife Diane left him 2 years ago.

So anyway, the Goddess Of Love tell him she needs a new Cupid because the old one is retiring. Before Murray can say anything, there is a flash of light, a shower of rose petals, the scent of chocolate and Barry White singing in the background…and Murray is 6’6″ tall, buff as all hell, holding a bigass sword and possessed of a full head of long blonde hair. Also, he was well hung and wearing a leather loincloth. Score!

From that day forward, Murray was Cupid. He goes out every day and smites people with his Sword of Love, bringing happiness into their lives. At night, Murray gets to go to the Beach Resort of the Gods and get him some hot goddess lovin’. All in all, it’s a hell of a lot better than life with Diane ever was.