Month: December 2006

Wringing Out The Old Year

…just because I can

Well, my droogies, I woke up with a sore throat this morning. Now, this could be the onset of a cold…or a throat infection…or irratation from breathing thru my mouth while sleeping…or even allegies. Whatever it is, thanks to my narrow throat and equally narrow nasal passages, I’m having a hard time breathing and sometimes choke a bit. Right now, I’m OK, thanks to Breath Right Strips and a dose of Airborne and a mega dose of vitamins from Doctor Grace (to say nothing of the gallons of water, juice and herbal tea she is forcing down me). Hopefully, by the end of this 3 day weekend, I’ll be feeling better.

Anyway, I’m stuck here in my recliner by order of My Sweet Little Herbal Healer Of Love. I’ve got Vincent Price in The Last Man On Earth on the telly, the laptop on my lap and Extreme Basset Hound Wrestling: Chew Bones Battle going on all over the living room and dining room. The aforementioned wife is out finishing the shopping trip we began earlier that was interrupted by me becoming a big old sick wussyass whiner.

And now, I’m off to start writing my first LJ entry of the new year (and yes, it will take 2 days)

It’s Not Easy Being An Evil Genius

…or her assistants…or her gerbils

Just a quick post to tell everyone who doesn’t know yet that Sunday will see the passing of Narbonic into webcomics history. For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, let’s just say that Narbonic is funny, way cool, well written/drawn and most likely why the internet was created in the first place. Go now, and read thru the archives.

The Dark Knight Returns His Xmas Presents

…the Hawaiian print cape & cowl just didn’t work

Sweet Baby Jesus on a flour tortilla, it is one cold and windy motherfucker outside! It was very windy all day, but once the sun set, the temperature just plummeted. The girls got a much shorter than usual late walk, but they didn’t seem to mind much.

I may not post again until the first. It will take me that long to get my hugeass annual “Subjectivity” post done.

Oh, yeah, I’m also working a sorta secret project that some of you will become privy to in about a week or so.

More bloggo later

Walking Through The Land Of The Moon Apes

…no, they don’t moon ya

After laboriously tabulating all 9 votes in the “What Should Doc Try Writing Next?” poll, the big winner is…

Linked Adventure Seeds, with 4 votes!

The Build A Setting By Poll Results got 3 votes and the other two ideas got one vote each.

So, boys and girls, it looks like after the first of the year, I’ll be cranking out those adventure seeds. BUT…

…I’ll be using polls to let you suggest portions of each adventure seed.

And now, I’m off to bed.

A Hot Tub Full Of Egg Nog

…and a couple of hot elf babes

Dog Report

After almost 2 weeks together, the girls are starting to have nightly play sessions. Actually, it’s more like the Extreme Basset Wrestling Federation. There are lots of growls, barks, mock attacks, mock biting and wrasslin’ around, but it’s all in good fun. Daisy, being the dominate dog, wins all the matches, but Winker only remains submissive for about 4 seconds before attacking Daisy and starting another round. It’s all pretty funny to watch.

Holiday Report

Actually, as usual, there’s not much to report. No Xmas tree, no decorations, no presents (we buy stuff all year), no Xmas cards from us (and only 3 to us), no fruitcakes, few holiday movies (the only ones I really like are The Nightmare Before Christmas and A Christmas Story) and no Xmas partying other than the annual family gathering on Xmas Eve.

Still, we do loves us some egg nog (in extreme moderation this year, due to trying to lose weight) and we will be buying a few little prezzies for the girls (mostly chew toys and a new ball).

Year End Report

That will be coming up next week, along with my decision on which of the writing ideas I’ve chosen to pursue, based partially on the votes of those of you who put in your two cents worth.

The annual review of Subject Lines will commence on the first of January and may spill over to the second, seeing as how I’ve done more posts in 2006 than ever before.

And now, it is time to take my bitches out on the street for a stroll:)

Smuggling Jugglers

…it just sounded neat

I don’t think I’ve ever written about my dreams here on LJ, but last night’s dreamathon was a doozy.

First, I was dreaming that I was hunting a killer ape creature in the swamps of Louisiana. At one point, the big fucker attacked me and I speared him with this high tech harpoon thing. He sort of exploded.

Then, I seemed to have stumbled into New Mexico, where I was invited by Robin D. Laws to spend a few days at his spacious home. (I’ll note here that Robin actually lives in an apartment in his beloved Toronto, Canada) It was a rather futuristic looking home and Robin had more games and gaming accessories than you’d find at GenCon. Unfortunately, before I could look any of them over, I found myself in the sewer system of some big city. Soon, I was being pursued by either the living dead or killer winos.

I was armed with a pump shotgun and I was taking them out 2-3 per shot, but they kept on coming. Fortunately, the sewers began to turn into more proper automobile tunnels. I jacked a car from some stoner and was soon driving through the streets of Sacramento like the reincarnation of Steve McQueen in Bullit.

After awhile, I arrived at home, where Grace was baking pies. Lots of pies. Now, this is very unGracelike, but damn, those pies smelled great. Then I woke up.

The Tale Of The Thief, The Housewife And The Perfect Score

…it was…I mean…damn!

Lazy Thoughts On A Lazy Day

1: In a couple of hours (after Grace and Winker return fron the vet), My Sweet Little Chocolate Pizza Of Happiness and I will be heading to IKEA to check out bookcases, which we are in dire need of.

2: I’ve been doing some thinking about these so called “indie” RPGs that all the youngsters seem to be heated up about. I think a longish post may be formulating in my head.

3: So, who amongst you is planning on being at GenCon Indy next August? There could be something more than pure curiosity related to that question.

4: HEY! THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVEN’T ALREADY, GIVE ME FEEDBACK ON THIS POST!

5: I’m playing (not GMing) in a gaming session tomorrow. It looks to be an extremely funny experience. I’ll write more on it tomorrow night.

6: This is the time of year when gardening is very minimal, if I do any at all. However, it is also the time of year that we gardeners drool over nursery catalogs and plot our orgies of springtime horticultural.

7: I’m thinking that Winter Curryfest 2006 is very near. Ditto for me making a big batch of Hell In Your Mouth Chili.

And now is coming the time to get dressed for the shopping. More blogathon later.

Dark Green Happy Soup

…just like our mom unit used to make

Ho ho bloody ho! Here’s that 12 Days of Xmas meme.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, doccross sent to me…

Twelve pigs drumming
Eleven rpgs writing
Ten chiles a-gardening
Nine animals cooking
Eight zoos a-reading
Seven blues a-travelling
Six parrots a-hiking
Five ani-i-i-imated cartoons
Four wild animals
Three chicken tractors
Two roleplaying games
…and a toon in a nanotechnology.

Get your own Twelve Days:

Toons with nanotechnology? No good can come of that!

And for those who didn’t see it a couple of years ago, here is a doggy take on the 12 Days thing.

The Twelve Dog Days Of Christmas

Words by Roscoe T. Cross (1990-2005)

“On the first day of Christmas, my humans gave to me…a tree on which I could pee!”

“On the second day of Christmas, my humans gave to me…two pounds of meat and a tree on which I could pee!”

“On the third day of Christmas, my humans gave to me…three cats to woof at, two pounds of meat and a tree on which I could pee!”

“On the fourth day of Christmas, my humans gave to me…four yummy bratwursts, three cats to woof at, two pounds of meat and a tree on which I could pee!”

“On the fifth day of Christmas, my humans gave to me…five butts to sniff, four yummy bratwursts, three cats to woof at, two pounds of meat and a tree on which I could pee!”

“On the sixth day of Christmas, my humans gave to me…six beds to sleep on, five butts to sniff, four yummy bratwursts, three cats to woof at, two pounds of meat and a tree on which I could pee!”

“On the seventh day of Christmas, my humans gave to me…seven bowls of dog rice, six beds to sleep on, five butts to sniff, four yummy bratwursts, three cats to woof at, two pounds of meat and a tree on which I could pee!”

“On the eighth day of Christmas, my humans gave to me…eight bitches in heat, seven bowls of dog rice, six beds to sleep on, five butts to sniff, four yummy bratwursts, three cats to woof at, two pounds of meat and a tree on which I could pee!”

“On the ninth day of Christmas, my humans gave to me…nine cars to ride in, eight bitches in heat, seven bowls of dog rice, six beds to sleep on, five butts to sniff, four yummy bratwursts, three cats to woof at, two pounds of meat and a tree on which I could pee!”

“On the tenth day of Christmas, my humans gave to me…ten pounds of hot dogs, nine cars to ride in, eight bitches in heat, seven bowls of dog rice, six beds to sleep on, five butts to sniff, four yummy bratwursts, three cats to woof at, two pounds of meat and a tree on which I could pee!”

“On the eleventh day of Christmas, my humans gave to me…eleven kids to pet me, ten pounds of hot dogs, nine cars to ride in, eight bitches in heat, seven bowls of dog rice, six beds to sleep on, five butts to sniff, four yummy bratwursts, three cats to woof at, two pounds of meat and a tree on which I could pee!”

“On the twelfth day of Christmas, my humans gave to me…twelve bellyrubs, eleven kids to pet me, ten pounds of hot dogs, nine cars to ride in, eight bitches in heat, seven bowls of dog rice, six beds to sleep on, five butts to sniff, four yummy bratwursts, three cats to woof at, two pounds of meat and a tree on which I could pee!”

Midnight At The Rat Festival

…and the rats are rockin’

Stuff & More Stuff

The girls seem to be getting along better today, altho Daisy still has her dominance thing going, as well as a jealousy thing that pops up if Winker gets a bit too much attention from Grace or I.

I’ve started getting gardening catalogs in the mail. As you may recall, I refer to them as Gardener Porn. Now, finances and climate limit how many plants I’ll be putting in the ground this coming spring, but I’d say it’s a pretty safe bet that there will be some spiffy varieties of garlic going into the veggie beds. As for the flower beds, well, I’m thinking of planting a bunch more lantanas (cos they flower in many colors for about 9 months out of the year) and even more ground cover thymes.

For the Next Big LJ Writing Thing, I’m considering…
1: Fiction written in 100 words increments.
2: An RPG setting using the results of polls you answer.
3: A revival of my old “Variations On A Theme” articles from A&E.
4: Adventure seeds, with each installment linked to the last.
I’m not sure which of these I’ll choose (or perhaps I’ll come up with something else. What do y’all think?

Gotta walk the dogs. More bloggage later.

Introducing The Winkerdog

AID 003…and a little cutie she is, by golly

Well, it finally happened: I missed putting up an entry in my 365 Characters/Locations attempt. Shit!

Since I made myself a promise that if I missed a day, I’d end the experiment, it’s over. Still, I made it about a third of the way.

Now I need to think up what my next LJ writing experiment will be.

Dog News

Today, we adopted a sweet little 2 year old Basset girl named Winker. She has some birth defects (one bad eye, bowed front legs, minor skull deformities), but she is very friendly and loving and sweet.

She and Daisy seem to get along ok, altho I’m sure big sister Daisy will be the dominant girl.

A Dogster page for Winker (with pics) will be coming soon.

Dang, I just realized that now, this house has 3 females and 1 male. No wonder Grace is grinning. I’m doomed:)

It Was A Dark And Horny Night

…gotta love them horny nights

Not much going on here at Casa Cross this week. We are going to a dog adoption place on Saturday to meet up with another Basset Hound, this one a young lass named Winker. Grace has been emailing back & forth with the SPCA lady about her and she seems to be a very nice, tho partially disabled, doggie. The disability comes from the loss of an eye, which, given a dogs greater dependence on smell than sight (especially in Bassets), is not a huge disability. We’ll be taking Daisy along to meet Winker, just to make sure they get along.

And now, today’s location…

The Doclopedia #121
???: The Silver Dollar Saloon

As Saloons go, the Silver Dollar is pretty swanky. This swankiness is made possible by the many ways the management separates miners, cowboys, farmers, drifters and other folks from their hard earned wages. Booze, gambling, sporting ladies…the Silver Dollar has them all.

The downstairs of the saloon is dominated by the 75 foot long L shaped bar and the stage where a small band often plays and dancing girls dance. The rest of the downstairs is given over to tables, including those used for faro, poker, roulette, dice and other games of chance (chance being used in a more or less jesting way). There is a large backroom used for storing booze and a small office where the saloon owner counts his money.

Upstairs, it’s all about cribs for the ladies. There are 16 rooms, most of them fairly small, and a door leading to the back stairs, in case quick egress is needed.

Unbeknownst to most people, there is a trapdoor in the storeroom. It leads down to a tunnel that extends to a stable 150 feet away. This tunnel can be used for smuggling goods or people in and out.

Restroom facilities consist of a pretty fancy multi-user outhouse behind the saloon.

The Seven Secrets Of Time Travel

…oh, wait, they’re secrets

365 Days, 365 Characters/Locations

About this location: Here’s an island for fantasy worlds.

#120: Red Beach Island

This is a smallish island, 16 miles long by about 7.5 miles wide. As the name implies, the beaches are composed of a rusty red sand. This sand comes from the iron rich rocks that are found all over the island.

The tallest point on the island is The Dome, a 2 mile wide hump that rises 350 feet at it’s center. The Dome is, like much of the rest of the island, covered in grasses, ferns and miniature redwood trees that seldom reach more than 80 feet tall.

There are several spring fed creeks on the island and two large ponds. No humans live here, but wildlife is plentiful. Deer, birds of all kinds, foxes, giant tortoises, land squids, several types of rodent and quite a few reptiles are to be found.

The western side of the island has a natural harbor and, on the whole, this island would make a great re-supply stop or even a hideout for those adventurers that need such a place.

Blue Rocks And Pink Bikinis

…sorry, it’s classified:)

365 Days, 365 Characters/Locations

About this location: How about a nice little house?

#119: Ed’s House

Ok, so Ed is the one guy the PC’s in a game always need to go see. Maybe he’s an occult expert or a biplane pilot or a warp drive repairman or something else, they still have to go see him.

Ed’s house is a modest 2 bedroom place in a pretty nice working class neighborhood. Since Ed is a bachelor, it’s probably not a prime example of good housekeeping, but it’s not a pigsty either. Besides the two bedrooms (one of which has been converted into a storage room for…stuff) there is a kitchen, a dining room, a bathroom, a living room, a basement and an attic. The tools/books/equipment of Ed’s profession are all over the house.

Since Ed is used to dealing with adventurers, you can bet that there is a closet full of weaponry somewhere in the house.

Quest For The Magic Enchilada

…with red sauce, not green

365 Days, 365 Characters/Locations

About this location: This is the smallest location yet…but one of the busiest.

#118: The Restroom On The Edge Of Forever

Techinically, it’s restrooms, since it affects both a ladies and a gents, but still the name is kept singular.

As you’ve no doubt guessed, those in the know can enter these restrooms and, by saying or doing the right thing, open a portal in time and space (well, space being that of the surface of Earth). Generally speaking, the trip into the past lasts between 2 and 7 days.

Visually speaking, the restrooms look like medium sized examples of their kind. They are always quite clean and the soap in the dispensers always smells of lemons.

Juicy Lucy Saves The Day

…way back in 1972

Today was Game Day here at the House of C and our intrepid adventurers did indeed manage to get the goblin boy back to his family, with only a brief and stinky fight with some brain hungry living dead to slow them up. True, one of the characters did spend most of the fight doing the technicolor yawn because he failed to save vs the stench, but by and large, the fight went fast. This was mostly due to Grace’s mage using a wand of magic missiles to turn the dead attackers heads into a fine red mist.

Once the boy was home, the goblins proclaimed their undying friendship to the adventurers, fed them, put them up for the night and gave them a hefty box of gold nuggets. Later, just before sneaking across the border back into their homeland, the group lucked onto a stash of loot belonging to a recently deceased goblin con man.

The game ended with the thief making second level and the rest of the party very close to it. We won’t be playing again this month, but we’ll resume in early January with the group headed off to the Big City to sell off most of their bigass stash of loot.

And now, today’s location

365 Days, 365 Characters/Locations

About this location: This place is the castle stronghold of a Sorceror so powerful, he’d make Conan cry like a little girl.

#117: The Steel Skyfortress of Shandar Khan

Imagine a mighty fortress, measuring nearly a half a mile on a side, with a castle in the center that stands 250 tall. Now, make the whole thing out of enchanted steel, set it on a round disk of earth a mile across and 300 feet thick and set it to floating in the sky at an altitude of about 3 miles and then cloak the whole thing so it’s invisible and silent. THAT is the Steel Skyfortress of Shandar Khan.

At any given time, the fortress has roughly 3,500 beings living on it, many of them human. There are soldiers, slaves, apprentice mages and support folk. The fortress has room for horses and other riding animals, which are used by the soldiers when a raid is called for. Sewage and other wastes are processed magically back into fresh water and fuel for the furnaces.

Shandar Khan generally allows the fortress to travel randomly on the winds, but is fully capable of ordering it to go anywhere he wants. Since the merest sight of it is terrifying to most sentient creatures, he seldom needs to let loose his troops.

Most of the time, Khan is studying and plotting in his castle and leaves the day to day operations to his right hand man, Eveross Xorr, a damned powerful Wizard in his own right.

The Kitty Cats Drive Route 66

…and yes, they get their kicks

Uncle Doc’s Day

Well, we went to see “Happy Feet” (micro review: Catchy tunes, pretty good flick) and, whilst there, saw the new trailer for “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix”, which looks to be a must see.

After the flicks, we had a bite to eat, then came home to walk Daisy…do homework…was dishes & clothes…water the garden…watch tv…read…etc, etc, etc.

Not exactly a ball of fire day, but then, we are simple country folk:)

Tomorrow: Game Day! Will our intrepid adventurers manage to escort the goblin warlord’s son back home without getting killed? Stay tuned!

365 Days, 365 Characters/Locations

About this location: Every city and town in most of our world has one of these.

#116: The Old Dark House

The Old Dark House is not just an old dark house, you know. Oh no, it is something much creepier and much more dangerous. It’s a haven for monsters, crazed killers, ghosts and other thinks that bump in the night.

The Old Dark House moves around every few years. When it does, it transforms to look like the old dark house whose place it occupies. Then, it sits and waits for victims to enter it. Well, ok, it does allow the odd serial killer or werewolf or zombie out now and again, just to shake things up, but mostly it just sits and waits.

Inside, this homicidal home looks pretty much like any old abandoned house…if a cannibal cult lived there. Additionally, the ODH is rather TARDISlike in that it is much larger on the inside than the outside. In particular, there are lots of hallways and stairways and the basement has at least two levels, with 6 to 12 rooms in each level. Once in awhile, just for fun, the ODH will open up a Hellgate or a dimensional portal in one of it’s rooms.

As you might imagine, getting into the ODH is a hell of a lot easier than getting out. Destroying the ODH is absolutely impossible. What really gets destroyed is the original old dark house. The Old Dark House merely teleports itself to a new location.

Green Flamethrower Man

…he’ll fry your ass in an eco-friendly manner

365 Days, 365 Characters/Locations

About this location: This one is a friendly little pub in a small town…but it does have a secret or two.

#115: The Duck & Rose Pub

The Duck & Rose is located at #3 Dwarvenhammer Lane in the village of Pine Grove. The pub has room for about 60 people, altho it rarely sees more than half that. There are tables and booths and the bar runs the entire length of one side of the main room. The staff is friendly and the general atmosphere is one of good times.

But the pub has a couple of secrets. The owner, Hazon Dakes, is a traffiker in rare and hard to find magical items. Since said traffiking is forbidden by decree of the Queen, he asks and gets a high price for his wares.

The other secret of the Duck & Rose is that in the backmost basement storeroom, behind a rather large crate marked “Dried Fish”, is an entrance into a tunnel system. The tunnels run all over beneath the small town and connect with some natural caverns. If you follow these caverns down, they will eventually lead you to the demon world of Demara. So far, nobody has ventured down.