Don’t Stare At The Wild Prunes

…they’ll rip yer damned face off

Here’s Part Three of

Some of the subjects I come up with sound like book or movie or even song titles. Actually, quite a damned lot of them do, so they have been assembled below for your amusement.

Wandering In The Desert Of Dreams (this sounds like either an artsy fartsy high concept novel or a horror/modern strangeness RPG adventure)

Here Come The Beer Monkeys (no doubt a show for Adult Swim)

Time Travel For Dummies (it’s only a matter of time until this is published:)

Curse Of The Werevole (low budget British horror flick)

Knight Of The Long Knives (definitely an RPG adventure)

Chicken Soup For The Sociopathic Cannibal’s Soul (hey, they have Chicken Soup books for damn near everyone else)

Tales Of Martian Science (1930’s sci-fi)

Face Eating Zombie Goats (direct to video)

The Adventures Of Sally Smithfield, Girl Inventor (obviously, a pulp magazine from the 1930’s)

Curious George Pees On An Electric Fence (the sequel was Curious George Walks Funny And Cries Alot)

Attack Of The Giant Otters (the first sci-fi movie from Animal Planet)

Quest For The Magic Enchilada (the first fantasy movie from the Food Network)

Walking Through The Land Of The Moon Apes (sounds like sci-fi written on mescaline)

Midnight At The Rat Festival (hip urban horror)

The Seven Secrets Of Time Travel (cool novel or how to book?)

It Was A Dark And Horny Night (Bulwer-Lytton porn?)

The Littlest Mole Rat Saves Christmas (a touching Xmas tale that is totally devoid of snow, reindeer and elves)

Charge Of The Light Beer Brigade (who cares? Light beer is a sin against nature)

Dancing With Possums (low budget film made in Georgia)

Sherlock Holmes And The Adventure Of The Vanished Vulcan (I’d totally read this one)

Smurfin’ USA (if Chuck Berry had been, you know, tiny and blue)

Super Milk Chan VS Ren & Stimpy (no need to get stoned before you watch this one)

Attack Of The Atomic Baby (sounds like Roger Corman to me)

Herbert The Pig Goes To Town (a child’s book)

The Cast Iron Virgin (Steampunk teen sex comedy?)

The Street Where The Wolf People Live (rock & roll concept album)

Cult Of The Drunken Chicken (Jackie Chan Hong Kong flick?)

Night Of The Thunder Lizard (lost episode of The Wild Wild West? Lost Doc Savage tale?)

Red Butterfly Attack Unit (anime, of course)

Swimming In The Volcano Of Love (chick novel)

Power Armored Dwarf Hamsters (more anime)

Flying Mecha Pig Squad #47 (you guessed it…anime)

The Flame Women Come Home (horror? Rock band?)

Silent Duck Assault Unit (more anime!)

Chasing Down The Worst Nightmares (rock album from the 80’s)

Riding A Harley Through The Dreamtime (Aussie travel guide?)

Building A BattleMech Out Of Tinker Toys (another how to book. Keep it away from small boys)

The Lake Of Frozen Tears (horror or high fantasy novel)

Inside The House Of Whistling Fish (I’ve…got nothin’ on this one)

Here Come The Rock & Roll Mole Rats (Animated movie from the late 1970’s)

The Children Who Eat Fear (sounds like something Harlan Ellison would write)

Searching For A Midnight Princess (pop ballad, fer shure)

Horrible Cheese Creatures (another Adult Swim series)

Iron Chef Battle Mountain Oysters (self explanatory…and no stranger than some of the real episodes)

Teenage Ducks Go Wild (toon porn)

The White Witch And Rock & Roll Debbie Team Up (soft core urban fantasy porn)

Wuxia Death Circus (RPG or Hong Kong movie?)

The Dungeon Of Icky Things (definitely a d20 adventure from some tinyass company with a name like Buttmonkey Games or something)

When Zebra Finches Go Bad (pet handbook or avian porn?)

The Cut Ups Crash The Teddy Bear’s Picnic (yeah, something I’d write for Over The Edge…after about a 3 day drunk)

Here Come The Ice Cream Dwarves (adventure for a kid oriented fantasy RPG)

Night Of The Living Dude (low budget surfer zombie flick)

The Snake Man Hitches A Ride (Stephen King short story?)

Swimming Up The River of Madness (another rock album title)

Cows That Eat People (direct to video bovine horror)

The Strangely Amusing Story Of Mostly Purple Patty (not for kids. I like Mostly Purple Patty, so expect to see more of her in 2007)

The Blue Cow Boogie (hmmm…sounds like a Texas Swing song by Bob Wills)

Food pops up with great regularity, altho you wouldn’t want to eat much of it.

Dinosaur Meatballs (Mmmm…delish with Jurassic pasta)

Red Roses And Chocolate Cake (I’m sure this combination would get ya laid, guys)

Hot Buttered Clams On A Stick (actually, I’d eat this one)

Wild Soft Pretzel Migration (millions are trapped each year)

Squishy Lunar Cupcakes (sounds like some drug laced hippy shit to me)

Creamy Fish Pudding (I’m pretty sure thay made this on the original Iron Chef)

Squid And Strawberry Pie (oh hell no)

Fried Seaweed Sandwich (could be tasty)

Dark Green Happy Soup (I think I had this in the 70’s, in San Francisco)

Duckwaffle (getting the little bastards into the waffle iron is the hard part)

A Hot Tub Full Of Egg Nog (dip a Hottie in, lick clean, repeat)

Choice Cuts Of Gopher Meat (post-apocalyptic gourmet fare)

Popcorn For Breakfast (I’ll stick with beer & cold pizza)

Fifty Pounds Of Aardvark Jerky (how many aardvarks would that require)

Pickled Bullfrog Sandwich (a French dish, no doubt)

Meatloaf Milkshakes (no…no, no no)

Golden Octopus Puree (probably a big seller in China)

Belgian Waffle Golem (from the Big D&D Cookbook)


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