Doc Tempest VS Hell On Wheels

…from the April, 1965 issue

Doc Update

In a short while, after I finish my beloved morning tea, I’ll be off to stock up on spices and such from the Herb Lady. Then. later today, I need to grind some of my homegrown herbs up to make some Italian seasoning. Might grind up some chiles, too.

Once all the herbalisciousness is taken care of, I’ll get all domestic like and wash dishes. Of course, there’ll also be dog walking throughout the day.

And I must sow some spinach seeds in the garden.

When Grace gets home from the computer lab, I shall lay my burden down and spend the rest of the evening goofing off.

And thus, another thrill packed day is laid out for this simple country lad.

A Tender Nibble To The Inner Thigh


Doc’s new tv season review: Part 2

The Bionic Woman: Despite following an old tv series formula, (person must work for shadowy organization to save the world every week) this show’s first episode did not suck. In fact, it was pretty good. I’ll give it a few more episodes looksee.

CSI: Answered the cliffhanger question from last year in a very well made episode that kept you guessing. Still has a place in our PVR’s recoerding schedule.

Criminal Minds: Good episode that leads to Mandy Patinkin’s exit from the series. How the show will fare without him remains to be seen.

Mrs. Wangdoodle Gets Lost In The Jungle

…and ends up as a white goddess

On The Road With Violet:Director’s Notes

Enjoyed working with Percy Kilbride (Mr. Crinkleglass), Bette Davis (Miss Jessamine) and Strother Martin (Mr. Guppy), even tho it was only for a few flashbacks.

Voting seems to be leaning towards the pig. Need to contact the Swine Actor’s Guild to locate a suitable young porker.

Filming the river sequence in the Williamette Valley in Oregon, near Eugene/Springfield. Very nice scenery and lots of assistance from the city/county.

No emails from the studio. Perhaps there is a God.

Doing The Cruise Night Beer Toss

…Marysville/Yuba City, summer,1970

On The Road With Violet: Take Me To The River

As she sets off down the southern road, Violet cannot help but think about how the clueless folks of her village were no help at all when it came to finding out where the City of Glass actually was.

“Far to the north.”, said Mr. Crinkleglass, the owner of the used food shop. “I knew a feller whose cousin went there once, 40 years ago. Claimed to have seen a two headed dog there.”

“It’s off in the western hills, dearie.”, purred Miss Jessamine, the sporting house lady. “They say that at night, bands of roving savages gather around to gaze upon it’s beauty.”

Mr. Guppy, the town drunk, allowed as how he thought the City of Glass was off in a great desert that might be “kinda south easty from here…on the other side of a big mountain range.”

Indeed, the best advice she got on finding it came from her own Granny Ingrid. “Well, Vi, we know it’s out there somewhere.”, she had said while making a blisterberry pie. “So I reckon if a body walked far enough, sooner or later they’d just walk right into it.”

And so, armed with her Granny’s sage advice, Violet sets a nice easy pace and enjoys the beauty of the river and the springtime sounds of the birds in the trees.

After walking a couple of miles, Violet gets the distinct feeling that she is being followed.

Scorpion Girl And The Invasion From Jupiter

…it’s action packed adventure

Mind too fuzzy tonight…Body tired…will write Story entry tomorrow…until then, I wrote this earlier…

Doc’s new TV season review: Part 1

Heroes: Nice first episode. Some interesting stuff has been foreshadowed. The “no commercial” commercials sucked ass, but a PVR renders the suckage nil.

Journeyman: This totally failed to engage me. None of the actors were at all interesting and the whole “Change the past to help people” thing has been done to death on TV.

Bones: Starts the new season with a dive right into Really Weird Shit…cannibals, cults, conspiracies and personal problems galore for the team. Great stuff.

Reaper: Produced (and with episode 1 directed by) Kevin Smith, this series takes another old premise (mortal assigned by God or Satan to round up sinners/save souls) and puts a comedic slackeroid spin on it. Good for a few chuckles and Ray Wise makes a good devil.

More stuff later.

Turtle Racing News

…slow, yet exciting

Game Report: Fantasy Heroes

So today marked the resumption of gaming with my regular gaming group, as well as the start of a new series. The rules system is FUDGE and the setting is a continent spanning empire that has seen it’s greatest days and is now, after 1000 years, a safe smoothly running and boring place. There is no magic, everyone is some flavor of human and there are no dragons or other supernatural/magical creatures. Life goes on has it always has.

But not for four 16 year olds from different parts of the empire. For them, it’s weird shit time. Consider…

Three weeks ago, each of them had something very strange happen to them.

One young lady apparently spoke with and controlled several different animals. Her Player, Grace, code named her “Dr. Doolittle”.

Another young lady seems to be capable of building incredible mechanical devices…in her sleep. Her Player, Sam, code named her “Girl Genius”.

A young man from a nomadic tribe is convinced he controlled the weather on at least 3 different days. His Player, Paul, code named him “Weather Man”.

The last young man manifested several bizzare powers…lightning bolts, polymorphing of others, mind control. His Player, Arn, code named him “Mr. Wizard”

Today they awoke, butt naked, in a pine forest. In bodies they didn’t recognize. With new names and the memories of their former lives fast fading. This changing of mind and body has taken 3 weeks, during which they were kept asleep and transported to the remote northern mountains,

They were told that they were special and that a super secret organization called the Order of the White Bird existed to “explain things and help them on their journey”, altho each member they will meet can only tell them a little bit about the big picture.

They were also told that an organization called the Order of the Flaming Fist exists solely to kill them. No capture, no questioning, no deals…just death. Apparently, the agents of the Flaming Fist have some way of tracking them…IF they can get within 30 miles of them.

Finally, the agents of the Imperial Intelligence Corps are after them, despite not knowing exactly why they need to find these 4 young people. Most likely, somebody very high up in government knows something.

And so, today’s episode found the 4 travellers on the road to a remote mountain village, where they met their first contact at the White Bird Inn. (note: all of their contacts will be recognizable by some reference to white birds) They were given a rather cryptic map, told where to go to meet their next contact and informed that agents of the Burning Fist were no more than 3 days behind them.

That night, while they waited, for the full moon to rise so they could make their way out of town, the young lady known as Porrin fell asleep, then awoke after a few minutes. Speaking in a more mature and businellike voice, she set the others to gathering up stuff from local farms and the blacksmith shop. Within 3 hours, she had constructed a spring powered wind up wagon. Despite it only having a top speed of 10-15 miles an hour, it still got them far out of town before they had to abandon it due to thick forest.

We left off with them following a river that would lead them to their next contact and, hopefully, another piece in their puzzle.

Stainless Steel Dogs, Titanium Cats, Carbon Nanotube Mice

…high tech critters, those

Regarding the “storytelling by poll” session from yesterday: I received the following email from the studio.


Love the whole poll based writing thing. Very indie. Very experimental. Just a couple of minor suggestions.

We were thinking it might be nice to let your co-writers know who is cast as who. The brass is thinking some hot young property as Violet. Maybe somebody from the indie music scene. Could be great tie in potential there. Just a thought, amigo.

And speaking of tie in potential, can you give Violet a dog or cat as a travelling companion? Corporate loves that kind of thing and so do audiences. Plus, the back end money could be sweet.

Now, about the narration…hey, we love your voice, big guy, but our focus groups show that audiences prefer someone more “British”…or at least more smooth and cultured. Not that you aren’t cultured, but hey, there’s still that small town boy in your voice. We’ve got a list of possible narrators here. Just look it over, ‘kay?

Ian McKellen
Anthony Hopkins
Patrick Stewart
Sean Connery
Michael Caine

or, if you don’t like the whole Brit vibe…

James Earl Jones

Finally, are you still dead set against the whole Mostly Purple Patty thing? I mean, we’ve got it optioned and the fan base is huge. You’re still early on and it wouldn’t take much to rework it. Could be the next Harry Potter.

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts on this.

To which I replied:

Addressing your suggestions in the order they were put forth…

Violet is being played by Christina Ricci at age 16, only taller. Think an older, less sinister, less worldly Wednesday Addams

The idea of a companion does interest me. I’ll run it by the co-writers.

Ok, I’ve chosen another narrator. Being unfettered by things like time and space, I chose Vincent Price at the height of his carreer.

Mostly Purple Patty? No, absolutely not. I suggest asking Tim Burton to animate it.


Director’s Diary

So far, things go well. May have made a big mistake agreeing to minor suggestions by studio weasels. Could come back to bite my ass.

It’s All Fun And Games Until Someone Gets Stabbed In The Spleen

…spleens = comedy gold

Doc Starts A New LJ Project

Ok, so I’m gonna try my hand at a bit of “storytelling via LJ poll”. I will freely admit to being inspired by robin_d_laws most excellent Angels & Operators, as well as the lingering effects of watching an hour long tv piece about Terry Gilliam and his films. The format is familiar to those of you who have been reading my blog this past year, so let’s dive in.

On The Road With Violet

One day in May, young Violet Samantha Ingrid Thistledown decides to leave home and go to the great City of Glass, about which she has heard fantastic tales all her life. So, packing up some food, a change of clothes, a few personal items and all of the money in her (not at all wicked, but dumb as a bag full of doorknobs) stepmother’s purse, she steps out of her front door.

After a short walk through the village, she comes to a crossroads. Since she has no idea at all where the City of Glass actually is, she decides that one road is as good as the next.

The Story Of The Fair Maiden And Lusty Lumberjack

…and he doesn’t hang around in bars

Yarr, ye slackjawed seamonkeys, it be Talk Like A Pirate Day! Greetin’s to ye from Ol’ Cap’n Doc and seadogs Daisy and Winker. First Mate Grace be at work, teachin’ them customers an’ coworkers to either step lively or walk the bleedin’ plank.

I’m sippin’ me grog just now, afore I set sail fer the Pizza Islands. I gots me some fine Celtic music playin’ and a belly full o’ grub, so I’m in a fine mood fer goin’ out and sailin’ the seas of Sacramento.

More o’ this bloggin’ later, maties! Yarrr!

Junior Muskrat Goes To The Big City

…and gets run over by a taxi

Ok, so my blog here has gotten pretty boring. Far too much suburban domesticity reportage has appeared lately. Time for a change.

Note: All of the following are personal opinions. Just because I feel one way about something and you may feel differently, it does not mean that you are a common dullard with no hope of ever being cool.

Stuff I Think Is Idiotic

Leet speak. It’s cool, not kewl…rock, not rawk…the, not teh. Along with the rap/hip hop nitwits, you are lowering the intelligence bar for millions of already hoplessly stupid young people

Anybody who is not under 25 trying to look and/or act that way. You are not that age anymore, so deal with it. You look like a fucking idiot and the young people laugh at you behind your back.

The fucking GEICO caveman commercials. Cavemen were not whiney angsty insecure yuppie pussies. Oh yeah, the upcoming tv series is gonna suck, too.

Food writers. Not all of them, mind you, just the ones that forget that the vast majority of people can’t afford to eat at most of the places they write about…or forget that most of the dishes they rave about now are gonna be out of fashion next Thursday…or who forget that once upon a time they fucking ate and enjoyed the foods of the common man…or who kiss the ass of whatever chef is hot just now…or who are insufferable egotistic gits.

NASCAR. For Christ’s fuckin’ sake, all they do is drive around in a fuckin oval! If you can do a left turn at a high rate of speed, you can be a NASCAR driver. You wanna see real driving skill? Take a look at rally racing or the Baja 500 or damn near any other kind of auto racing. Well, except drag racing, which is even dumber than NASCAR.

Roleplaying game companies that keep cranking out generic fantasy D&D ripoffs. Hey, I know the game industry is not easy to make your mark in, but damn it, you motherfuckers are wasting time and trees.

Damn…gotta go to to work…more bitching/ranting later.

Doc Tempest And The Invisible World

…from the January, 1992 issue

And so another Sunday goes down for the count here at the D&G Cross Home For Spoiled Basset Hounds. After our vist to the dog park, we undertook many housekeeping and gardening chores. Once that tired us out, Grace and I rested. Later, I did some more work on the Game Room. Yes, the fun never stops:)

Tonight after dinner, I cranked out a basic series outline for “Fantasy Heroes” and it’s looking pretty good. I’ll try to give game reports here on LJ after each months session. Given the nature of this series and the monthly play schedule, I can see this lasting an entire year or longer. That’s good, because I’m not wanting to run anything else for quite awhile.

Doc Tempest And The Prehistoric Peril

…from the May, 1965 issue

Garden Update

I spent three hours in the garden today. Plants were transplanted, weeds were pulled, water was doled out, dead prunings were piled up and a short tour of the garden was given to a couple of pretty hot looking 30 something soccer moms who stopped during their walk to admire it.

Tomorrow, I’ll be turning all of my compost piles and attacking my weedy foes with the weed whacker. The horticultural fun never stops.

Game Room Update

Tonight, after I watch Torchwood, I’ll try to finish up things in the Game Room. There’s not a whole hell of alot left to do, really.

More blogging later. Food now.

The Rare and Beautiful Bouncing Whales Of Potawango Island

…don’t stand near them when they bounce

The Career Meme

My results were a bit…odd.

1: Pirate
2: Thief
3: Scoundrel
4: Highwayman
5: Outlaw
6: Smuggler
7: Ne’er Do Well
8: Free Market Capitalist
9: Evil Mastermind
10: Train Robber
11: Televangelist
12: Industrial Spy
13: Blackmailer
14: Despoiler Of Virgins
15: Dirty Bastard
16: Rum Runner
17: Republican Politician
18: Sinner
19: Blackmailer
20: Used Car Salesman

Happy Little Dinosaurs

…dancing about the garden

Meanwhile, I’m Still Thinkin’…

1: Despite my weeklong GenCon trip, I still have a strong desire to go on a long road trip. I love driving and seeing the sights North America has to offer. I blame this love of the open road and travelling on my parents, who would pack up the car and take the whole family on a longass two week vacation every year, as well as several long weekend trips and my mother’s famous “Sunday drives” all over Northern California. Unfortunately, Grace and I are going through one of our regular Adventures In Poverty, so any long trip is going to be several months away.

2: While working on the Game room, I came upon tons of notes I made for both game series I did run and game series I never ran. One of those had as its setting a land in the clouds above a pretty standard fantasy realm. Not real clouds, mind you, but great fluffy white living creatures that could levitate and had a consistancy “like a firm marshmallow”. There were notes for cloud dwelling plants and animals, as well as a civilization of 3 foot tall humanoids. I might just revive this project for future use.

3: Now that the daytime temperatures are dropping to the high 80’s, it’s time for Uncle Doc to plant some fall veggies, most notably spinach and lettuce. It is also approaching the time for ripping up dying annuals and starting yet another compost pile.

And now, I’m off to work.

Sneaking Up On The Queen Of Clowns

…so you can beep her nose

Dreamtime Doc

Holy crap, did I ever have a goofy dream last night. It started out with me riding across Monument Valley, Utah, with a group of cowboys/outlaws. We were riding hard and there was gunfire. One of the cowboys was Gary Cooper and another was my Uncle Robert (who died in 2001 and was who I was named after).

Anyway, we eventually rode into a town in this, our present year, and I was suddenly alone. My clothes had changed to some sort of Japanese kimono thing. I walked into a house and sat down to tea with several very hot young babes.

At some point, the house turned into a television studio and I was helping bake cookies with Rachel Ray and some flamingly gay guy. The cookies smelled incredibly good, but looked like big insects.

Suddenly, I was out on the open highway, walking. It was cloudy as hell, but hot and dry. There was tons of traffic, but nobody would give me a ride.

Then I woke up.

Mr. Porkwaffle Goes To The Fair

…and eats fried lard on a stick


1: Game room still not done. Stop looking at me like that.

2: After much flipflopping, I’ve decided that my main gaming group will indeed be playing a series based on the Heroes concept, but set in a fantasy world. First session is Sept. 23rd. The system will be FUDGE based.

3: Watched CNN today. Have decided that, using Gen. Petraeus/White House math & logic, I weigh 150 pounds, am worth 47 million dollars, am only 19 years old and have a 15 inch penis. Oh, and both my dogs can talk.

4: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull? Too long, but I’ll sure as hell go see it next May.

Bedtime now. More blogging soon.

The Dangerous Dormice

…I’ve got yer twinkle twinkle right here

Well hellfire, I thought I’d do posts on Friday and saturday, but the laziness hit me. Actually, the laziness is still hitting me, so I’ll do a short post now, then something longer after we take The Girls to the dog park.

Watched Torchwood last night on BBC America. Pretty good show. It’s on my weekly watch list.

Decided that money was too tight to go see Shoot ‘Em Up this weekend. Maybe next weekend.

After the dog park visit, I’ll be finishing off the Game Room. then, I’ll take pix and post them for your enjoyment.

My game submission for DunDraCon, The House That Jerks Built, has been retitled by the RPG coordinator. The new title is The House That Jerks Built: Doc’s 19th Annual Toon Game. I thought that to be very cool indeed.

And now, it’s time for my precious pups to get some socialization with other dogs. More bloggo soon.

The Very Creepy, Yet Surprisingly Romantic, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Halloween House

…costarring her worst enemy, Almost Yellow Yolanda

Doc Update

1: The game room is coming along nicely. Pix to come on Sunday or Monday.

2: The Giant Hawaiian Gourd seeds I planted have resulted in two smallish gourd vines and one humongous vine. How humongous, you ask? Try 73 feet from the tip of one vine to the tip of another. It looks like the Vine That Ate Sacramento. And yes, it has lots of little gourdlets forming along the vines.

3: Grace is fully involved in her two online classes for this semester. Both are some techie stuff that I don’t recall the names of. In October, she will also be attending an 8 week on site class. Me, I self educate. Last night, I read half of a book on milk goats.

4: The Lord Dog willing and the creek don’t rise, I may have reviews of Esoterrorists and Fear Itself posted here by tonight.

5: This weekend (for me) will be all about House Cleaning, writing robot games and gardening. Oh, I might go see Shoot ‘Em Up on Saturday.

6: The saving of money towards Daisy’s cyst removal operation is going well. I’m about 1/3 of the way towards the total. With any luck, she’ll go under the knife by the end of the month.

And now, I’m off to work.

Super Meerkat Justice Squad

…yeah, too much watching of “Meerkat Manor”

Chapter 99: In Which I Reclaim My Game Room from Indifferent Hounds

Once upon a time, we had a game room/library combo. Then, we got dogs and I thought “Hey, we’ll move the games and books and stuff into the Room of Doom and then make this room into a Dog Room, where our pups can frolic/sleep and be doggie. And thus was it done.

Except that the Hermanas Basset never really gave a rat’s ass about any Dog Room, instead pretty much laying claim to 90% of the living room.

SO…Yesterday I began moving my vast and friggin’ heavy game collection back into their former home, which is now the Game Room/Doc’s Writing Room. The library will remain where it is, in what is now the Library/Treadmill Room.

So far, I’ve moved about 18 milk crates full of stuff, fully 12 of them being filled with gaming mags and back issues of Alarums & Excursions. My RPG collection, which I have whittled down over the past few years, is a couple of milk crates smaller that it used to be, but this is offset by the increase in board games.

While sorting thru boxes of assorted con flyers, promo crap and other gaming detritus, I’ve found several posters that are destined to hand on the Game Room walls.

I shall post pics when I get the whole room finished.

And for those of you who are curious about the number of rooms/their use, in Chez Cross, here ya go:

Garage…Library…Front Bathroom…Kitchen/Dining Area…Living Room…Library…Rear Bathroom…Grace’s Office…Bedroom

Note that Grace’s Office is the same size as our bedroom, since it was supposed to be the other large bedroom.

More blogging soon.

Alice, The Flying Orangutan

…no photographs, please

There has been much laziness here at Chez Cross today. Grace did a bit of grocery shopping and I did about an hour of weed whacking, but other than that, it’s been all about naps and watching tv and messing about with computers and eating and such.

Later, there may be a bit more gardening…or maybe a refreshingly cold beer…or both…in my future.

And, of course, there was/is/will be dog walking.

More bloggage later…unless I’m too lazy:)

He Was Searching For A Danger Girl

…and then she found him

On The Subject Of One’s Name

The ever cool and interesting iamnikchick did a post about her name and it has inspired me to do the same.

The first thing you need to know is that I have three first names. Well, ok, my given name of Robert and two nicknames.

To my family and a very few childhood friends, I’m Bo. And no, you fucking cannot address me by that name.

To people of a professional nature (doctors, lawyers, judges, arresting officers) and a few old friends from grade/high school, I’m known as Robert.

To almost everyone else who knows me, I’m Doc. No, I won’t tell you how I got this nickname.

I am, and have always been, perfectly comfortable with any three of those names. Robert is a good name…popular, but not used to death like other common male names. There are lots of famous Roberts, which is also cool. Bo is what I was called by pretty much everyone from birth to my first day in first grade, when Robert kicked in.

In high school, a few people in Drama class (mostly girls) chose to call me “Bob”. I never ever was fully comfortable with that name and was very relieved when the nickname Doc came along.

Of all my names, Doc is the one that fits me best. I’ve been called by that name for 37 years now and I am more used to hearing it than I am to hearing my given name.

As for my last name, Cross, well, I like it, too. It’s a simple name, easy to say and remember. Unless you are mailing out junk mail or bills, in which case people just keep fucking it up. I’ve gotten mail addressed to Crouse, Cress, Criss, Crouch, Cruz (right word, wrong language), Croos and damned near every possible other mispelling. Oddly, none of these spelling impaired gits ever mispells Robert.

Naturally, over the course of my Wild & Misspent Youth, I used more than a few other names and nicknames. For the good of all concerned, we shall not discuss them here.

Why I Love Labor Day Weekend

Because 12 years ago, at a Labor Day Weekend picnic put on by a local computer BBS, I met My Sweet Angel, Grace. It was not love at first sight, but it was damned close:)