Fungus & Mold Quarterly

…now available online

My Wild & Misspent Youth

Transcript of the meeting held on March 15, 1979 at 1:30:23 pm
Common Sense: Ok, guys, settle down. A meeting has been called to discuss…
Penis: PUSSY!!!!!!
Primitive Brain: Mongo like pussy. Mongo want pussy.
Penis: You betcha, big guy! MEETING OVER! LET’S FUCK!
Common Sense: Hey, you assholes! Quiet down! Guilt wants to speak.
Penis: PUUUSSSSSSYYYYYY!!!!
Guilt: Ahem…thank you, Common Sense. Glad to see you. I thought you were dead.
Common Sense: No, just vastly underused.
Guilt: I hear ya.
Penis: Hey!!! Hot babe at 12:00 high! Let’s go!
Primitive Brain: Mongo agree with Penis. Mongo want hot babe.
Guilt: SIGH! Listen, you guys, we can’t have sex with this woman. She’s Marty’s MOTHER, for goodness sake!
Common Sense: A good point, Guilt.
Penis: She’s hot! She wants me!
Guilt: Oh, sure, she has made a a move that might be construed as…
Penis: MIGHT BE CONSTRUED???? She’s got her hand on our thigh! She’s got a horny look in her eyes!
Guilt: But think of how we’ll feel afterwards!
Primitive Brain: Mongo feel good after.
Penis: You and me both, buddy!
Common Sense: Yeah, she is looking pretty hot to trot.
Penis: PUSSY AHOY!
Guilt: But she’s older than us…and Marty’s MOM!
Penis: Who cares?
Primitive Brain: Mongo not care. Woman is woman to Mongo.
Guilt: But…but…we…
Logic: Excuse me, but if I could just run a few points by the committee?
Common Sense: Oh shit, thanks for showing up, Logic.
Logic: My pleasure. As to the problem at hand…
Penis: Speaking of hands, she’s rubbing our chest with the other hand! I’m dyin’ here! PUSSY!!!
Logic: …I feel I should point out that the woman in question is A: Only 12 years older than us. B: Divorced these past 3 years. C: Celibate for 6 months longer than that. D: A consenting adult and E: She’s…
Everyone: SHE’S UNZIPPING OUR PANTS!!!
Logic: I’m outta here. Common Sense, you with me?
Common Sense: Yep
Guilt: Damn! Why do I even bother?
Primitive Brain: Mongo gonna get laid!
Penis: MAN YOUR BATTLESTATIONS! WE’RE GOING IN! BANZAI!!!!!!!
Meeting adjourned at March 15, 1979 at 1:30:25 pm

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One comment on “Fungus & Mold Quarterly

  1. raconteurx says:

    Best internal monologue… evar. :D

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