Like A Spider Making Love To A Fly

…intense, but ending badly

I made a stab at being all domesticy and shit today. Grace was out doing stuff so I washed a ton of clothes, washed dishes, watered the garden and tidied up a bit. I was gonna bathe The Girls, but decided to put it off until tomorrow. Then Grace came home, we went out for Chinese, then came home and watched “Coraline” (which we both liked).

Doc Tempest VS The Zombies Of Broadway

…from the November, 1955 issue

Screwy weather here today. It’s overcast outside, yet we are supposed to have temps near 100. WTF?

Took Lucy out to pee a few minutes ago and damned near got hit in the face by a hummingbird. That’s like the 15th time that has happened since we moved here. I’m glad they love the garden but…damn!

I think barbecue will be on the menu this weekend. Something in the pork family…chops or loin, maybe.

More bloggage later.

Pictures At An Extradition

…that one made me groan

And The Poll Winner Is…

CyberPulp Time & Dimensional Adventures!

And why did I have you all vote on these genres? Why, to come up with adventure seeds, of course!

1: Death From Tomorrow: Wealthy and important people are being found nude and disoriented, babbling about having been kidnapped to the future! Soon, some of them begin to die from a strange malady. Can you and your team solve this mystery before more lives are lost?

2: The Evil Twins: People who look exactly like members of your team…down to their fingerprints…are committing spectacular robberies. Can this be linked to Professor Archer’s experiments with sub-spatial physics? With everyone from the local police to the FBI on your trail, you must find out…even if the clues lead to another Earth!

3: Seas Of Evil: During your battle with Doctor Loveless and his gang, a delicate experiment was disrupted, sending you all back in time to Port Royal, during the Age of Piracy. Now you are all that stands between Doctor Loveless and his mad scheme to rewrite history! Can you stop him and find a way to get back to your own time?

4: He Could Rock The World: When Professor Archer uses his Trans-spatial Equalizer to open a gateway to another reality, he never expected a terrified young lady to come through it, pleading for help to save her world from tyranny. Now it’s up to you and your team to journey to this other world and help defeat the High Lord Elvis and his Army of Rock.

That last one is a total riff on a Doc savage title, “He Could Stop The World”. I have no shame.

More bloggage later.

The Sad Mole Saloon

…full of weepy insectivores

Ok, So I’m On Facebook…Again?.

I just opened an account on Facebook as Doc Cross. I thought I had already started an account there years ago, but since I forgot about it AND have no info about it, I did a new one.

So, if yer on Facebook, friend me or whatever. I have no idea what I’ll DO with Facebook, other than TOP SECRET STUFF (that’s a private joke), but who knows.

Gotta go eat tamales. Poll results and stuff tonight.

Six Million Pounds Of Duck Fat

…they were some fuckin’ huge ducks

Stuff, California Style

1: Yo, members of the gaming tribe…only 12 days until the DunDraCon website goes live for you GMs to submit your games for consideration.

2: Speaking of the above mentioned Coolest Game Con In North America, they have scans of old DunDraCon program books from about #4 on at the website. It’s pretty cool to look through them.

3: Final DunDraCon note…I’ve just about decided that my 21st annual Toon game will be “Hairy Pupper and the Sorcerous Bone”.

4: In chatting with a certain Young Jedi In Exile, the subject came up of how people would react if godlike aliens forced all of us back to a rural agrarian lifestyle…or just took away all of our technology. We decided thay most teenagers and folks in their 20’s would just about go catatonic if they were deprived of cell phones (and landlines), computers, cars, shopping malls, music players, tv, radio, etc. Your opinions?

Must go eat. More blogging later.

The Yellow Submarine Sandwich

…at the Pepperland Cafe

Poll Results

Ok, so I should have known that “A Mix Of Any 2 Of The Above” would be the winner. With that in mind, and having just re-read “Weather The Cuckoo Likes”, I will use the popular “Cut Ups method to combine the other choices by twos.

Please wait one moment, while I draw slips of paper from a hat.
OK, the results are in. New Poll Time!

While all of those sound kinda cool, a couple made my brain hurt.

And two clarifications: CyberPulp is my name for the pulp world I created for RPing. It assumes that Nicola Tesla built an improved electrical version of Babbage’s analytical engine, starting the computer age in about 1920. Science is more advanced than it was in our world, come the 1930’s when most of the roleplaying goes on.

Fantasy Pulp is simply taking the ever popular D&D type of world and inserting pulp tropes.

So, vote, my loyal minions, VOTE! AhhhhHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

The Horticultural Whore Ventures Forth

…into exhaustion

Uncle Doc’s Day (so far)

1: Got up at the crack of 9:30
2: Showered sleepy eyed love and praise upon spouse and dogs, in that order
3: Cleansed body. Mind & Soul still waiting.
4: Got doughnuts for brekky
5: Sat around like a lazy lout watching tv
6: Bid spouse goodbye as she left on errands/mystery shops
7: Ventured forth into the garden at 12:30
8: Watered, weedwhacked, raked, shoveled
9: Turned and added to compost piles 39-Gamma (code name: Cozy Rattlesnake) and 97-Omicron (code name: Frisky Rabbi) (in honor of my old friend, Rabbi Bob)
10: Started to transplant herbs from containers to Herb Bed X-15/b (code name: Strange Clown), but realized it was now 4:30 and I was plumb tuckered out.
11: Returned to house. Fed dogs who, apparently, have not eaten since 1985.
12: Drank 11 glasses of water (shotglasses)
13: Sat down at computer to ease my weary bones and entertain y’all.

More bloggage later. Go vote in the previous posts poll.

Toad Poetry

…it won’t give you warts

We got home from CatCon2 an hour ago. The Magic Bus is in storage. The dogs are asleep and the wife is nodding off. It is good to be home.

Destination Sign reading when we entered California: The Cobalt Club

Destination Sign reading when we got home: Somewhere Over The Rainbow

The 31 Things You Should Never Say To An Astronaut

…#1 is “that moon landin’ was fake, right?”

Return From CatCon2: Road Report

(NOTE: The following is all fictional.)

My oh my, is it ever refreshing and stress free to snooze in a comfy bed while your artificially intelligent bus drives like a bat outta hell down the interstate. Right now, I’m drinking my tea and writing this about 20 minutes before we are scheduled to stop for a doggie walk and some gas. Grace is still snoozing.

After the stop, I’ll take over driving and Data can just scan for cops. Our newly revised schedule has is rolling into Sacramento about 10:30 tonight. WooHoo!

Destination Sign reading when I woke up: Cimmeria

Destination Sign reading now: Stately Wayne Manor

Doing The Hot Spider Boogie

…but not with a hot spider

CatCon2: Day 4, The Wrap Up

(NOTE: The following is all fictional.)

Another con is in the bag. Today, aside from the “I Hate…” seminar/bitchfest, I wandered the Dealer’s Room, played a few board games, walked The Girls, took Sharon to the airport and generally just relaxed. Grace played in a “Bohnanza” tournament and then played life sized “Kill Dr. Lucky”. We ate a spendid brunch at a place called “Chez Mom’s” and later ate about a trillion calories worth of pie at the “Post Con Cool Down Party”.

We checked out of the hotel this morning so that we could hit the road right after the piefest, which ended at 7:00 pm, Texas time. By 7:30, we were leaving Wilted Springs in our dust. We’ll head up to Amarillo and then shoot home via New Mexico, Arizona and Interstate 5 up the middle of California. We will be going straight thru, minus stops for gas, food and doggie bathroom breaks. In fact, we’ll only stop for food maybe once or twice, since we have lotsa grub on board.

But I won’t be driving all the way…because we have an auto pilot.

Yep, when I had the Magic Bus tricked out, I went for the very latest bleeding edge auto pilot setup I could get. We call him Data and even as I type this he is shooting us down the highway at 75 miles an hour. Later, he’ll bump it up to 90, since he can detect cops up to 25 miles away. Driving almost non-stop, we hope to be home around 11:00 pm, Monday night.

Next year, I hope to be at GenCon, if the economy improves and I can rob a bank or two. But for now, CatCon2 was a blast and if I end up going to DogCon3 next year, well, I won’t mind a bit.

Destination Sign reading when we left Wilted Springs: Down The Rabbit Hole

Destination Sign reading right now: Fortress of Solitude

A Tamandua In The Kitchen

…climbing around, looking for termites

CatCon2: Day 3, Part Two

(NOTE: The following is all fictional.)

Ok, let me just say that putting on an old time radio program (in this case, Adventure Gaming Theater) is pretty fucking cool…and more than a bit nerve wracking and funny. There were 10 of us in the studio, including the two sound guys and our female announcer. I played multiple bit parts, including Officer O’Malley, Jerry the Game Store Guy and Mudflaps, the Bloodhound. Grace played Mrs. Andrews and Yolanda the Telephone Operator. People all over the con, and indeed, all over town, heard it. I could do it again.

My two games were both only 2 hours long. One was an AD&D town adventure and the other was a Basic Role playing steampunk bank robbery caper. Both went very well.

In a few minutes, I’ll be judging a “sexy gamer” beauty pageant. The twist? Guys are judging guys and chicks are judging chicks. 7 judges for each. Yes, there is a swimsuit competition…FOR GAMING GUYS! I’m a bit afraid of that one.

In other news, I’m told that my girl Lucy took third place in a mechanical rabbit chase held in a maze. Go Lucy!

More bloggage tomorrow.

Sardine Smoothies For Everyone!

…well, they’re popular with dolphins

CatCon2: Day 3, Part One

(NOTE: The following is all fictional.)

Yesterday was hectic and fun. Highlights include…

The Toon game in which all 10 players were spies working for different agencies and trying to stop Ernst Stavros Bullfrog.

Winker and Daisy appearing as, respectively, Mad Eye Moondog and Minerva MacMastiff in the pretty hilarious canine LARP.

The Round Robin GMs only fantasy game. I’ll write more later.

Must run now. Doing two games, then rehearsal for the radio show, then judging a “Sexy Gamer” pageant.

More stuff later.

…And Then They All Ate Fish!

…pity I can’t remember the rest of the joke

CatCon2: Day 2, Part One

(NOTE: The following is all fictional.)

The Cross Family Con Schedule For Today…

9:00 – 10:00 am: Great RPG Settings seminar
10:00 – Noon: GMing a Toon session “The Spy Who Boggled Me”
Noon – 3:00 pm: Lunch & Dealer’s Room cruising
3:00 – 5:00 pm: Watching the all dog LARP “Hairy Pupper and the Deathly Howls”
5:00 – 6:00 pm: Open, probably in Dealer’s Room
6:00 – 7:00: Dinner
7:00 – Midnight: A Round Robin GMs Only Dungeon Crawl session
After Midnight: We gonna let it all hang out.


9:00 – Noon: Dealer’s Room, Board Games Room
Noon – 1:00 Lunch
1:00 – 3:00 pm: Nap
3:00 – 5:00 pm: Watching the all dog LARP “Hairy Pupper and the Deathly Howls”
5:00 – 6:00 pm: Seminar “Natural Medicine For Your Pets
6:00 – 7:00: Dinner
7:00 – Midnight?: Movie Room

Lucy & Winker & Sharon
9:00 – Noon: Dog Amusement park
Noon – 2:00 Lunch & Nap
2:00 – 5:00 pm: Preparing for and appearing in the all dog LARP “Hairy Pupper and the Deathly Howls”
5:00 – 8:00 pm: Dinner & TV
8:00 – 9:00 pm: Walkies
After 9:00 pm: Nighty Night

Mr. Porkwaffle Buys A Chopper

…and rides it out to L.A.

CatCon2: Day 1, Part Three

(NOTE: The following is all fictional.)

Oh, baby, was the live action dungeon I just finished fun! I played a rogue named Artemis and I was a lockpickin’ trap disarmin’ badass! There were 6 of us in the party: 2 fighters, one priestess, one rogue and two mages. The priestess was played by my friend, Mary Jones and we had some big fun.

Gotta make this a quick post, due to imminent partying.

Spa Trip: Was great! I felt like a new man, altho unfortunately I still look like the old one.

Dinner: I ate tamales and drank horchata during my OTE game.

The OTE Game: Went exceedingly well, altho I had not run that adventure for about 11 years. I had 7 players and they successfully stopped the headless android from the future with only a minimal loss of life and property.

The Dogs: Had, according to Sharon, a hell of a day out. Squirrels were chased, other dogs (including Prince Nibbler, newest fur kid of delazan and notoriousbkc) were met, tasty treats were eaten and baths were had. Last I saw of them, they were snoozing hard in Sharon’s room.

Grace: Has been playing board and card games all day…and making a big list of the ones she wants to buy.

Big Screen Madness: Outside the Dealer’s Room, they have several 60″ flatscreen monitors set up. They are showing live broadcasts from GenCon! Apparently, CatCon sent people there to wear helmet cams and just wander around. It’s pretty cool.

And now, Guinness and talking beckon to me.

The Chubby Mud Golem Episode

…not on tv tonight

CatCon2: Day 1, Part Two

(NOTE: The following is all fictional.)

Quick post before going to the spa to be covered in mud and then made all beautiful.

The “ask a GM anything” seminar was very interesting. The first half of it was limited to gaming questions. Then our moderator, Penny (who is pregnant with twins and due on September 5th) told us that the second half would be open to questions on topics other than gaming. At first, this was the standard “Which Trek/Doctor/Bond/Etc Is Your Favorite?” sort of questions. Then they got more interesting. Among them…

“Can you show us your tatoos?” (Spike and I were able to sit that one out)
“How did you get your nickname?” (but not this one)
“If you were a monster, which one would you be? (I chose King Kong)
“Can you all sing Bohemian Rhapsody?” (from the moderator…and she had a karaoke machine…and we did…not too badly)

And then the last question…the one that stopped the show…

“Can you tell us your favorite joke?”

The other 6 panel members told jokes ranging from mild to pretty dirty. Fortunately, this was an age 18+ seminar…because I told “The Aristocrats”.

To be fair, I warned everyone beforehand and 3 people (out of maybe 50) left.

I told a short version…maybe 7 minutes long. Some folks were stunned into silence, but most laughed. Our moderator was laughing so hard, I feared she might go into early labor. And then I got a near standing ovation.

Pretty cool.

Ok, Grace is giving me the stink eye and pointing at the clock. I’m outta here. More fictional con reportage later.

GoGo, The Fastest Kinkajou On Earth

…and he’s smart, too

CatCon2: Day 1, Part One

(NOTE: The following is all fictional.)

If this post ends suddenly, it will be because my head has fallen off. Bourbon, I hate you.

So anyway, last night was the big dinner/dance/beer bash that starts the con off for Guests of Honor, Featured GMs, Con Staff and Gaming Luminaries (the few who are not at GenCon). It was great, altho I should have passed on the free bourbon that some of these mad Texans were pouring for free. On top of 4 or 5 pints of Guinness, it was enough to not only get me dancing (and I use “dancing” in the loosest definition of the word) with about 7 different women (including my wife, Mary Jones, Miranda Jones and several congoers whose names I cannot recall), but I actually got persuaded to get up on stage with the band and sing “Excitable Boy”. I’m told I did pretty well.

But now it is morning, we are back from breakfast, Sharon is getting ready to take The Girls to a doggie/human day spa, Grace and I are preparing to go to the con and, assuming my head does not explode, all is right with the world.

My schedule for today…

9:00 am – 11:00 am: Wander the Dealers Room
11:00 am – 12:00 pm: “Ask A GM Anything” seminar
12:00 pm – 2:30 pm: Lunch, then a trip to a spa. I don’t normally do chick things like spas, but this one rocks.
3:00 pm – 7:00 pm: I GM an OTE game “Now Where Did I Put My Head?”
7:00 pm – 10:00 pm: Live action dungeon!
10:00 pm – Whenever: schmoozing, partying, etc, etc.

More bloggage later.

Stalking The Wild Canadian Roleplayer

…in Texas

CatCon2: Day 0, Part One

(NOTE: The following is all fictional.)

Greetings from CatCon2! Well, the con officially starts tomorrow at 9:00 am, but we are here in Wilted Springs now…along with several thousand other gamers.

We actually arrived at 10:30, having been too excited to sleep in late. Initially, our plan was to arrive about noon and meet our friends the Joneses for lunch. Since we arrived early, we checked into the hotel and just kinda relaxed. Did I mention that the entire top floor of this hotel has all of the rooms reserved for Guests of Honor and Featured GMs? Well, it does! Pretty sweet, if you ask me.

About 11:00, Spike called me to say they were in town and on the way to the hotel. We took The Girls to the 10th floor, which is completely given over to an indoor dog park and about 30 minutes later (and several laps of chasing a robotic rabbit for Lucy) we were joined by Spike, Mary and Miranda.

Our lunch of choice was dim sum and it was pretty damned good. Normally, at a con, the next thing we would have done was cruise over and get out badges and goodie bags, but this year, the con had them ready to be handed out by the hotel staff when we checked in. That set the cool meter up to 11, I tell ya.

Anyway, we are all in our room now, comparing swag (which differs for each person, depending on how you filled out your con application back in January) and chatting.

More blogging later.

Pink Lizard Things

…with big red eyes

CatCon2: The Trip There, Day 4, Part Two

(NOTE: The following is all fictional.)

Oy! That was one long honkin’ drive! Fortunately, My Sweet Angel was able to drive a bit every couple of hours, so I got some rest. I also got a chance to watch a couple of episodes of Good Eats that I hadn’t seen before.

Lunch at The Big Texan was as yummy as ever. I had a country fried steak that was just smaller that Delaware. Grace and Sharon split a cowboy steak that looked to weigh about 5 pounds. The Girls, who stayed on the bus playing games on their Wii, each got a bunch of steak bones that the manager rounded up for us.

So, we are here in Big Spring, staying at Jimbo Bob’s RV Park & Truckstop. It’s actually pretty nice here, with lots of green grass, trees and a dog park.

Tomorrow, we expect to roll into Wilted Springs (and the Hyatt Regency) at about noon. After lunch and some dog/human fun at one of the amusement parks, it will be nap time until the “Featured GM Dinner and Party”, which all Gamemasters are invited to.

And now, to bed.

Destination Sign reading when we hit Amarillo: Cimmeria

Destination Sign reading now: Gallifrey

Wildlife Sighted: ten thousand jackrabbits, several vultures, a rattlesnake, crows, a coyote and a skunk.

The Rare And Beautiful Varigated Marching Roses Of Potawango Island

…the march in perfect ranks

We interrupt our regularly scheduled fictional con trip report for this special message…


And now, back to the report…

CatCon2: The Trip There, Day 4, Part One

(NOTE: The following is all fictional.)

Those of you who possess keen powers of observation will have noticed that there was no “Part Two” to yesterdays posting. That would be because we proceeded from the bear encounter area to Colorado Springs (about 150 miles away) where we spent the night.

Then it was up at 4:00 am for me so I could begin the longass drive to this evenings destination, Big Spring, Texas. Armed with a huge mug of hot tea and the bracing effects of a cold shower, we set off. By “we”, I mean “me”, cos all of the females were asleep until about an hour ago. Now, they are all asking for breakfast. Well, ok, not the dogs. They’ve had two breakfasts already.

Lunch is scheduled for the Big Texan steakhouse in Amarillo. Yum Yum!

Destination Sign reading when we started: Vulcan Science Academy

Destination Sign reading now: Skull Island

Wildlife Sighted: Jackrabbits, a roadrunner, ground squirrels, several hawks and a deer.

More bloggage later.