Monthly Archives: December 2009

Walking On Thin Eyes

…which turn out to be a bit squishy

GOOD-FUCKING-BYE TO THE BUSH DECADE!

Man, am I ever glad to be seeing the retreating ass of the 2000’s! Marked by 8 years of that shit eating idiot, George W. Bush as president (to say nothing of that evil fucking scumbag Dick(head)Cheney), this was a decade that ranks right down there with the worst.

And now, I’d like to offer a few New Years wishes to the following people and organizations…

Bush, Cheney & every other elected Republican who goosestepped the USA into the shithole it now resides in: I hope each and every one of you dies a horrible, painful, lingering death in 2010.

Senator Joe Lieberman: I hope all of your Right Wing Republican friends turn into zombies and eat you alive.

The Blue Dog Democrats: See the above two wishes and add getting hit by a truck.

The Democratic Party: I hope every one of you gets voted out and a fresh new crop of Democrats takes your place.

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger: I wish that during 2010, on every 3 out of 4 Fridays, somebody will come find you, rob you, then whack you in the nuts with a baseball bat every 15 minutes throughout the day. On the 4th Friday, it would be nice if you got attacked by pitbulls.

The Birthers, Anti-Evolutionists, Global Warming Deniers, Teabaggers, Rightie Religious Nuts and Every Other Right Wing Headcase Group: I sincerely hope you insane motherfuckers keel over dead and then descend into whatever your personal Hell might be.

FOX News & Newscorp: It will be a very merry New Year indeed if you are all afflicted with flesh eating bacteria or exploding hemorrhoids or just plain old cancer.

All of the other hate and lie spewing rightie talk show hosts, columnists and bloggers: See my above wish for FOX News.

Al Qaeda, The Taliban & all the other terrorists groups and the governments that fund them: I hope you all get your 42 virgins…and they turn out to be ugly hags with toothed vaginas!

Big Business (especially the Financial Industry): My wish for you is that you all become obsolete and very poor overnight.

China: I hope your poor rise up and eat you, you miserable mutant Communist/Capitalist assholes. Then I hope all your pollutants bury you.

And to every other greedy, stupid, uncaring, politically corrupt, religiously fucked up, evil shithead out there: It would be very nice if you all just turned into members of endangered or recently (say, the last 2000 years) extinct species…or clean air, water or soil…or food for the hungry. As long as you stop existing as people, it’s cool by me.

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The Strange Animals Are Stalking You

…and they are really strange

The Real World Shire

No, I’m not gonna tell you about a real place called The Shire, I’m talking about the area the land of the Hobbits would occupy in our world. It’s alot bigger than most people think.

In “The Lord Of The Rings” (and in other places), Tolkien states that the Shire is about 120 miles from east to west (not including Buckland) and 150 miles from north to south. That’s 18,000 square miles!

Being curious as to how big that area would look using real world references, I used Streets & Trips to map out an approximation using towns I knew here in NorCal.

Starting with my hometown of Marysville as the eastern edge, 120 miles west along Highway 20 you’ll come to Ukiah. Now, that is not as the crow flies, so let’s figure that a straight line puts you a few miles west of Ukiah.

Going from north to south along Interstate 5, we’ll put Orland at the north end and Stockton (where I was born) is the southern end, pretty much exactly 150 miles.

Folks, that’s a pretty fair sized chunk of land. Even riding a fast horse, it would take you a couple of days to get from one side to the other. Walking on short hobbit legs would stretch it out to at least a week. Probaly longer, when you figure in several meals a day, naptimes, frequent rests, a long night’s sleep, etc.

And let’s remember that the Shire was not known or paid much attention to by the folk of most other lands. It was just 18,000 square miles they kind of ignored.

In roleplaying terms, seeing the size of the place makes me think that I actually didn’t go overboard when I created the kingdom of Valduria for my original D&D game all those years ago. Valduria measured roughly 160 miles from north to south and 240 miles from east to west. If you tossed in the Dwarven Lands, the Elfwood and the Greenwood (home of Halflings and many other “small folk”, you’d add maybe 75 more miles in each direction.

Just so you know, Gondor covered over 716,000 square miles and Rohan apparently never got measured, but must be pretty close to the same size as Gondor.

A Pink Mink With A Decided Stink Bought A Drink For A Skink Who Poured It Down The Sink

…cos he didn’t stop to think, the reptilian little fink.

So today I went to see my urologist with the thought in mind that, after about 18 months of trying various drugs to shrink my prostate gland, it might be time to reduce it via surgery. And so I did.

It would seem, however, that prostate surgery is not an option just yet. Apparently, my old urologist(who was really old and retired last summer) was way too conservative on the dosage of the first drug I was on. So my new doctor (a very pleasant young lady named Anastasia) will be putting me back on it. If it still doesn’t work or, like the last drug, has side effects, then we will see about the surgical option.

Unfortunately, she also wants me to slowly wean myself off of tea:( I will reluctantly try this, but I apologize in advance for any death and destruction I may cause during my withdrawal stages.

Ice Creams, Lice Schemes, Nice Themes, Mice Dreams, Rice Gleams

…I think I fell into a trance on that one

Stuff On A Winter’s Night

1: Xmas Eve at my mom’s went well. A fair number of folks showed up and Grace and I brought home a ton of food.

2: I did my first Saturday run at work today. It is exactly like my Tuesday & Wednesday runs, but earlier, so I finish while there is still some daylight.

3: The End of Year Subject Line Post and the E-zine Content are all coming along nicely.

More blogging later.

Santa Claus: International Man Of Mystery

….ho ho ho, baby!

It’s Xmas Eve, which means the Annual Gathering of my immediate family. This year, it will be less than the entire bunch, since there has been Family Drama and my sister and her brood are staying home. Grace and I will head up to my mom’s house after work, visit with her and my brother & his wife and whomever else shows up, then head home. Tomorrow, while everyone else does the Xmas thing, we will sleep in and then goof off while we await the crock pot yielding up the chicken & dumplings for lunch/dinner. On Saturday, I’ll work for 4-5 hours, then it’ll be writing, writing and more writing. Sunday? I have no idea, but more goofing off and writing sounds good.

I hope y’all have a swell time at whatever you do this weekend!

Mrs. Wangdoodle Levels Up

…and she wasn’t even playing a game

Whew! The final mystery shopping death match of the year, while not the longest mileagewise, was still the most tiring of all the 2009 crop. Grace and I were in bed by 9:30 PM on Saturday night and we slept about 10 hours.

Despite Avatar being the new cinematic hotness, Grace and I will be spending our miniscule entertainment dollars on Sherlock Holmes this Xmas Day.

Dread tho I am to do it, I will be writing up my annual Subject Line retrospective very soon, then posting it after the first of the year. This year, I’m doing ALL of them, in order, month by month. Hopefully, some small amount of hilarity will ensue.

Oh, yeah…to all of you out there…regardless of the holiday you do or do not celebrate…just let me say…

HAPPY MERRY! and MERRY HAPPY! TO YOU ALL!