Don’t Shoot Me, I’m Only The Accordian Player

...on second thought, shoot me. The Trip to DogCon 3: Day 10, Part 2, In which we view even more roadside attractions, I extol the virtues of driving a house on wheels, we have Round 1 of "Goat VS Dog" and we enter St. Louis and encounter the Jones Gang. (Note: All comments in italics …

Green Clowns From Under Your Bed

...they'll recycle your trash, then eat your face. The Trip to DogCon 3: Day 10, Part 1, In which we go on a roadside attraction binge, our critters get lost on the bus and we eat more corndogs. (Note: All comments by Flash are in italics) We are scheduled to visit seven roadside attractions today. …

Jenny, The Lap Dancer Who Saved The World

...who knew lap dancing kills aliens? The Trip to DogCon 3: Day 9, Part 1, In which we give you a quick run down of the events of the day (Note: Flash is still not in a writing mood.) 1: Early on, we saw The Marble Sculptures Of Great Americans, which were not carved from …

I Was A Muppet For The FBI

...looking for commie muppets The Trip to DogCon 3: Day 8, Part 1, In which we see a Viking ship inside a house, adopt a goat and camp with members of my tribe. (Note: No comments by Flash this time. He's pissed off about the goat.) The second half of today's journey saw us stopping …

Sunlight On Blonde Hair

...and green eyes The Trip to DogCon 3: Day 8, Part 1, In which we see more garden gnomes than is probably mentally healthy, pick up a hitchhiker, take yet another walk in the woods and have a very terrifying moment. (Note: All comments by Flash are in italics) We left Fargo around 9:00 this …

Marshmallow Peeps As A Deterrent To War

...first, drop humongous Peeps on your borders The Trip to DogCon 3: Day 7, Part 2, In which we see a stampede of old people, view a pyramid and let our critters run free. (Note: All comments by Flash are in italics) In Minot, North Dakota, we had to buy a few necessities and, finding …

The King Of East Buttonwillow

...it was a very small kingdom The Trip to DogCon 3: Day 7, Part 1, In which we have a bit more temporspatial trouble, visit a rainforest, see huge metal wildlife and have a picnic. (Note: All comments by Flash are in italics) Today, we ate breakfast on the bus and hit the road about …

Gone Fission

...I'll try to get to church for critical mass The Trip to DogCon 3: Day 6, Part 2, In which we support small local & wierd business, are boarded by the police and see our critters eat for free. (Note: All comments by Flash are in italics) Well, it took many hours and 438 miles, …

Electric Cocoa

...tasty and hallucinatory The Trip to DogCon 3: Day 6, Part 1, In which we leave at the dawning of the day, eat a big breakfast and find out exactly where the antelope play. (Note: All comments by Flash are in italics) I was up about an hour before dawn to shower and get everything …

The Rare And Beautiful And Deadly Flying Weaselcobra Of Potawango Island

...they are just crazy dangerous The Trip to DogCon 3: Day 5, Part 2, In which we have a somewhat quieter drive, curry is eaten and my cat falls in love. (Note: All comments by Flash are in italics) The second, mostly downhill, half of our trip through Glacier National Park on the Going To …

The Mysterious, Yet Oddly Romantic, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Haunted Shopping Mall

...co-starring her pet emu, Walter The Trip to DogCon 3: Day 5, Part 1, In which we quickly recap yesterday, drive on a twisty mountain road, view scenic panoramas and watch tourists behave stupidly. (Note: All comments by Flash are in italics) Recap of yesterday: I was not feeling 100% ok yesterday. In fact, I …

The Ice Cream Gnomes Are Coming To Steal Your Berries

...so don't make them get rough. The Trip to DogCon 3: Day 5, Part 1, In which Your Humble Narrator rests and let's the critters do the blogging. I indulged in too much Guinness and too many shots of Jack last night. That resulted in us not leaving Missoula until noon. We are now in …

Never Spank A Skunk

...in fact, you'll probably want to skip the stern lectures, too The Trip to DogCon 3: Day 4, Part 1, In which we hang out in Missoula. (Note: All comments by Flash are in italics) After the ass whoopin' start to our stay here in Missoula, we decided to make today a mellow day. So …

The 43 Things You Need To Know About Vampire Llamas

...#5: they like to sneak up on bloggers and iujhsdoivuh lscx kl The Trip to DogCon 3: Day 3, Part 2, In which we arrive in Montana and my furry children unleash righteous anger upon the unjust. (Note: All comments by Flash are in italics) After a short stop in the town of Lolo to …

Gummy Kaiju

...they keep trying to destroy Tokyo with their sweet stickiness The Trip to DogCon 3: Day 3, Part 1, In which we visit a couple of quickly viewed attractions and then take a walk in the woods. (Note: All comments by Flash are in italics) We slept in a bit, getting up at 8:30 and …

Chapter 321: In Which Our Hero, Having Narrowly Avoided Marriage, Must Escape Into The Wilderness

...armed only with a teaspoon and some yak butter The Trip to DogCon 3: Day 2, Part 2, In which we learn a very great deal about onions, our conveyance slips sideways in time and we find a stash of chocolate. (Note: All comments by Flash are in italics) So...Walla Walla, Washington...Onion Central for the …

Harry Potter And The Chocolate Frog Invasion

...it seemed like a good idea at the time, that Unlimited Sweets spell The Trip to DogCon 3: Day 2, Part 1, In which we view movies you cannot watch, see large bathroom products and leave a town quickly. (Note: All comments by Flash are in italics) We spent last night in a wonderful KOA …

The Great San Francisco Hide & Go Seek Game

...played in a 10 square block area, using automobiles The Trip to DogCon 3: Day 1, Part 2, In which we commence the inclusion of feline commentary, view the coolest looking tree on the planet and eat hot dogs on a volcano (Note: All comments by Flash are in italics) So, anyway, the town of …

Interesting Mice Are Often Nice

...and the like to eat rice The Trip To DogCon 3: Day 1 Well, instead of getting up at 3:30, I overslept until 4:00, so we were only 30 minutes late getting on the road, which is a new record for almost leaving on time. Someday, we might actually leave on time, but I'm not …

Bucky & Squint Buy A Cabin

...deep in the woods, filled with wild critters. The Trip To DogCon 3: Day 1 (T minus 3 hours) With the notable exceptions of Flash & myself, everyone else is asleep on board the Magic Bus. Thanks to the TARDIS unit, our dogsitter, Sharon, has her own rather large bedroom and the dogs each have …

Bacon: God’s Chosen Food

...mmmmmm, hickory smoked salvation In just over 24 hours, the crew from here at Basset Hound Central will be boarding the Magic Bus for our fictional trip to DogCon 3. Winker & Lucy are ready to go, Flash the imaginary cat is ready to go and Grace & I are ready to go. This year …

The Rare And Beautiful Pink Kangaroo Panda Of Potawango Island

...cute as hell, but man, can they ever jump Doc Update... Everyone here at Casa Cross is healthy. And still working. But still poor. I read the latest Dresden Files novel "Changes" and it was very good indeed. My garden is doing pretty well, considering that summer arrived about 6 weeks late this year. Gotta …

Magic Undead Bunnies

...brains! brains! alfalfa hay! brains! Here now, a belated birthday gift for my friend Avis, and for your reading pleasure... . The Avis Doc-ument . Concord, New Hampshire, September, 1989 Avis (henceforth referred to as "Avy" was worried that her friend Doc was losing his mind. Not that he hadn’t always been a bit strange …

I Love The Smell Of Gamma Rays In The Morning

...they smell like HULK SMASH! The Road To DogCon 3: This Year's Route As we all know, the imaginary con takes place in the fictional town of Wilted Springs, Texas. Normally, we would drive either south (thru California or Nevada to Arizona), then turn east...or go east (thru Nevada, Utah and Colorado, then turn south …

The Elightening, Yet Subversive, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Pig Who Could Bake Pies

...co-starring her Uncle Snuffy So, continuing with the DogCon 3 theme, here is a list of music that we have listened to on the last two trips. "Janis Joplin Sings Led Zeppelin" "Woodstock 15: Original Soundtrack To The Movie" The soundtrack for "Harry Potter of Baker Street" "Frank Sinatra Sings Tom Waits" The Beatles "Grey …