Don’t Shoot Me, I’m Only The Accordian Player

…on second thought, shoot me.

The Trip to DogCon 3: Day 10, Part 2, In which we view even more roadside attractions, I extol the virtues of driving a house on wheels, we have Round 1 of “Goat VS Dog” and we enter St. Louis and encounter the
Jones Gang.

(Note: All comments in italics are by non-humans)

Ok, so after lunch, we went to The Hat House, which is yet another house made to look like some ginormous ordinary thing, in this case, a top hat. This place had much larger rooms than any tourist trappy house we’ve seen yet. It also had 5 stories and the view from the top floor was pretty sweet. The house was built in 1923 by the grandfather of the current owner. It is beginning to show it’s age, but is still well worth the $4.00 you pay for the tour.

(Flash:While the folks were out, we all played Rock Band. Turns out Abby is a pretty good drummer.)

(Winker:I got to sing! Arrrooooo! Arrroooooo!)

About 10 miles south of The Hat House is The Yellow Submarine Cafe. I have no idea what possessed the original owner to buy an early WWII Sub, gut it, then turn it into a diner (the yellow paint job came much later), but it sure does look cool and, while we were not hungry, I can tell you that their Blue Meanie Lemonade is very good.

(Flash:The smell of human food was killing us! Where is the love for the starving pets?)

(Lucy:Oh man, I could smell bacon! BACON!)

(Winker:Hamburgers, too!)

(Abby:And french fries! Wonderful french fries!

About halfway between Springfield and St. Louis lies the only attraction that nobody else on the bus wanted to go into, The World Famous Serial Killer Museum. I paid my $5.00 and went inside and…dude…I mean…CREEPIEST FUCKING ROADSIDE ATTRACTION EVER! No shit, if the next one was the Museum of Guts & Eyeballs, it still would not be as creepy. Besides the subject matter, the main creep factor came from Lonnie Ray and Susie Ballard, the owners & operators of this shrine to violent sociopathy. Eight other people went in with me and I counted when we left to make sure we all got out. Thankfully, the establishment did not offer food. I declined to get on their mailing list.

(Winker:When Dad came back on the bus, Flash jumped off the bookshelf onto his shoulder and Dad screamed like a little girl. Hahahahaha!)

Creepiness aside, they have a pretty incredible amount of stuff on serial killers, including correspondence between the Ballards and many Hannibal Lecter wannabes in prisons around the world. Lonnie Ray said the FBI even shows up a couple times a week to do research. Yeah, right. I fully expect to see the Ballards on CNN Real Soon Now.

Leaving the Creep-O-Rama behind, we headed for St. Louis. Along the way, My Sweet Angel brought me a large green tea smoothie. And that, my friends, is one of the things I like about traveling around in ths bus: you get to drive all over (which I love), but you are still home. Want a sandwich? No problemo! Gotta use the john? Pull over and stop and you always have a nice clean bathroom with good reading material. Want to walk your dogs, cat & goat? Just open a door and wander around in some vaguely steampunk service corridors. Well, ok, that last one requires a TARDIS unit, but you get my drift.

(Abby:I snuck a lick of his smoothie and it was very good indeed.)

Oh, and that green tea smoothie? Totally delicioso!

About 15 minutes away from the St. Louis KOA, I heard Lucy barking and Abby bleating and then there were crashes and Grace and Sharon cussing. All I could do was drive, but after a couple of minutes Grace gave me the story. It would seem that Lucy decided that Abby was standing exactly where she wanted to walk, so she barked at her. Goats, being not exactly the most intimidation prone of herbivores, pretty much told Lucy to piss off. That made Lucy kick things up a notch, so she did a fake lunge towards Abby. Abby replied to this by butting Lucy ass over teakettle into the coffee table where Sharon & Grace were doing a puzzle.

(Lucy:I was just trying to get her to move outta my way a little!)

(Flash:Lucy got her ass handed to her!

Once the two fiesty animals endured the Wrath Of Mom, things got really quiet. I suspect though, that Lucy has new found respect for her caprine sister.

Around 6:00 we got to the St. Louis North KOA. About 45 minutes later, Spike, Mary & Miranda Jones rolled in. These are some of my favorite people and there was hugging and dancing about and more hugging and then food. Right now, we are going to watch a Doc Savage animated movie, then everyone is off to bed (Spike & Mary have a room upstairs, but Miranda had a room just off the left side of the refrigerator.

(Winker:I like Miranda. She pets me. I’m gonna sleep in her room tonight.)
Tomorrow: Adventure!

Destination Sign: Azkaban Prison

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