Radar Chickens From Outer Space

…but the G-Men will stop them

Note: This post did not make it up on Thursday due to my late schedule and a wanky internet connection. Expect the Friday entry to go up later today.

The Doclopedia #9

Knives That Do More Than Cut: The Blade That Curses


This knife is cooking up trouble.


Type of knife: 12 inch chef’s knife
Magic level: High
Intelligence: High

To the casual observer, this knife looks very much like any chef’s knife you might find anywhere. Only two things give it away: it has a stain on the handle that looks like a tiny handprint and the blade never needs to be sharpened.

If someone recognizes the knife, or if they seem worthy in the knife’s opinion, it will reveal itself to them. The truename of this blade is unknown and it simply calls itself “Knife”. Going by things it has mentioned to those who have used it, we know the knife is around 400 years old and most likely came from the great city of D’Lin, which is located on the great Eastern Continent.

Once the blade has “gotten to know you”, it will ask who you wish to curse and how you wish to curse them. Note that the blade will only curse humanoids and dragons. Within that restriction, the choice of curses it can place upon the victim is nearly limitless.

The knife tells the person using it to prepare a sumptuous meal for the intended victim. This may require a good deal of advance planning. Cooking skill is not needed, since the knife knows what to do and instructs the user. As the meal cooks, both the knife and the user recite a complex chant in an unknown language. When the meal is done and eaten by the victim, the curse takes immediate effect.

A few hours after the curse goes into effect, the user of the knife gets the sudden urge to cut themselves with it, usually across the palm of the hand. They then drop a few teaspoons of blood on the knife blade. The next thing they know, they are waking up hours later, their hand is healed fully and the knife is gone

One Fish, Two Fish, Girl Fish Blew Fish

…if Dr. Seuss rises from the dead and carries me to Hell, you’ll know why.

The Doclopedia #8

Knives That Do More Than Cut: The Blade That Heals


Our first knife does the opposite of what most knives do.

Type of knife: Single edged dagger
Magic level: Medium
Intelligence: Low

Of the seven knives we shall take a look at, three were designed by the team of Aloris Wendayle, the famous sorceress of the late Draconic Age and her husband Haric Wendayle, perhaps the most notable weaponsmith of the last 5 centuries.

The Blade That Heals (truename: Cisserni) is a single edged dagger of obvious superior quality. The blade is quite sharp, a full 8 inches long and very lightly etched with a series of runes. Nobody now living can decipher them, although some scholars believe them to be High Elvish.

The handle and guard are one piece and were cast from some rare blue tinged metal that is always warm to the touch, regardless of the temperature of the air or the blade. The handle has no adornments, but it does seem to fit very comfortably in the hand of all who hold it.

This knife is enchanted with a healing spell that can, given enough time, heal a person or creature back from even the brink of death. This is done by cutting the flesh around the injury, or in the case of internal injuries, by cutting the flesh over the injured area. To counteract the effects of poison, the palms of the hands or soles of the feet must be cut.

All of these cuts draw no blood and cause no pain. The wounds heal within a minute or two and the same areas can be cut up to three times per hour.

The one bad aspect of The Blade That Heals is that is may only be used once per week on any given person. Still, a bit of healing is better than none.

Regarding truenames as they apply to weapons: Calling a weapon by it’s truename bonds it to the wielder for a full year. It can never be lost, will always function at highest effectiveness and can communicate telepathically with wielder, although this may be a very simple conversation in the case of low intelligence weapons like Cisserni. After a year has passed, the wielder can again say the name and seal the bond, but if they are late by even a day, they may find out they have lost the weapon, which will seek out a new user.

Mr. Porkwaffle Rides In An Aeroplane

…which, unfortunately, crashed into a zeppelin

Mad Gaming/Writing Thoughts

So, as if the daily 365 thing wasn’t enough, I’m thinking of doing some short bit of writing on here ever so often…like, once or twice a week. I’ve got a few ideas, but here’s the rub: Each entry would be no longer that 100 words. Even if, in the case of fiction, that meant stopping in the middle of a sentence.

I could write fiction, or maybe create a fantasy village or a super team or some other stuff. Any suggestions?

A Purple Worm, A Minotaur And A Xorn Walk Into A Bar

…and kill everyone in it before destroying the place

The Doclopedia #7

We finish off the first week with a bit of toonishness.

Islands of Adventure: Foogle Bird Island

When it comes to the subject of Foogle Birds, everyone in the Tooniverse knows a few facts.

1: Every single Foogle Bird in the world is the only one of it’s kind.
2: There are about a zillion kinds.
3: All of them are delicious.
4: All of them taste different.
5: Because of the above 4 things, Foogle Birds are worth big bucks.
6: Catching a Foogle Bird is the hardest thing in the world to do.

While Foogles do pop up almost anywhere, the only place you can be sure of finding them is Foogle Bird Island. This large island is located in the Sea of Key near the Strait of Arrow about 100 miles off the coast of Dark, But Not Darkest, More Like Just Before The Sun Sets Africa.

The island has every conceivable, and a couple of inconceivable, type of terrain. There are great jungles, wide valleys, deserts, arctic wastes, high mountains, great swamps and mighty pine forests. And canyons, lakes, rivers, bluffs, hills, brushy slopes, waterfalls, moors, caves, river deltas, prairies, volcanoes, cliffs, a floating island and one place where everything changes about every 3 minutes.

While many animal species share the island with the Foogles, no intelligent toons live here full time. Still, at any time you can find roughly 951 would be Foogle Bird catchers there, trying to either get rich or get a tasty tasty meal.

Some of the Foogles one might encounter include…

The Long Legged Blue Foogle Bird: 9 feet tall, 8 feet of which are legs. Very fast. Rumored to taste like a baked potato with butter, sour cream and chives.

The Google Eyed Foogle Bird: About the size of a turkey, these Foogles have great big eyes that seldom look in the same direction. Despite this, they get around just fine. They are flightless, but can teleport up to 30 feet. Rumored to taste like lemon drops.

The Tiny Green Winged Foogle Bird: Hummingbird sized and way fast, these Foogles Birds seldom sit still. Said to taste exactly like a medium rare porterhouse steak.

The Duck Billed Diving Foogle Bird: One of the many aquatic Foogles, this 80 pound bird loves to dive off high cliffs or waterfalls. They eat water plants and snails. Thought to taste like your mother’s meatloaf.

The Purple Crowned Night Foogle Bird: These desert dwelling Foogle Birds only come out at night to hunt for Moonsnakes, which they eat with relish, or, if relish is not available, chutney. It is said that these Foogle Birds taste like peach cobbler with whipped cream.

It should be noted that Foogle Bird Island is littered with unsprung Foogle Bird traps of all sorts. No Foogle Bird has ever been caught in one, but the number of Foogle Bird hunters who get trapped, shot, electrocuted, pelted with pies, shot high into the stratosphere, konked by all sorts of heavy objects and otherwise messed up physically are way up in the thousands.

I Fought The Law And The Law Kicked My Ass

…so later, I burned his house down

The Doclopedia #6

Islands of Adventure: Sarvinia & Molkos

The twin islands of Sarvinia and Molkos are located in the western portion of the Sea of Beasts, about 300 miles north of the Bodo Peninsula. Both islands are 48 miles long and 21 miles wide. They are separated by a strait that is a mere 4 miles wide and only 100 feet deep at the very center. Molkos is very hilly, with a small central mountain range running most of the length of the island. Sarvinia is much less hilly and has a very gently sloping western shore that is heavily farmed. Molkos has a thriving timber trade and some mining. Both countries are very busy ports of call for trading ships.

The islands were originally settled by two Master Traders, Mr. Sarvin and Mr. Molkori. They brought their extended families, their servants and a goodly number of people looking to get in on the founding of a couple of new kingdoms. Both groups prospered and now, 200 years later, Sarvinia and Molkos are major trade centers. The islands are peaceful and the people get together several times a year for great celebrations. In most respects, the two countries function as one.

But what is life without some sort of conflict? Where is the fun in being peaceful and prosperous and not having to worry about your neighbors spying on you or making you look foolish?

To inject a bit of spice into things, the Royal Families of both islands engage in all manner of oneupmanship. Molkos might acquire some rare magical item for the Royal Museum, so Sarvinia will commission the building of a skyship unlike anyone has ever seen. Then there are the Island Games that take place every 5 years, during which the people of both islands compete in dozens of events ranging from long distance running to chess to dancing. Finally, there are the exploratory missions that find both families sending adventuring parties to distant land just to see who gets there and back first with a good tale of daring do and hairbreadth escapes.

Since the Royal Families pay very well for both adventuring parties and rare items both magical & mundane, the islands are very popular with adventuring folk. In fact, there is even an Adventuring Guild that helps the royalty and the treasure seekers work out deals. Of course, both islands also have businesses that are ready and willing to sell the tools of the trade, be it a 10 foot pole or a well made sword.

Tomorrow: The final island…Foogle Bird Island!
Next Theme: Knives That Do More Than Cut

Girls Gone Wilde

…I’m not sure if Oscar would be amused or confused

The Doclopedia #5

Today, the newest island on Earth.

Islands of Adventure: New Atlantis

In the waning years of the 20th Century, humankind got several wake up calls telling them that global warming was coming and coming fast. A few mega hurricanes, a few years of killing summer heat, an ice sheet breakaway half the size of California…unlike our Earth, the people of this Earth got a clue and started to work on the problem.

In fact, a sort of Climate Change “Space Race” got underway, with various countries and groups of countries vying for the title of Savior of the Climate. Over the next The United States pioneered many new renewable energy technologies…China found ways to reverse desertification and planted several billion trees worldwide…Russia put a couple of multi mile long reflectors in space that lowered the temperature first at the poles, then over selected spots in the oceans…The European Union began massive efforts to create more energy efficient buildings and factories…and almost every country changed their agricultural practices. Incredibly, by the year 2030, global warming had been stopped and was, in fact, being reversed somewhat.

The benefits of all of this scientific research and application were enormous. Huge leaps were made in everything from aquaculture to genetics to nanotechnology. Robotics alone advanced so much that by 2050, robots were preparing the Moon and Mars for human settlement. And then somebody got the idea to create a new continent…out of garbage…and manure…and industrial waste. Thanks to nanotechnology, robotics, genetics and about a thousand other technologies, they pulled it off by 2090.

New Atlantis is really large. Perfectly round, the island is 200 miles across. The highest point is Mount Neptune, which is located dead center on the island and stands 5,500 feet high. The island has four major ranges of hills that radiate out from Mount Neptune towards the coast at the compass points. There are valleys and rivers and forests and wetlands and everything you would expect to find on a large island, but almost no signs of human habitation.

That’s because all of the 4.5 million people who live on New Atlantis actually live inside it. The mountains and hills are all man made under their top layer of soil. In fact, New Atlantis extends down into the sea nearly 1,000 feet in some areas. In the 12 districts of the megacity are homes, businesses, industries, research laboratories, entertainment complexes…everything you would find in any other city, but these often have windows that look out into the sea.

Now, the inhabitants of New Atlantis are not a bunch of pasty white troglodytes, despite living in an artificial environment. They regularly go to the surface, especially since a fair number of them are farmers of one sort or another. The municipal transit system has hundreds of surface level stops and even the folks who work in Deep Bottom can get up topside for some fun & sun within about an hour. And the same goes for the 24 million tourists that visit the island every year.

The surface of New Atlantis is home to thousands of species of animals and plants, most of them formerly threatened, endangered or even extinct. This is, so far, the only spot on the planet where you can see dodos or Tasmanian tigers.

New Atlantis does not stay in one place. The island moves in a slow and meandering route across the ocean between South America and Africa, always staying fairly near the equator. It is, by decree of the United Nations, a sovereign country.

New Atlantis has proven so successful that a similar, but larger project has been started in the Pacific. No name has been given to it yet, but rumor has it that the science geeks behind it are lobbying for Middle Earth.