Our Friend, The Squid

…number 12 in a series

The Doclopedia #89

Average Joes: Joe Standing Elk, Fishing Guide

Oh yes, my family has been fishing the Thames and it’s tributaries since about 1320…not long after we conquered Britain. Of course, some of my grandfathers (the Cherokees on my mother’s side) went on to fight the war in Austria, where they eventually settled. In fact, I have an Austrian cousin who works on a reservation near Rome. He tries his best to keep the white people healthy and sober, but it’s an uphill battle.

Speaking of Rome, or Italy, there’s some great fishing up in the north country. Of course, with all that coastline, you’d better believe the saltwater angling is incredible. I know some guys who run boats out of Venice, in case you’re interested.

The Homeland? Well sir, that’s where you’ll find the best fishing anywhere. Northern or southern continent, it doesn’t matter, they’re both full of great rivers, streams and lakes that are just packed with fish. I go over a couple of times a year. I’ll show you a few photos of some of the whoppers I caught once we’re done here.

Now let me show you this sweet new rod & reel we just got in. It’ll be great for fishing up in the Lochs.


The Doclopedia #90

Average Joes: Joe Kolchak, Cab Driver

I’m tellin’ ya, Eddie, ya see some friggin’ strange shit on the late shift. The other night, I get commandeered by this FBI agent who tells me to follow some guy who’s on foot…and the guy outruns us! No, I ain’t been smokin’ crack, ya wiseass. I’m tellin’ ya, this mook was hittin’ 60-70 miles an hour and jumpin’ over oncoming cars!

And then there was last Thursday, when I pick up this chick who got into my hack with blond hair, a really big rack and blue eyes…but when she gets out, she has gray eyes, short black punky hair and hardly any tits! Yeah, I know, most dames would have gone from flat & punk to blond and glamorous, but in the space of 20 minutes in the backseat of a cab?

Just last night, I’m heading up 57th street towards the Carlton Hotel and this guy hails me. I pull over and he gets in and tells me to get him to the Zoo and step on it. Says he’ll tip me big. Anyway, I hit the gas and we’re on our way. Yeah yeah, I know the Zoo is closed at night, but I’m thinkin’ this guy might be livin’ nearby in one of them fancy townhouses. Anyhow, this guy is in the back, moanin’ kinda quiet like and every so often he has like a spasm or some shit. By the time we reach the Zoo, he jumps outta the cab and tosses me a handful of twenties. By the time I look up to thank him, all I see is a big shape leapin’ over that 8 foot high fence they got around the place.

I swear, some nights I wonder if I ain’t drivin’ in the Twilight Zone.


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