The Globe Hopping & Thrilling, Yet Kind Of Cozy, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Rat Of Doom

…featuring her Auntie Zazu

Doclopedia #122

The Door: To Adventure

It’s pretty doubtful that there has ever been a time in human history, or even prehistory, when more than a very few people actually sought out adventure. Most humans like it nice and safe and predictable, even if they might tell you otherwise.

It is exactly those soft complacent couch potatoes that the Door to Adventure seeks out. That biker over there? He has zero chance of ever stumbling upon the door. That suburbanite with the Prius, the wife & kids and the job working at a plumbing supply warehouse? He’ll have a hell of a time not stepping through it.

The door in question is made of heavy oak timbers stained a deep brown. The hinges are very large and made of iron. The handle is made of a boar tusk that has been carved with strange runes. Despite weighing nearly 1,000 pounds, the door opens very easily and with complete silence.

On the other side, the chosen person will see a seemingly normal scene, but with one little detail that looks a bit odd. Perhaps it is a small gift wrapped package that probably belongs to the lady getting into the cab. Maybe it is a letter that fell under a mailbox or a car that is starting to roll downhill. Whatever it is, our boring play it safe citizen will go attempt to be helpful. After that, as anyone who watches movies can tell you, the shit hits the fan.

Within minutes, our hero to be will be dodging bullets or hearing the fantastic tale of a dying scientist/spy/alien or speeding away in a car full of CIA agents who want to know what he/she knows about all this. There will be seductions, escapes, explosions, ancient curses, fistfights, car chases and about a zillion other pulse pounding happenings before Our Hero emerges triumphant and finds himself/herself back home in time to mow the front yard.

After that, Our Hero may or may not ever be the same, but you can bet your ass they’ll be trading that Prius in for something sexier.


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