Snowman In The Crockpot

…also known as “water”

The Doors Week ends with these two entries. Next week and maybe the week after, it’s Retro 365 time again, kids!

The Doclopedia #126

This door would have a long line in front of it, but it’s very picky.

The Door: To Power

Everybody wants power. Some want it for good, some want it for evil, but most want power for it’s own sake. Oh, and geeks want it so they can have superpowers and get chicks.

This door is big, nine feet tall and five feet wide. Constructed of the same dull black stone as it’s frame, it has hinges and a handle made from solid gold. Most importantly, the following words are written on the door in a cold green flame that never goes out…

“This is the door to Great Power. Only those judged worthy may enter. Try your luck.

PS: No Godlike power levels”

Confronted by this door, you can try to open it or you can just walk away. Nothing else matters, since the door cannot be damaged in any way and if you try, those green flames will shoot out and freeze your ass so fast you’ll never know what hit you.

Only about 1 in 2000 people can open the door and step through it. On the other side, they get their chance at power. The door only gives them power, it doesn’t guarantee it. You’d be surprised how many people get a whole bunch of power and then either waste it doing dumb things or get killed because they got too cocky. Most geeks turned superheroes fall into the latter category. Oddly, the people who just want power via wealth seem to do the best. Well, that is until they lose it all in a stock crash or a really messy divorce or the IRS nails them for tax evasion.

The people who use their power for good actually do help a whole lot of folks, but eventually they all seem to start letting their egos get out of control or they get killed by the evil bastards who want the oppressed to stay oppressed or they neglect to care for themselves and die of some disease or something.

A good case could probably made that this door just likes seeing power mess people up.

The Doclopedia #127

The last door is the best door. Love can fade, power corrupts, redemption requires you to fuck up first, change is not all it’s cracked up to be, otherwhen is never quite right and adventure can be as scary as it is thrilling, but fun is always fun

The Door: To Fun

This door can have any of a thousand shapes & sizes and can be made of anything. It can be small, like a doggy door that you have to crawl through or it can be humongous and hard to push open. It has been all crooked, round, made up of six separate doors that have to be opened in order or it can be an open door that moves around so that you have to time your leap through it.

Once you get through the door, you are absolutely guaranteed a hell of a fun time, drinks and unhealthy foods included. You should know that this crazy fun may include…

Laughing until you pee a little in your pants
Pompous people getting into embarrassing situations
Nudity
Slipping & sliding
Monkeys
Farts
Carnival rides
Go carts
Old movies
Mud
Little kids
Lots of crazy running around
Throwing pies
Puns
Costumes
Car chases
Alcohol
Weed
Jokes
Sound effects from the mildly silly to the hilariously rude
And anything else that it takes to show you the funnest day EVER!

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