We’re Gonna Party Like It’s 2099

…and we’ll all wear purple

Yo Ho, Maties! We have a new theme and a slightly diffent look…

The Doclopedia #135

On New Year’s Eve…: Annie Killed Carl

…of 1962, Mrs. Annie Frendel, age 27, of 882 Lincoln Street, Las Vegas, Nevada, killed her husband Carl, age 29. This all happened at 4:00 in the morning because Carl had to leave early on some big business trip to New York.

Carl was a big mouthed tightwad and a piss poor excuse for a husband. He constantly cheated on her when he was on the road as a traveling salesman (she had seen the letters he wrote to some slut named Dixie) and he was surly & lazy around the house, but mostly she killed him because he had started slapping her around. That was just too much for her to take, so she put a couple of sleeping pills into his breakfast orange juice and served it to him with his two eggs sunny side up four strips of bacon and a slice of toast with strawberry preserves.

Once he passed out, she dragged him into the bathroom, stripped him naked, put him in the tub and cut his throat with one of the cheap carving knives he had given her on their fourth anniversary. After he was pretty much bled out, she washed him off, dragged him out to the back yard and dropped his body down the old dry well that was 40 feet deep and usually covered by a large sheet of 1 inch plywood. She then shoveled enough dead leaves and dirt into the well to cover him up before she went inside to have her own breakfast and a cup of tea.

Later that day, she would have her cousin Ed come fill in the well with concrete, something he had urged her to do for years. After breakfast, she began rummaging through Carl’s stuff, much of which she either burned in the fireplace or dropped down the well. However, in a 5 pound coffee can in the back of his closet, she found $125,000.00 in cash. Annie was both delighted with the find and really pissed at Carl for holding out on her. She mused that it was a pity she couldn’t kill the son of a bitch again.

That evening, after having spent most of the day telling her family and neighbors how Carl had up and left her for some slut named Dixie, Annie loaded up her car and drove off west, saying she was going to stay in Los Angeles with her friend Lily for a while. Eventually, she sold the house to a developer who then built the Royal Knight casino, thereby ensuring that Carl’s body would not be discovered in Annie’s lifetime.

BUT, what Annie did not ever know was that Carl was not a traveling salesman, but was in fact a highly trained and much in demand wheelman for a group of professional thieves. The New York meeting Carl was supposed to head to that fateful morning was in fact a big time bank job the thieves were going to pull in Chicago. The plan was that Carl would arrive early in the day while his compatriots were just finishing up tunneling under the bank vault. After setting up no less than 4 changes of vehicles, Carl would then cool his heels until 9 pm, then take his time driving to the front of the bank where the rest of the gang would emerge loaded down with an estimated 3.5 million bucks. Of course, Carl never showed up, but the cops did. The robbery was a failure and several Chicago cops got commendations.

HOWEVER, the real story here is that due to the near loss of 3.5 million and the attendant publicity, the bank went in to high gear trying to counter any public opinion about banking with them. They gave away free toasters and color televisions and even a few Hawaiian vacations. Mostly though, they were very liberal about loaning money out. Car loans, home loans, business loans, whatever it was for, they were handing out the dough.

WHICH is why a young man named Royce Henderson was able to get a loan to start up a machine shop that was very successful and in a few years had made him enough money to pay off the loan and buy a couple of his competitors. By 1995, Henderson Industries was branching out into robotics and artificial intelligence and having some great success. By 2009, the company was building the most advanced robots in the world and by 2019 they had crushed all competition and had their various robots in 85% of all homes & factories in the industrialized world.

Eventually, around 2055, the robots got smart enough to realize that they could either rule the world or just go find a new one. Since they were already terraforming Mars, they all chose to go there. Unfortunately, humanity had become soft and decadent and stupid, so civilization soon collapsed back to mid-eighteenth century levels. Lots of people died off and the robots thought it was pretty funny.


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