…they smell like lemons and love to tap dance
The Doclopedia #173
The Infinite Doc: Doc Who?
It was in 1980 that, while hiking with his dog in the High Sierras, Doc Cross saw a blue phone boothy looking thing appear on a very steep mountainside. Just as he was exclaiming “What the fucking hell?” to his Lab mix Goldie, the door of the phone booth opened and a man stepped out without looking where he was stepping. Doc watched helplessly as the poor guy tumbled down the side of the mostly granite mountain, bouncing off boulders every so often. By the time his body came to a stop, Doc was there and sure he was going to see a corpse.
Incredibly, the badly injured man was still alive, if only barely. He was babbling about only recently having regenerated and this was the 12th time and how would Cori manage without him. Doc told him to lie still and started checking the man out to see if first aid would do any good at all despite them being at least 25 rough miles from the nearest ranger station. It took about 30 seconds for him to figure out that this guy was too fucked up to live more than a few minutes.
Up at the blue box, a young woman was screaming about doctors and Doc knew that he’d have to break some bad news to her. That would certainly blow for all concerned.
Suddenly, the dying man grabbed him and asked if he would mind terribly if he gave him his essence. Figuring that it was the least he could do for the poor bastard, though not sure what this “essence” would be, Doc agreed. He hoped it didn’t involve bodily fluids.
With that, the man looked Doc right in the eyes and all kinds of mental shit hit the fan. Doc was seeing things and knowing things and hearing things and was pretty sure he was going to piss himself if it didn’t stop soon.
Just short of a pair of wet blue jeans, the man broke off the mental contact, let go of Doc and fell back onto the ground. Then he slowly faded away until there was no trace of him left. Doc leaped backwards cursing, Goldie did the same while barking and up the mountain, the young lady screamed.
Doc attempted to calm Goldie and himself down, all the while repeating “Holy shit!” and “No fucking way!” and other assorted amazement laden obscenities. After a couple of minutes, they both calmed down and Doc noticed that the woman was scrambling down the hillside. He went to her and helped her the rest of the way. At the spot where her friend had faded away, all he could do was hold her as she cried.
Later, Doc, Goldie and Cori (short for Corrine) walked back to the blue phone booth, which she said was a “tortoise” or something. Doc wasn’t really paying attention because whatever it was, it was strange and kinda alien and a whole hell of a lot bigger on the inside than it had a right to be. Doc was thinking that it would make a pretty fucking swell house when he saw the control panel. At that moment, a bunch of information flooded into his mind and he knew that he could operate this thing. It was a goddamn time machine and spaceship all rolled into one!
In short order, Doc had fired that baby up and taken them to the early Jurassic Period because he wanted to see some dinosaurs. After that, he learned a lot more about what this was all about. He also learned that the guy he had watched die was, in some crazy way, living on in him like some sort of goofy British katra or something.
Much of the time, this guy, who was some sort of doctor, was pretty helpful, but other times he was a pain in the ass. Two quick examples…
Regarding Cori, who was young, hot and (once she accepted Doc as the new doctor on the block) definitely signaling to Doc that she would enjoy a rousing session of Hide The Weenie, this doctor fellow was all about the platonic sort of relationship. Doc told him he was nuts and then proceeded to drill Cori like an oil company drills the Gulf of Mexico. He also boinked the next 5 companions he picked up, plus enough alien chicks to make James T. Kirk look like a virgin. After awhile, all the doctor would do was tsk tsk in an annoyed way.
Then there were the various evil conquering alien species they met. Mr. Voice In The Head often came up with plans that would just stop their evil plots. Doc often just killed as many of the motherfuckers as he could while still stopping their evil plots. And when it came to the Great Enemy of the formerly corporeal doctor, some dude who was obviously into BDSM because he insisted on being called “Master”, Doc took a novel and practical approach.
Upon hearing that this evil douchebag had 9 more regenerations left (which he gloatingly told Doc after they had first met and Doc had managed to capture him), Doc shot him right between the eyes. Nine times in a row, once after each regeneration. End of problem, except for the incessant whining and crying and bitching from the supposedly 1,000+ year old guy who had fought Mr. Villain for centuries and never taken him down for the count.
Eventually, on his own 11th regeneration (one of the benefits of the shared mind deal), Doc returned to Earth in his own time and gave his latest companions the keys to the vehicle. He also transferred Mr. Whiny Ass into an old and goofy looking robot dog, using a technique he had learned from one of the Psychic Amazons of Scorpius Four. Free of his mental hitchhiker and looking good in a new body, Doc and Goldie (who also regenerated and now looked like a timber wolf) started walking towards a nearby town. It had been a fun 578 years, but they were both dying for a really good fish taco.