Frog Newtons

…it’s an accquired taste

I’ve missed a couple of days doing Doclopedia entries, so here are five new ones on the theme of Locations, Locations, Locations! The Smells Like Toon Spirit theme got cut short, but the remainder of it will be added in when the whole thing goes into the website archive.

The Doclopedia #198

Locations, Locations, Locations!: The Silver Dollar Saloon

As saloons go, the Silver Dollar is pretty swanky. This swankiness is made possible by the many ways the management finds to separate miners, cowboys, farmers, drifters and other folks from their hard earned wages. Booze, gambling, sporting ladies…the Silver Dollar has them all.

The downstairs of the saloon is dominated by the 25 foot long L shaped bar and the stage where a small band often plays and dancing girls dance. The rest of the downstairs is given over to tables, including those used for faro, poker, roulette, dice and other games of chance (“chance” being used here in a more or less jesting way). There is a large back room used for storing booze and a small office where the saloon owner counts his money.

Upstairs, it’s all about cribs for the working girls. There are 16 rooms, most of them fairly small, and a door leading to the back stairs, in case a quick egress is needed. The ladies are generally prettier than average and charge reasonable rates.

Unknown to most people, there is a trapdoor in the storeroom. It leads down to a tunnel that extends to a stable 150 feet away. This tunnel can be used for smuggling goods in or people out. The saloon owner is a silent partner in the stable.

Restroom facilities consist of a pretty fancy multi-user outhouse behind the saloon.

 

The Doclopedia #199

Locations, Locations, Locations!: Red Beach Island

This is a smallish island, 7 miles long by about 3.5 miles wide. As the name implies, the beaches are composed of a rusty red sand. This sand comes from the iron rich rocks that are found all over the island.

The tallest point on the island is The Dome, a mile wide hump that rises 550 feet at it’s center. The Dome is, like much of the rest of the island, covered in grasses, ferns and miniature redwood trees that seldom reach more than 80 feet tall. There are numerous old lava tubes running partially or fully through The Dome. Many of these are home for bats.

There are several spring fed creeks on the island, one good sized lake and two large ponds. No humans live here, but wildlife is plentiful. Deer, birds of all kinds, foxes, giant tortoises, land squids, several types of rodent and quite a few reptiles & amphibians are to be found throughout the island. Most have little or no fear of humans. The most dangerous creatures on the island are jaguars, but they are very secretive and hard to find.

The western side of the island has a small natural harbor and several groves of fruit trees. On the whole, this island would make a great re-supply stop or even a hideout for those adventurers that need such a place.

 

The Doclopedia #200

Locations, Locations, Locations!: Ed’s House

Ok, so Ed is the one guy that adventurers always need to go see. Maybe he’s an occult expert or a biplane pilot or a warp drive repairman or something else. Regardless of his skills, sooner or later they will have to go see him.

Ed’s house is a modest 2 bedroom place in a pretty nice working class neighborhood. Since Ed is a bachelor, it’s probably not a prime example of good housekeeping, but it’s not a pigsty either. Besides the two bedrooms (one of which has been converted into a storage room for…stuff) there is a kitchen, a dining room, a bathroom, a living room, a basement and an attic. The tools/books/equipment of Ed’s profession are all over the house.

Since Ed is used to dealing with adventurers, you can bet that there is also a closet full of weaponry somewhere in the house.

 

The Doclopedia #201

Locations, Locations, Locations!: The Restroom On The Edge Of Forever

Technically, it’s restrooms, since it affects both a ladies and a gents, but still the name is kept singular.

As you’ve no doubt guessed, those in the know can enter these restrooms and, by saying or doing the right thing, open a portal in time and space (well, space being that of the surface of Earth). Generally speaking, the trip into the past lasts between 2 and 7 days.

Visually speaking, the restrooms look like medium sized examples of their kind. They are always quite clean and the soap in the dispensers always smells of lemons.

 

The Doclopedia #202

Locations, Locations, Locations!: Hannigan’s Tavern

Located on a corner in a working class section of The Big City, Hannigan’s is the kind of place were the average Joe can stop in for a couple of brews after a hard day at work. The radio is usually set to a baseball game or a comedy show and there’s free pretzels or peanuts at the bar.

The layout is simple…the main room is a 30’X65′ rectangle with booths on one side, the bar on the other and tables & chairs in between. A long hallway connects the main room with (in order): men’s room, ladies room, broom closet, office, store room and “meeting room”. The meeting room is generally used for Hannigan’s weekly poker game, but sometimes it gets used to stash people in trouble. Not criminals, just folks who find themselves in danger from bad guys.

The decor of Hannigan’s runs mostly to dark woods, bar signs and medium level lighting. The place has seen better days, but it’s not a dump.

Open Mon.-Sat. 11 am to 2 am and Sunday from 1 pm to 12 am.

 

The Doclopedia #203

Locations, Locations, Locations!: The Steel Sky Fortress of Shandar Khan

Imagine a mighty fortress, measuring nearly a half a mile on a side, with a castle in the center that stands 250 feet tall. Now, make the whole thing out of enchanted steel, set it on a round disk of earth a mile across and 300 feet thick and set it to floating in the sky at an altitude of about 3 miles and then cloak it so that it’s invisible and silent. THAT is the Steel Sky Fortress of Shandar Khan.

At any given time, the fortress has roughly 3,500 beings living on it, many of them human. There are soldiers, slaves, apprentice mages and support folk. The fortress has room for horses and other riding animals, which are used by the soldiers when a raid is called for. Sewage and other wastes are processed magically back into fresh water and fuel for the furnaces.

Shandar Khan generally allows the fortress to travel randomly on the winds, but is fully capable of ordering it to go anywhere he wants. Since the merest sight of it is terrifying to most sentient creatures, he seldom needs to let loose his troops.

Most of the time, Khan is studying and plotting in his castle and leaves the day to day operations to his right hand man, Evross Xorr, a damned powerful Wizard in his own right.

 

The Doclopedia #204

Locations, Locations, Locations!: The Old Dark House

The Old Dark House is not just an old dark house, you know. Oh no, it is something much creepier and much more dangerous. It’s a haven for monsters, crazed killers, ghosts and other things that bump in the night. Or even bump in the light of day.

The Old Dark House moves around every few years. When it does, it transforms to look like the old dark house whose place it occupies. Then, it sits and waits for victims to enter it. Well, ok, it does allow the odd serial killer or werewolf or zombie out now and again, just to shake things up, but mostly it just sits and waits.

Inside, this homicidal home looks pretty much like any old abandoned house…if a cannibal cult lived there. Additionally, the ODH is strange in that it is much larger on the inside than the outside. In particular, there are lots of hallways and stairways and the basement has at least two levels, with 6 to 12 rooms in each level. Once in awhile, just for fun, the ODH will open up a Hellgate or a dimensional portal in one of it’s rooms.

As you might imagine, getting into the ODH is a hell of a lot easier than getting out. Destroying the ODH is absolutely impossible. What really gets destroyed is the original old dark house. The Old Dark House merely teleports itself to a new location.

 

The Doclopedia #205

Locations, Locations, Locations!: The Duck & Rose Pub

The Duck & Rose is located at #3 Dwarvenhammer Lane in the village of Pine Grove. The pub has room for about 60 people, although it rarely sees more than half that. There are tables and booths and the bar runs the entire length of one side of the main room. The staff is friendly and the general atmosphere is one of good times.

But the pub has a couple of secrets. The owner, Hazon Dakes, is a trafficker in rare and hard to find magical items. Since said trafficking is forbidden by decree of the Queen, he asks and gets a high price for his wares.

The other secret of the Duck & Rose is that in the back most basement storeroom, behind a rather large crate marked “Dried Fish”, is an entrance into a tunnel system. The tunnels run all over beneath the small town and connect with some natural caverns. If you follow these caverns down, they will eventually lead you to the demon world of Demara. So far, nobody has ventured down that far.

Winker Updates

From Yesterday

Our sweet Winkerdog is home from her stay at the vets office. She responded somewhat to the meds the doctor gave her, but is still a very sick dog. We are giving her diuretics for the fluid build up and another med for her blood pressure. None of that will cure her, but we are hoping to give her a decent quality of life for however long she has left.

From This Morning

Winker is still not eating, but she has taken some water this morning. Aside from a couple of trips outside to pee, she has just been sleeping.

From This Afternoon

Winker is doing much better. She has gotten up and walked around several times, including going outside to do her business twice on her own. Best of all, she has been eatingm first when I fedd her fingersful this morning and later on her own. About 45 minutes ago, Grace brought home a bunch of canned and wet dog food and Winker ate about half of a 3.5 ounce container.

She is still drinking lots of water and she seems a bit disoriented sometimes, but that’s ok. When she ate the first little bit on her own, Grace & I both cried. I’m feeling much more optimistic about things now, which is good because last night I slept for shit due to heartburn from hell caused by nerves.

From Now

She has eaten a few more times and walked around a bit more. Things seem to be improving. Me, I’m suffering the ravages of being stressed out for 3 days, but I’ll live.

Sad News

Our dog, Winker, is at the vets office right now and it looks like her problem is congestive heart failure. They are giving her meds to clear her lungs. Please spare some good thoughts for our baby.

My Life Among The Insane Children

…all of whom I am related to by blood

The Doclopedia #197

Smells Like Toon Spirit: The Headless Horse

There are two very important things that you need to know about the ghostly equine known as the Headless Horse: He’s really a very nice fellow and he does have a head.

You see, because he’s a sweet natured horse, he doesn’t want to do really scary things that frighten ordinary folks. On the other hand, he thinks that bad guys need something to fear so they will stay away from his home town area. So, one night, he made just his head invisible. It scared three burglars so bad that ran down to the police station and turned themselves in to Officer O’Lemur. Since then, the Headless Horse has become something of a ghostly crime fighter.

When he’s not putting the fear into crooks, the Headless Horse hangs around in the hills and fields outside of town. He often gives free rides to the local ghosts and he has even been known to help living horses pull heavy wagons.

When al of him is visible, the Headless Horse looks like a very healthy Appaloosa stallion.

Dragon Pie

…first, you’ll need a medium sized dragon

The Doclopedia #196

Smells Like Toon Spirit: The Spirit In The Anvil

Let’s face it, in the cartoon universe, there are lots and lots of anvils. Anvils are the number one item to drop on an unsuspecting nitwit, ranking far ahead of the number two item, pianos. No matter what size your target is, be it blue whale or paramecium, there is an anvil of just the right size.

And then there is that one regular sized anvil that is haunted by the spirit of some poor schmuck that got konked by it. That spirit can cause the anvil to do all sorts of things. For example…

It can cause the anvil to freeze in mid-air and be completely immovable until the target is far away and the anvil dropper is standing under it trying to figure out what the heck happened. At that point, it drops and konks the would be konker.

It can cause the anvil to fly through the air, chasing whoever the spirit wants to konk.

It can make the anvil too heavy to lift.

Or, it can make the anvil float into the sky while the person holding it screams in terror. At about 10,000 feet, it goes back to its normal weight. Note that the anvil always lands on the person who was holding it.

It can cause the anvil to multiply by a factor of 300, thereby causing a rain of anvils. That is never a good thing.

The Spirit of the Anvil may have other powers, but you’d have to be an idiot to go investigating that. Fortunately, the cartoon universe has no shortage of idiots.

Zany Salamanders Bothered My Dwarf Hamster

…he was off his feed for two days afterward

The Doclopedia #195

Smells Like Toon Spirit: Grandma Gussie’s Ghost

Many cartoon grandmothers are sweet old ladies who bake cookies and have kitty cats and wouldn’t harm a fly. Grandma Gussie is not one of them.

She was a cantankerous old gal when she was alive and her mood has only gotten worse since she’s been dead. She haunts her house with a frying pan in one hand and a broom in the other and she will smack you with both of them if you come nosing around. She has also been known to drop anvils on unsuspecting saps and is not above tossing around sticks of dynamite. Grandma Gussie ain’t messing around, you young punk!

Gussie will often let folks come into her house, then start scaring the hell out of them once it gets dark. Since her house is on the outskirts of town right near that stretch of road where cars get flat tires on stormy nights, she gets plenty of visitors.

As if a grumpy ghostly granny wasn’t bad enough, she has three ghostly cats that are mean, sneaky, vicious and scary looking. Their names are Cuddles, Baby and Gumdrop. One of their favorite tricks is to sneak up behind an already scared silly intruder and then give out a big yowl while clawing a their legs. This has been known to make the intruder run through several walls and then out into the nearby cornfield.

Grandma Gussie looks like a crabby faced little old woman with grey hair. She wears a dress and an apron and a pair of pink bunny slippers.

The Rare And Beautiful Blue Hopping Chicken Of Potawango Island

…they can hop along at 40 miles an hour

So, a quick recap of my 4 days at Dundracon…

1: Every game I ran or played in was lots of fun. The TOON game had a ton of people in it and all of them were funny.

2: Despite the audience submitting suggestions that were somewhat less than well thought out, the “Stump The Gamemasters” panel went very well. All of the guys showed off their creative genius, which is only to be expected when you have that many gamemasters in one place.

3: I bought very little. This was because I had a limited budget and most of the board games or RPG stuff I wanted was WAY outside it. The only new item I bought was a Pirate Fluxx deck. I did hit up the flea market for a $5 copy of Basic Role Playing and a $1 deck of Falling cards.

4: There was a Freecycle table where folks dropped off stuf they wanted to give away. Mostly, it was old board games nobody really wanted and old rpg books that I had no interest in. I did grab some coin counters and terrain hexes when somebody dumped a bunch of bags of game pieces on the table.

5: I got to chat with lots of folks I only see in person once a year, including my long time (as in 22 years) TOON player, Cody and his lovely and funny girlfriend, Amber.

6: For whatever reason, the anime shows they had running were even greater examples of Japanese strangeness than usual. At one point, just reading the subtitles of the song one bouncy breasted anime character was singing nearly melted my brain.

7: I also got to see Paul & Samantha, two of my regular gaming group folks. It’s been about a year and a half since we last gamed, but I told them we’d be starting up a new series in a month or so.

8: It was good to get back home to Grace and The Girls. They were all as glad to see me s I was to see them.

Given our somewhat improved finances, I may go to KublaCon in late May for a day. GenCon is 99% out this year, as is Origins. I’m not sure about any other cons just now.

Ok, I’m off to work. The Doclopedia post will go up tonight.

 

 

 

The 4 Things You Need To Know About Cupcake Gnomes

…#2: they pee vanilla extract

The Doclopedia #193

Good Idea/Bad Idea: RoboPets

Good Idea: Building sweet little robotic bunnies and kitties that behaved just like the real thing.

Bad Idea: Building robotic pitbulls and wolverines.

 

The Doclopedia #194

Good Idea/Bad Idea: Deflecting Trouble

Good Idea: Deflecting that 1,000 foot wide meteor away from Chicago.

Bad Idea: Deflecting it right into the Yellowstone Caldera.

 

NOTE: That ends the Good Idea/Bad Idea theme. Starting tomorrow, the Doclopedia theme will be Smells Like Toon Spirit.

 

The Ten Blue Budgies Find Some Money

…and they go crazy buying millet seed

Another report from Dundracon: The Seminar went great yesterday.  Everybody very creative.  Played in a steampunk game last night.  My character was an a-moral thieving gambler with a heart of gold.  Obviously type-casting.  Slept terribly last night even with the help of chemicals.

Woke up this morning running on only five hours sleep, powered by caffeine and the willpower of my Celtic ancestors.  Ate a huge breakfast, which didn’t do much to wake me up, but I may explode any time now.  Am about to look for a board game to play in.

More reportage later.

Madness Takes Its Troll

…insane trolls?

Just a quick post to let y’all know that I’m off to Dundracon in about an hour and the only posts that might pop up here will be if I call Grace (my lovely wife & webmistress) and have her put something up. Actually, you’ll be much more likely to see posts like that on my Facebook page. Have a great weekend and if you are going to Dundracon, look me up and say hello.

Mr. Porkwaffle Attends A Barroom Brawl

…just as an observer, mind you

The Doclopedia #190

Good Idea/Bad Idea: Reanimating The Dead

Good Idea: Using science to reactivate the dead tissue of a human being, so as to hold the secrets of life, death and immortality in your godlike hands! Bwahahahaha!

Bad Idea: You reanimated your mother in law? Seriously, WTF?      

The Doclopedia #191

Good Idea/Bad Idea: Volunteering For Superpowers

Good Idea: The super serum will make you far stronger, faster and more agile than any human. Your senses will be vastly increased and your healing factor will increase by a couple of orders of magnitude.

Bad Idea: Not finding out how it worked on chimps first. Now your hypersensitive to light, sound, smells and the touch of all but the softest silk. Don’t even ask about taste. You destroy almost everything you touch and your skin peels constantly as new cells push off the old.

The Doclopedia #192

Good Idea/Bad Idea: Boldly Going
Good Idea: Taking your spacecraft and loyal crew into uncharted space in search of new worlds, new civilizations and hot green women.

Bad Idea: Not stopping to think that when those aliens said they were part of an empire, they weren’t just yanking your chain.

Good Lord, What Has That Damned Hippie Done This Time?

…hippie?

BIG NEWS!!!

After 6 1/2 years on Live Journal, I’m leaving and taking everything to WordPress. While I have not had any huge problems with LJ, there have been some little things and when you add in the exodus of many of my friends to other venues, I started looking for another blogging joint. My webmistress and a couple of friends suggested WordPress, so there ya go. Additionally, Grace is going to be linking the new blog to the new website and Facebook and, for all I know, to the main computers on the Enterprise and the TARDIS.

The new blog is at: https://dociverse.wordpress.com/

But first, for old time’s sake, one more LJ style Doclopedia entry…

The Doclopedia #189

Good Idea/Bad Idea: The Rapture

Good Idea: Following the beliefs of your religion, you gather in your millions in various places around the world to await being taken up to heaven. On May 21, 2011, darned if all of you don’t just sort of fade away off the planet.

Bad Idea: Not making 100% sure that is wasn’t aliens beaming you up to their huge refrigerator ships so they could take you back to their homeworld where their elite could dine on the exquisite delicacy of your bliss endorphin soaked brains while the rest of your body was butchered up and sold to the lower classes.

Sammy Slug Goes To The Beach

…it was a great story until he hit that saltwater

The Doclopedia #188

Pop Culture From Other Worlds: Celebrities

Some of these names might be familiar.

James Bond is a former Prime Minister and current host of the BBC series “Behind The News”. As Prime Minister, he was well liked, especially by female voters. As an investigative reporter, he has an amazing knack for finding out and exposing the most incredible wrongdoings of governments, criminal organizations and big business.

Bob Dylan is a writer/director who has won numerous Academy Awards. Many of his films tell stories of extremely entangled love affairs, while others deal with social issues. He has also directed several episodes of television programs, including “Columbo” and “I Love A Mystery”.

Janis Joplin was America’s first woman in space and the first woman to set foot on the moon. She is also the astronaut who found the first “moon diamond”, which directly lead to the eventual colonization of the moon. Two lunar colonies are named after her: Joplin and Janisville.

Prince Harad of Jafaristan has saved more kingdoms, cities and towns than most people have had hot meals. His skill with a sword is only matched by his skill at magic. His loyal troops, known as the Brotherhood of The Sword, would follow him into Hell…again.

Mao Tse-tung was a popular writer of mystery novels. His series about the Chinese detective, Mr. Hong, sold millions of copies across Asia and spawned a film series that ran to 35 films between 1933 and 1956. He moved to Australia in 1958 and saw a second wave of popularity when his books were translated to English.

Fay Wray was the first scientist to study gorillas in the wild back in 1949-1955. Her books and many short films about life among the gentle apes directly lead to the establishment of the International Species Protection Act and the huge gorilla preserves found in Africa.

Kimmy the Kinkajou is without a doubt the most beloved cartoon character in the world. Her wacky antics have made millions laugh and helped make Bonko Studios the number one cartoon studio in the world. Besides working in cartoons, Kimmy has also done television and Broadway theater. She is also the spokestoon for Healthy Chow restaurants.

Don’t Talk To Me While You Wear The Weasel Hat

…it was a very polarizing hat

Ok, so I missed doing an entry Sunday. I made up for it.

The Doclopedia #186

Pop Culture From Other Worlds: Games

Every universe has gaming geeks. This is what some of them play.

Technology: The Gathering On at least three worlds where magic has mostly replaced science, this game has been created and is wildly popular. It’s a collectible card game and some of the cards (such as the Fusion Generator or the Genetic Engineer) fetch very high prices.

Swords & Spells This is the game that Dungeons & Dragons would have been if it had been created by drama and film students instead of miniatures wargamers. It has a very devoted following and made deeper inroads into mainstream culture than D&D did on our world.

Dog Chess This game is only slightly like the chess we know. It has similar moves and the pieces bear somewhat of a resemblance to chess pieces, but everything else about it is different. The board is made up of 100 squares, scent plays a huge roll and pieces can be caused to submit and join the opposite pack. This game is hugely popular among intelligent canids.

Survival World Part MMO, part reality series, part Artificial Reality, this game is huge on Earth 5. After going through 7 levels of training that eliminates the weakest players, the final contenders (upwards of 3,000 of them) are placed in the Survival World Reality and told to get from point A to point B. These points are usually on different continents. Everyone has a different destination and everyone starts out with nothing but the clothes on their back and a dagger. Game breaks occur only when the player needs food, water or a bathroom break. Sleeping must be done in game. Most games last for about 6 weeks. Killing other competitors in the game world is not against the rules.

The Doclopedia #187

Pop Culture From Other Worlds: Sports

Welcome to the wide world of multiversal sports!

Martian Rules Football This is like some unholy blending of American football, soccer and pole vaulting. Due to the lower Martian gravity, spectacular leaps, passes and kicks can be made. The field is 1.25 miles long and .75 miles wide. Teams start with 12 players and no replacing of injured or banished players is allowed. There are lots of injuries.

Zeppelin Racing In this sport, small three man zeppelins race through an obstacle laden track that can be up to 60 miles long. No weapons are allowed on the zeppelins, but crewmen are encouraged to taunt other crews quite rudely. The annual European Cup draws entries from 16 different countries. In North America, zeppelin racing is done on a zigzagging 100 mile long course and the no weapons rule does not apply to pre-gunpowder weapons.

Flooning There are no less than 5 universes where flooning, or some variant thereof, exists. Flooning matches draw huge crowds and every city and town seems to have a team. Play is done on a hexagonal field where each side measures 100 yards. There are two lesser goals (fleens) and one greater goal (floon) per side. Each team has 23 players, counting the scruffer and the two lorks. The game is played in 17 minute segments and 5 segments make up a full game. During the third segment only, the zanziball is replaced by a hotdisk and a umblyball. The first team to score 33 points wins. If there is a tie by the end of the game, the teams play one final 9 minute segment with two zanziballs and a kidge. First team to score a two way floon wins.

The Big Book Of Insane Experiments

…subtitled: Playing God With Items You Can Find In The Home

The Doclopedia #185

Pop Culture From Other Worlds: Television

Today we have assorted television series from the multiverse.

Lemurias’s Got Talent! One of the most popular programs on Earth 63, it is just behind “Death Arena Football” and “So You Think You Can Skydance” in the ratings for First through Third level Citizens.

Professional Roleplaying Tonight On Geek Earth, this has been the number one series on Wednesday nights for 35 years. It is so popular that it actually has no competition, with all 5 broadcast networks (and 6 cable channels) carrying the full three hours. Noted game designers rotate on doing the color commentary.

The Fuhrer Speaks On the world where the Nazis won, viewing this program is mandatory. It airs at 7 am and 7 pm every day except Sunday.

Agents Of The Empire! This is a very popular action adventure series set in the 1880’s in the Bear Flag Empire of California. It debuted in 1968 starring Leonard Nimoy as Agent Martin Drake, Peter Graves as Agent Tom Clay and Rosalind Russell as the Minister of Security. It went off the air in 1983, but a new version debuted 6 years later and is still on.

Beware Of The Potbull

…they’re like pitbulls, only too stoned to attack you

The Doclopedia #184

Pop Culture From Other Worlds: Music

A “top ten” selection of songs from other Earths.

10: “Let’s Keelhaul The Frenchman!” (traditional pirate song)

9: “Spell & Scroll High School” (by The Ramonas)

8: “Ogre From Muskogee” (by Snarl Haggird)

7: “Theme From Star Trek” (by James Brown)

6: “Born To Run” (by Elvis Presley)

5: “Musical Selection #3,964 B” (by Composerbot 220)

4: “Silly Little Mammals” (by Jet Carnosaur and the Hunters)

3: “Live & Let Die” (by The Beatles)

2: “Martian Radio” (by Wall Of Voodoo)

1: “Grandma Got Run Over By A Bugbear” (by Nerflo & Wixie)

Doc Tempest VS The Men Of Steel

…from the May, 1957 issue

The Doclopedia #183

Pop Culture From Other Worlds: Movies

Citizen Kanine

Written, directed and starring young Arfson Wells, this story of newspaper publisher Charles Foster Kanine is widely regarded as being the best American movie ever made.

The Lord Of The Rings

This is, of course, actually three movies that total nearly 12 hours in length. After the incredible success of “The Hobbit” in 1962, the Disney Universal animation department pulled out all the stops on this 14 million dollar non-musical 1969 production.

Gojira

This incredibly documentary by Ishiro Honda, chronicles the five day long attack on Tokyo and other areas of Japan by the creature known as Gojira. It won all of the major film awards for 1955.

True Grit

Based on the Charles Portis novel, the story of young half elf Mattie Ross and her quest to bring her father’s sorcerous slayers to justice with the aid of U.S. Wizard Reuben J. “Rooster” Cogburn won 6 Academy Awards, including Best Actor for John Wayne.

It’s All Fun & Games Until Somebody Gets Injected With Radioactive Waste

…way to kill the party, dude

Hey, gang, it’s Pop Culture From Other Worlds Week!

The Doclopedia #182

Pop Culture From Other Worlds: Books

This list is made up of popular fiction and nonfiction selections from several alternate Earths.

The Steam Giants of Oz by L. Frank Baum

Dorothy and her friend the Wind Up Cow stop an invasion of the Emerald City by the robotic Steam Giants of Goom.

Tricky Dick: The True Story Of The Greatest Jazz Drummer Ever by Max Washington

Tells the story of how Richard “Tricky Dick” Nixon rebelled against his parents and became a world famous jazz & big band drummer with a 60 year career.

Little Dome On The Prairie by Laura Ingalls Ramirishan

The classic beloved story of a young girl and her family who are among the first settlers on Mars, getting there about halfway through the terraforming process. This book was the first in a series of 12.

Human Park by Arpax 555/Delta

A science fiction thriller wherein robot scientists clone extinct humans for exhibition in a theme park/nature preserve…until things go horribly wrong. Made into an enormously popular entertainment program by Hibra 701/Gamma, it was advertised as “An Adventure 650 Years In The Making”.

Three Lemon Tarts, A Glass Of Milk And A Fork

…Yum Yum!

The Doclopedia #179

Magic Items That Don’t Look Cool: Amulet Of Hellfire

This item doesn’t even try to look like a proper amulet. It looks like five soda bottle caps on a dirty old piece of string.

But as far as being a useful bit of magic, well, it is that. The wearer of the amulet can shoot pure unadulterated hellfire from his or her eyes, with a range of up to 300 feet. A couple of good side to side head moves can level half a village. Want to blast a hole clean through an ancient red dragon? Wear this amulet and you can.

Of course, each time you unleash the hellfire, a bit of your soul gets used up, but you’ll stop before it’s all gone, right?

The Doclopedia #180

Magic Items That Don’t Look Cool: Spectacles Of Inspiration

There are some people out there wearing ugly eyewear, but none of those glasses are as ugly and unstylish as the Spectacles of Inspiration. Really, even that hatchet faced old grade school teacher you had in fourth grade didn’t wear specs that looked this bad.

On the other hand, don’t you think it might be worth it to look like the Dark God of the Uncool Visually Impaired for a while in exchange for getting the properly inspired idea to get you out of the dumbass predicament you’ve gotten yourself into? Sure you do!

These glasses can, thankfully, only be worn once a day. You do have to wear them for at least three minutes, but once you get all inspired and shit, you can take them off.

The Doclopedia #181

Magic Items That Don’t Look Cool: Slippers Of Sliding

For the ability to slide with near frictionless ease, you can’t beat this magical pair of slippers. The effect lasts for about 5 minutes after you put them on, during which time you can move faster than a snowboarder on a giant non-stick skillet. Of course, you’ll need a good push off or a downhill slope, but those are mere details.

The bad news is that these beat up, ugly green colored slippers look like they fell out of the dumpster behind the Old Folks Home. And they stink. Oy vey how they stink!

Adventure Module S2: Dungeons Of The Sewer Troll Queen

…for characters of Level 3-5 who have a weak sense of smell

The Doclopedia #177

Magic Items That Don’t Look Cool: Ring Of Dreamwalking

The power to enter another person’s dreams and affect them is a pretty powerful ability. You can use it to scare the hell out of them, help them through trying emotional times, find out their deepest secrets or even have dream sex with them. Dreamwalking has been used to defeat both evil and good, often with exactly the same end results. Empires have fallen at the hands of skilled dreamwalkers. But first you need to wear the Ring of Dreamwalking.

The ring is made of rusty iron and set with a couple of very cheap and not at all nice looking gemstones. It bears no inscription other that a crudely carved “DW” on outside edge. Finally, it’s a pretty small size, so most adult men will have to wear it on their pinky.

The Doclopedia #178

Magic Items That Don’t Look Cool: Cape Of Leaping

The Cape of Leaping is a much sought after magical item among thieves. While wearing it, you can do a running leap of up to 60 feet in length or a standing leap of 35 feet straight up. It also allows you to land like a cat if you should leap from as high as 75 feet up. It’s a great item to wear if you are of the larcenous inclination…and not sartorially picky.

The cape is only a bit past waist length and is colored a drab grey that is mottled with all sorts of stains. It’s very thin and full of holes and smells bad. It may have once been a chew toy for a pack of dogs. Worse yet, it will stain up any other clothes you are wearing. Attempts to wash it will cause it to teleport far away.