The Rare And Beautiful Golden Giant Ants Of Potawango Island

…they enjoy dancing and drinking cocktails in the moonlight

The Doclopedia #345

The Rise Of The…: Plants

Western Illinois: A farmer is found dead and dismembered in the middle of his soybean field. There are no tracks, no trace evidence and no real motive.

Southern China: A small town of 1,200 people, including 6 Communist Party officials there on an inspection tour, is found completely deserted.

Brazil: The sole surviving worker from a crew sent out to clear rain forest for farming can only repeat “The jungle came alive!” for the three days he survived in the hospital.

I could recount about a thousand similar events, which got the blame put on everybody from environmentalists to terrorists to business rivals to invading aliens, but we all know what really did it.

The fucking plants!

All of those seemingly isolated events were just experimental forays…recon to see how we’d react. When we blamed everything else but the plants, they knew they were good to go, so on June 10th, 2001, the shit hit the fan.

Houseplants, gardens, yards, fields of grain and vegetables…they all struck at once. Forests got up and fucking started marching on cities! Chemical agents went into our drinking water and building air ducts and hundreds of millions died. Pollens and spores were released in huge numbers and caused allergic reactions bad enough to render a couple billion people unable to fight or even run. Entire navies were sunk by kelp and other aquatic plants.

Nuke ’em, you say? Funny thing there…no nukes would fire. Turns out that a fast growing and deadly fungus shut them all down and killed all the people who could repair them

Herbicides? The plants were ahead of us there, too. They did their own little GMO thing to render herbicides useless. Not that there was anybody around to spray ’em anyway.

Some say trees were the worst, but for my money, it was the vines. Jesus, they could move so fast and they’d grab people and strangle them or tear them apart. All those ivy covered colleges and homes? Slaughterhouses.

It took two weeks…TWO FUCKING WEEKS…for the plants to reduce us to less than half a billion worldwide and then herd us into preserves. We can live our lives in peace, but the trees and vines surrounding us will never let us leave this 100 or so square miles. Technology is allowed, but only if it’s not too polluting. Oddly, there seems to be a big preserve in California where thousands of scientists are allowed to work on building spacecraft and the stuff you’d need for a Mars colony.

I’m thinking we’re going to get evicted when their done.

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