The Cupcake Elves And The Cookie Gnomes Go To War!

…meanwhile, the Ice Cream Dwarves just sit back and watch

CatCon4: Day 5 A lazy day…Critters Assemble!…we view two houses made of stuff

Our Monday got off to a later than usual start. This can be blamed on: adults going out for adult beverages and fun the previous night…and everybody being tired from walking around the city streets yesterday…and it being a vacation…and it’s friggin’ New Orleans!

So after rising at the crack of 10:00 AM, we humans went down the street for a hearty breakfast and left the critters on the bus with a movie playing on the big screen tv.

(Flash: It was “The Incredible Journey”. I love that movie!)

Unfortunately, in my muzzy headed and hungry state, I neglected to activate the security system, so when we came back 45 minutes later, we found the front door open and heard all hell braking loose inside.

I hurried in just in time to see Abby head butt some young street punk in the ass while he tried to simultaneously remove Flash from his neck, Lucy from his pants leg and Winker from his arm. He wasn’t doing very well, as was indicated by his pleas to me to call them off and his profuse bleeding. Being a kindly sort, I only let them fuck him up for another minute before I called them off. He thanked me as he sat cowering. When he saw everyone else enter the bus, he began the street punk chant about “just messing around” and “didn’t mean any harm”. He was still saying that when I tossed him off the bus face first into a parked car.

Then I raided the pantry and fridge for rewards for the Animal Avengers.

(Lucy: A whole pot roast! Oh yeah, baby!)
(Abby: Man, that was a lot of apples and grapes. *BURP*)
(Winker: Pizza! Delicious all meat pizza!)
(Flash: Smoked salmon and raw shrimp! I’m gonna go pass out for a day or two.)

Minutes later we were back on the road and hauling ass for Texas. We made good time and were coming up on Lake Charles when Avis, who has been sitting in the co-pilot/dog chair, pointed out a sign that said “World Famous Manure Mansion: 20 miles” and had an arrow pointing north. A quick vote said that no damned way could we pass up that bit of roadside greatness, so we made the turn. In less than 20 minutes, there we were, in front of a huge mansion made of (as the big sign out front said) cow manure mixed with concrete.

But it looked pretty damned ordinary to us, because it was painted white and styled like pretty much every souther plantation house ever made. The sign went on to explain how the owners brother ran a cattle feed lot in Texas and had lots of manure, so blah, blah, blah! It was a big disappointment. We were expecting stacked cow patties or a house shaped like a giant turd or something. What a ripoff.

We were, however, more than repaid for that bitter disappointment by what we found just over the Texas state line near Beaumont: “The World Famous Gator House”.

Friends and neighbors, this place is not only right off the highway, it’s cheap ($3.00 a head), has a guided tour and is gator by God central! The house itself is 120 feet long, two stories high and looks like a very realistic alligator. But wait, there’s more! The entrance arch over the long driveway? Made of 4 big concrete gators! The pond in the middle of the front yard? Fenced and full of gators! All of the furniture, appliances, artwork, rugs, etc? Looks like gators or is covered in gator hides! Hell yeah!

They had FIVE different t-shirts…about a dozen kinds of fridge magnets…scads of postcards and a bunch of other gator related stuff. I may need to have Joe create a new room to hold everything we bought.

(All Critters: ALLIGATORS! BIG HUNGRY FUCKIN’ ALLIGATORS! We all hid in the shoe room!)

And then we drove on to Plum Grove Texas and our stopping point for the night.

More late ass blogging later.

Music: QM Radio “Old Time Arcturan Radio” featuring 4 episodes of “Kwip Wevip, Consulting Jurmox”

Destination Sign: 221 B Baker Street

CatCon4: Day 6 A short entry

Our trip report for Tuesday goes like this…

8 AM: Wake up, eat, hit the road

10 AM: Short stop (15 minutes) at “The House Of Blue Glass”. Small house, but really made entirely of thick slabs of blue glass. The man and wife who live there are more than a little strange.

Noon: Stop for barbecue and chili because we are in TEXAS, damn it!

2:30 PM: After fully securing all pets, especially those named Flash and Lucy, we go watch the 20 minute show at “Big Mel’s Trained Rat Theater”. They show was pretty good and the rats were smart and well trained, but I was too paranoid to enjoy it after last year’s unfortunate incident at “Uncle Ferdie’s Trained Squirrel Review”.

(Flash & Lucy: Even once you’ve paid your debt to society, you are forever branded.)
(Abby & Winker: You two spent the whole time we were locked down trying to escape so you could “chase us some rats”!)

4:30 PM: We arrive in Wilted Springs, which has officially changed the town name to Critter City. We check in at the Hyatt and nap before dinner at “Pizza My Heart” and then a stroll around town, meeting gamers and pets every few yards.

And then we slept.

Music: QM Radio “All Alt. Polka, All The Time”

Destination Sign: Toad Hall


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