A Young Ladies Book Of Proper Adventuring

…with special attention paid to comfortable clothing and guns

This week is First Contact/Last Contact Week in the good old Doclopedia. Enjoy!

The Doclopedia #369

First Contact/Last Contact: The Delvians Meet Cats & Dogs

Begin Transcription of the Report by Zif Commander Soolox, Highest Scholar Wivnib and Kwilbik Technichian Second Plateau Mooltav to the Most Exalted Council of The Illuminated.

Council Member Twilf: We are told that the integration into the other dimension…which I believe is called “Earth” by the locals…went well. Is this true?

Soolox: Yes, that is true. The Jewel of Goosalix reintegrated into an area of tall vegetation not unlike our ceemo grasses, but much larger. We noticed several native life forms, but they seemed benign and ran away from us. There were other types of vegetation around, most of which towered hundreds of uvifs into the air. It was quite breathtaking.

Council Member Twilf: Yes, I’m sure it was. The videos are quite impressive. Now, Scholar Wivnib, you lead the actual exploratory party. Tell us about that.

Wivnib: Yes, I lead a party consisting of Underscholars Ploodvax, Jeerim & Lobtar. We were accompanied by Warriors Yuunbik and Bexyo. Our mission was to venture two avifs out from the ship, then conduct a circular survey as we spiraled back to it. This would take us from beneath the shade of the gargantuan vegetation out into the sunlight. We started out fine, noting many interesting life forms along the way. As we reached the two avif point, it dawned on me that our very limited viewing of this world had not corrected for size differences. We had assumed that our scale was equal to that of the beings we had glimpsed, but as we now know, they are 50 to 60 times our size. The vegetation we were walking through was grass, plain and simple.

So, we had just reached the two avif point and were letting our eyes adjust to the bright sunlight when the creatures attacked. The first two were enormous…easily four times the size of our ship…and they pounced on us, swatting Ploodvax and Bexyo with their paws and knocking them many uvifs away from the rest of us. We attempted to run, but this only seemed to excite the creatures and intensify the attack. They actually seemed to be playing with us, much as a hoveef will play with a koob nut. I managed to find a place to hide inside a short hollow metallic structure attached to the end of a long length of synthetic material. It was damp, but I was safe.

Council Member Eevkof: A terrible situation, I am sure. Now, Zif Commander, you and your crew of three back on the ship became aware of the attack when?

Soolox: We were aware as soon as it started, since we were in constant radio contact with the exploratory party. We were grabbing our weapons within seconds, but then fell under attack ourselves. The creature was the largest living thing I had ever seen. It was at least 5 times the size of the creatures Scholar Wivnib describes. It had a long snout and huge teeth and it was covered in brown and black fur. Before we could do anything, it grabbed the ship in it’s mouth and carried us off several avifs.

Council Member Eevkof: And that was when young Mooltav here saved the day.

Mooltav: Well, I activated the Veen Field, yes. You see, when the creature picked us up, I was the only one still strapped into a control seat. The Zif Commander managed to grab onto the weapons rack, but poor Seleeb and Vipyib were thrown the length of the bridge and killed instantly. I was stunned for a bit, but did manage to activate the field, which caused the beast to drop us. After that, my memory is a bit fuzzy, since the Zif Commander and I were busy trying to do damage repairs and activate the floater units. And then the second beast attacked. It was perhaps half the size of the larger beast, with very long aural appendages and a mouth that dripped pre-digestive fluids. It sniffed the ship with it’s long nose, then…then…it sprayed us with a huge stream of urine. It was terrible!

Council Member Twilf: By the Third Moon! I’m sure it must have been! It is a testament to your fovozik training that you and the Zif Commander were able to carry on with your efforts. Now, back to you, Scholar Wivnib. Tell us more of how the members of your exploratory team perished.

Wivnib: As I stated, I found safety in the tubular structure, from which I could only watch in horror as the two creatures toyed with my crew mates. They would try to run away and the creatures would allow it, only to pounce or slap them down a few tivobs later. Eventually, the screams stopped along with any movement. At that point they creatures began chewing on, but not consuming them. I believe the laaro metal of their lifesuits was distasteful to the creatures. I admit to being overcome for a few avobs, until I heard the ship paging me on my com unit.

Council Member Twilf: Yes, and it was then that you got the floater units activated, Zif Commander?

Soolox: Yes, Exalted One. By then, the two huge creatures had moved several dozen avifs away and were engaged in a mock battle consisting of attacking one another and rolling about with much noise and thrashing, but no actual damage. We contacted Scholar Wivnib and locked onto his location. Our approach was rapid enough to scare off the two smaller creatures, but did attract the attention of the two larger ones. We were barely able to get the Scholar on board and phase back to this world before the larger creature reached our location. Once we were fully integrated back here, the Yunvox Team took over and you know the rest.

Council Member Twilf: Indeed we do, Zif Commander. As a result of your unfortunate expedition, we declare all travel to the dimension designated “Earth” be prohibited, with such prohibition being enforced with the harshest of punishments.


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