A Quail With A Pail And A Snail Wearing A Veil Conversed By Mail About A Tale Concerning A Frail Male Whale That Was Locked Up In Jail

…and fed only stale ale

The Doclopedia #393

Big Balls: The Scientist & Inventors Ball

Alright, boys, it’s that time of year again, the time of the big shindig over on Third Avenue. For those of you who are new to the force, I’m talking about the 10th Annual Scientist & Inventors Ball. It’s been held every year since 1895 and I’m here to tell you that New York City is damned lucky to survive it. You put upwards of 300 crackpots in a confined space with their dates and their latest creations and brother, something is going to blow. And I DO mean blow…as in blow up, shoot fire or lightning, cause things to disappear, take off into the air, try to eat humans and/or buildings, cause brains to explode or turn ordinary folks into monsters. Two years ago we lost four blocks of ritzy houses to a giant glob of snot! I know that Mahoney here can tell you about the acid spitting robots from ’98, and it’s not a pretty story.

Now, this year, the Mayor and the Governor have promised that we’ll have soldiers and marines helping us, but we all know that when the shit hits the fan, it’ll all be on us and the boys in the Fire Department to clean it up. We’ve got five days to prepare and so you’ll all be getting your assignments by tomorrow.

I’m not yanking your legs when I say this is a damned dangerous assignment. Hell, it’s going to be even more dangerous this year because it’s the tenth year of this insanity. The guest list is running near 450 and there’ll be scientists and inventors from all over the world. Lord help us with the French, English & Germans in the same room! And the Chinese are saying that they’re bringing a goddamn dragon!

You’ll all be armed with these new rocket guns, which they say will blow a hole through armor plate. Along with that, you’ll be wearing this lightweight armor. Yeah, yeah, it looks stupid, but it might save your life. Those of you assigned to actually be inside the Ball will get other weapons and stuff. But hey, if things get really bad in there, get your asses outside. The nutjobs at the Ball hardly ever get badly hurt, but us poor cops are another story.

Ok, that’s about it for now. O’Hara will hand out some stuff for you to read. Have a good day out there and between now and Saturday, spend as much time with your friends and families as possible.

 

 

After The Change Came: Series 2

Sin Is In

And Sweet Jesus up a pecan tree, is he tired! I’m sure y’all thought I fell off the planet, being gone five days and all, but I was just way busy. After the Great Shoe Expedition, my last two days in The City were mostly all about what my sister Scarlett would have referred to as “sin and debauchery in some disgusting Yankee den of perverts” (something, by the way, that the pre-gnomed Scarlett could have benefited from). I stand unrepentant because there are so many women and so little time. Also, it was just crazy fun.

After I left San Francisco, I took the train to Fresno where spent two days hanging out with some artist friends and helping them paint a huge (ten feet tall and a mile long!) mural celebrating the 10th year of Fresno hosting the North American Association of Mages. I had fun, but by the time I left I was aching from head to toe. When I got home this morning, I slept for 12 hours. The only reason I woke up when I did was because Babe was telling me that we were out of fresh greens and the new series of Doctor Who was going to start in a couple of hours. Babe and I are both big fans of the 19th Doctor, so after a quick trip to the local store for greens and sandwich fixings, we had dinner and are waiting for the show to start.

I’m supposed to finish painting Mage Daphne’s home tomorrow. I think after that I’ll call up Doc and see if he wants to go fishing on Monday. Somewhere in there I really need to do some grocery shopping and housecleaning, too.

Ah, show is starting! More blogging later.

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