The Thrilling Adventures Of Doctor Tempest And The Great Submarine Race

…from the July 1896 issue

Rant: Shit I Do Not Understand

1: Why anybody gives a fuck about the Kardashians.

Who the fuck are these people, anyway? How did they get a television show? Did I miss something and they were in a hit movie or maybe escaped from Iran or something? Did one of them write a famous novel? Really, why would anybody care about that pack of rich nitwits?

2: What the hell is up with worshipping sports coaches?

Yo, people, these guys just tell other guys how to play a fucking game! That’s it! If they are lucky enough to win often or just manage to be adequate for 30-40 years, people talk about them like they descended from Mount Olympus. People ought to be giving that love and praise to firemen or scientists or the guy who slogs through the snow to repair your furnace or teachers or farmers. When was the last time a football coach operated on your heart or found a vaccine for polio or even just changed the sparkplugs on your car?

3: Why doesn’t the tech industry bitchslap the entertainment industry?

Well, ok, they did, finally, with SOPA & PIPA, but they need to do that shit more often. I mean, hey, computer games rake in more bucks than movies and unlike the motion picture, television and music industries, the internet is just getting bigger every day. Come on, High Tech, buy up some politicians and lobbyists and make those entertainment goobs your bitches. We common folk will behind you 100%.

4: When will the gay people be coming to destroy my marriage?

According to the Republican Party and the Religious Right (whom we know would never utter a falsehood), married gay men or maybe lesbians should have ruined my happy home by now. I’ve asked gay couples about this in the past, you know, to maybe schedule an appointment, but the married couples I know don’t seem to know anything about when it all starts. Not that I’m eager to end my marriage, but I was kinda hoping fellow Californian George Takei might drop by to give it a go, at which point I’d get his autograph and a couple of pictures. Hell, even the gay folks I grew up with don’t have a clue. Poor planning, Homosexual Americans, very poor planning.

Ok, that’s it for this time. More bloggage soon.

 

After The Change Came: Series 2

Sin Takes A Holiday

Oh my, dear readers, has it really been a week since my last post? I apologize, but I’ve been busy during the day painting everything from portraits of Mages to the front doors of three different houses. At night, I’ve been getting ready for Christmas. This year, for the first time in decades, I will once again spend Christmas Eve with the Cross extended family, then very early on Christmas morning I’ll be off to Charleston to be with my own full family for the first time since 1982. Most of them, like most of the Cross family, are gnomes, so it will be a much more fun affair than it ever was in the pre-Change years. I particularly want to see my Great Aunt Philomena (Philly), because she was such a hoot when I was a kid. She ought to be even more fun now that she is a young woman again. My Uncle Arthur will also be there and I’m sure that becoming a werebear has not impeded his ability to tell great stories, off color jokes and dirty limericks.

My human sister, Valentine (Val), tells me that Mom & Dad are busting their gnomish butts to make this a great Christmas for us all. You have no idea how unlike my pre-Change parents that is. Mom always hired people to do the holiday party prep and Dad pretty much just signed the checks. Even though I’ve seen pictures of holidays they’ve had since the Change, this will be the first time I’ve been there in the flesh.

Gotta run. The two young ladies who just moved into the house next door need some help with trimming their tree. I may be very late getting home.

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