Mr. Porkwaffle Sets Loose The Kraken

…no, really, it was his pet kraken, Oliver

TWO Doclopedia posts here, my little gyring & gimboling slithy toves! Might do two more later this evening!

The Doclopedia #402

The Alphabet, Again: C is for…Corn Man

Some superheroes are just not cut out for the big time. Corn Man is a prime example of this, since his very limited super powers only function when he is within a mile or so of large quantities of corn. This not only limits him to the American Midwest, it means that for part of the year, he is pretty well powerless unless he’s near a silo or maybe the Corn Palace in Mitchell, South Dakota.

Even when he’s at full power, Corn Man can only do things like shoot dried corn kernels from his fingers, animate cornstalks and spit large globs of high fructose corn syrup. That last always ranks high on the list of Grossest Super Powers.

In addition to his limits in range and seasons, Corn Man is just plain goofy looking. His costume consists of a green and white spandex suit and a yellow mask/helmet that looks like an ear of corn. We won’t even get into describing the Cornmobile, which looks an awful lot like a heavily modified 1998 Honda Accord.

Despite his general of any real superhero mojo, Corn Man is very popular in the Midwest, especially at county and state fairs.

The Doclopedia #403

The Alphabet, Again: D is for…Dave Finlooper

I don’t know how it is on your world, but here on Earth 14, we love Dave Finlooper! I mean, come on, he’s the guy that invented the yPhone, wrote the “A Game of Barstools” series, taught an entire generation how to cook and enjoy duckburgers and founded the International Flooning League, to name but a few of his many accomplishments. My God, the man is nearly a saint!

He was born David Boris Finlooper to Andy and Iris Finlooper of Hackysack Falls, Minnesota on April 23rd, 1951. Dave was the fourth of 7 children and even as a small child, loved inventing and creating things. His first grade painting “A Dog In A Car”, recently sold for 6.5 million dollars at auction. His third grade English paper, “What I Did Over Christmas Break”, won a Pulitzer prize and has been made into a movie three times.

After graduating from college at age 12, Dave went into his home laboratory and did not come out for 3 weeks, at which point he had invented Glue On Hair, the supersonic bicycle and a cure for Itchy Butt Disease. Dave was on his way to billionaire status and multiple Nobel Prizes.

Wherever Dave goes, people cheer him and women offer him their bodies for his pleasure. He has not paid for a restaurant meal in 48 years and has not paid for a drink in 39 years. The United States government stopped taking his tax money in 1977. He gets free cable tv.

Yes indeed, Dave Finlooper is without a doubt the most famous and beloved man in the world.

.

After The Change Came: Series 2

Sin And The Blast From The Past

Several things to report, sweeties. Uncle Sin has been a busy lad.

1: Doc’s birthday party was a hell of a good time and the Pellucidar game afterwards was probably among the top 5 roleplaying experiences of our lives, which is really saying something. I’d also like to say that Doc’s cousin Wendy brews up the tastiest Dream Draught I’ve ever had. Most of the time, Dream Draught tastes like a glass of mildly lemony spit, but Wendy knocked out something with a definite pina colada vibe. Yum!

2: My new hairdo looks great and I was so hot looking in my Michu dress that after the party and game, two young women were moved to bed me with extreme prejudice, bless their hearts.

3: I’ve gotten a commission to do portraits of several Wizards. This means big money, which will more than compensate for spending the bulk of March in Wizard Time.

4: When I get back from Wizard Time, I’ll be moving to a real house! It’s a cute little treehouse in one of the giant oaks that grow near the Ring Road not too far from where Doc & Grace live. Babe and I are very excited about it.

5: That blast from the past in the title? That would be my childhood friend Luke, who is out here on some business. We’re going out tonight for steaks, beer and reminiscing.

And now, I must go. More blogging soon!

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