Adventure Module J-1: The Temple Of The Death Cow

… it features many bovine undead

The Doclopedia #481

Seven Questions About…: Pirates

Why should I become a pirate?

Yarr, matey, th’ pirate life is th’ life o’ freedom! Why would ye be wantin’ some clerky type o’ job, sittin’ in some buildin’ all day, when ye can have th’ freedom of a good ship sailin’ hither an’ yon, lookin’ fer treasure?

What is the pay like?

As fair a question as might be ask’d! Yer pay is reckon’d on a part of th’ take from any fat merchant vessels we capture. Th’ fatter the pig, the larger yer slice o’ the bacon!

What chances are their for advancement?

Why, lad, there be excellent chances fer advancin. Folks is always leavin’ an’ dyin’ and such. Yessir, a smart young feller might just work his way up t’ Cap’n after awhile.

What will my primary job duties be?

Well now, that depends on what yer good at, don’t it? You can figger on doin’ deckhand duties or maybe workin’ in th’ riggin’ fer starters. Of course, th’ cook might need help an’ there’s the gun deck too. Naturally, there be the boardin’ ships an’ lootin’ t’ be done.

What is life like onboard ship?

Oh, there be th’ workin’ an’ stuff, but ye’ll also have time fer drinkin’ an’ gamblin’ an’ sleepin’ an’ drinkin’.

Are women able to be pirates?

Well now, ma’am, there sure are a right net full o’ wimmin pirates, but I’m obliged to point ye towards Cap’n Anne over there fer any further questions.

Where might I expect to go while serving aboard a pirate ship?

Well now, young feller, ye might end up anywhere. The Carribean, the African coasts, Asia, all over th’ Pacific…why, ye could sure ’nuff see th’ world! Now, why don’t ye have a wee bit more rum an’ think about signin’ on?

The Doclopedia #482

Seven Questions About…: Humans

Are humans smarter than we are?

Humans smarter than cats? Hahahahaha!

How easy is it to train humans?

Despite the fact that humans are rather dim bulbs, they are surprisingly easy to train. You do need to remember that they need constant reinforcement, but if you keep it up, you can train humans to do quite a few things.

Why do humans eat vegetables so often?

While we all like the odd veggie from time to time, humans do seem to eat quite a lot of them. Some cat scientists think this may be because humans are somehow related to cows and goats, although a larger group thinks they are related to dogs, which would explain quite a bit about their odd behavior.

Why can’t humans understand our language?

Again, humans are not very bright. Additionally, they seem to rely mostly on sounds and some facial expressions. Scent, stance and tail position seem to play no part in how they communicate.

How the hell do they manage to walk on just two feet?

Honestly, nobody knows, but doesn’t it make you a bit nervous and queasy to watch? Like they will fall down any minute or something.

My human does not tend to me often enough. What should I do?

Most experts recommend shitting in their shoes, sleeping areas or food areas. Loud yowling and clawing up the furniture can also be effective.

What the hell is up with humans & dogs?

Ahh, the age old question. Beyond the fact that they have similar social structures, we can only assume that stupid attracts stupid. Isn’t it a good thing that cats rule the world?

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