Hare Club For Men

…my first month, I got an albino jackrabbit!

I was going to do a horror theme, but my brain would not cooperate. Instead, you get Women By The Numbers, a theme which requires me to tread very carefully.

The Doclopedia #526

Women By The Numbers: 1…

…was the number of superpowers that Natalie Mardou had when she was known throughout France as “The Green Girl”. You see, Natalie could make plants grow fast…really fast…and large…REALLY large. At first, as a young teenager, she just used her powers to get plants growing in polluted spots, over farmed land or abandoned urban areas. As she got older, she began to get more politically aware and her powers increased with every year. By the time she was twenty, Natalie could turn a handful of acorns into an oak forest in less than 5 minutes or cause a zucchini squash plant to burst a building in 3 minutes. She did that last one to the French Ministry of Agriculture building, which is what brought her to the public eye after years of forests and fields of flowers popping up overnight all over France and other European countries.

By the time she was 24, Natalie had the European Union firmly on a path to green energy, habitat restoration and environmental awareness. In return, she pretty much made Europe totally self sufficient as far as fruits, vegetables and wood products were concerned. And France’s wine industry? Way stronger than ever before.

After a surprisingly quick visit to Russia and the former Soviet Union, who were not dummies and also didn’t want their cities crushed by enormous pumpkins, The Green Girl headed to Africa, where she toppled dictators, ended starvation, restored habitats and turned desertification back about 3,000 years. She also pretty much straightened out all of those problems with women’s rights by having the worst male offenders squeezed into compost by vines.

When last interviewed, The Green Girl was trying to decide if she wanted to visit China and Asia next, or go to South America. In the meantime, she is carrying on very rewarding negotiations with Canada, Mexico and the United States, who also would rather not get crushed by giant pumpkins or killer vines.


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