Goldfish Are $1,500.00 An Ounce?

…I may have misheard that.

The Doclopedia #528

 Women By The Numbers: 33…

…is the number of pounds of C-4 that Mrs. Kathy Brinswell used to blow up her husband, his favorite bar, all of his buddies and a shitload of cars, pickups and motorcycles. The official death toll was 27 people and 3 dogs. Kathy felt terrible about the dogs.

The backstory here is that Kathy, age 38, was damned tired of her husband Doug spending all of his off work hours drinking with his old high school pals at “Buddie’s Road House” way out in the country on old Route 45. Eventually, she met up with one of her old high school friends, Mark Olden, who had just retired from the US Navy, where he had been a SEAL Team member. After a few months, they had fallen in love. It was then that Kathy came up with the idea to send Doug and his buddies to hell with just a bit of help from Mark, who had never much liked Doug and his redneck draft dodging buddies anyway.

On Friday night, November 10th, Doug and his buddies were partying hard when, at 10:15 pm, they and the bar were pretty much vaporized. About an hour later, Kathy and Mark turned themselves in to the police, confessing to everything. Their trial was no trial and they both got multiple life sentences. They both only spent 6 months in prison though, because Mark had a bunch of very dangerous friends, a bunch of money looted from terrorist training camps & drug cartel strongholds and some really valuable photographs and videotapes of heads of state, politicians, religious leaders, etc.

Once they were sprung from the joint, Kathy and Mark vanished and the combined forced of the police, FBI, CIA and NSA have not yet found them after 15 years, even though every year somebody pays to have flowers delivered to the spot where “Buddie’s Road House used to be, with a card reading “R.I.P. Dogs”.

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