The Rare And Beautiful Gossamer Bonobos Of Potawango Island

…they are beautiful, but fling poo.

The Doclopedia #531

Women By The Numbers: 300…

 …years old was the age of Preeda Ramajani when she came to the American city of Gothtropolis in search of “interesting blood”. She had heard all about the various so called “superheroes” and their villainous counterparts and she could hardly wait to sink her fangs into one…or more.

 Preeda had been turned by a dashing young Spaniard who was traveling through India back in 1700. Rodolfo had been so handsome and, to her 22 year old self, worldly, that she had snuck away from her 68 year old husband to be with him for a night of passion. Of course, by the time that night of passion was over, she had become a vampire. Worse yet, she was totally under Rodolfo’s control for the next 175 years.

 As always happens, her vampire lover turned Master gathered up other lovers over the decades, eventually leaving Preeda with much spare time on her hands. When Rodolfo left on a trip to England, Preeda and the rest of his lovers were left to their own devices in his castle in Spain. While most of the others lounged about all night, Preeda spent her time in Rodolfo’s private chamber reading his extensive diaries. One these lead her to a secret chamber in library that contained a book detailing all the secrets of vampirism, including the fact that once a Master died, his lovers/slaves would be free. It also told that after the first century of unlife, a vampire actually gained power each year until they could, if they truly desired, act independently of their Master’s will. Armed with such knowledge, she developed a plan.

 When the human slaves brought Rodolfo’s coffin into the castle a week later, he knew something was wrong as soon as the lid was opened. His lovers were all dead! No, wait, not all of them…Preeda and Nella were still alive. Rushing to their bed chambers, he found Nella alive, but horribly disfigured and unable to speak. She had been savaged by an older vampire, of that he was sure. Unable to heal her to her former beauty, he killed her.

 When he saw Preeda, she was badly slashed, but otherwise in good shape. She cried and told him how a French vampire had come to the castle as they were all leaving to feed and attacked them. He was incredibly strong, she told him, and had four of them in just a minute or so. Preeda had barely gotten inside the protection of the castle with Nella. She told Rodolfo that the Frenchman had yelled that he was not done with Rodolfo and his lovers, then flew off into the night.

 Rodolfo raged for most of the night, declaring that it must have been that bastard Luc and how he would enact a terrible revenge for such trespass. He healed Preeda and told the humans to prepare his passage into France tomorrow. Then, just before dawn, he climbed into his coffin to sleep.

 Having only a few minutes before she herself must sleep, Preeda ran down to the humans and killed them all. Then she ran back up to Rodolfo’s coffin and carefully placed a small box next to it. Across the room, she placed a larger box next to the south facing wall. Then, with only seconds to spare, she got into her own coffin and fell asleep.

 When she woke up just after sundown, Rodolfo was dead, his coffin blown to bits at exactly noon, the same time the larger clockwork timed bomb went off and blew a huge hole in the wall, allowing the noonday sun to hit her former Master full on. She would reward the clockmaker and the chemist for their work. After that, she would take a few days to plan her journey away from Spain.

 Back in the present day, Preeda spent several days trying to locate a suitable superhero or villain to feed upon. After a bit of research, she decided that the one known as ManTitan would do. He was very large, very strong, handsome and not incredibly bright, all things she liked in a man.

 Once she got the attention of ManTitan, it was nothing to lure him up to her penthouse suite. After only a few minutes in his arms, she bit him, drinking deeply. His blood was different…strange tasting and warmer than normal. It made her feel a bit dizzy. She stopped drinking and fell back into a chair. The room was spinning and she could not seem to move very quickly. In a few seconds, it all went dark.

 When Preeda awoke, she was in a sterile white room, restraints holding her in a hospital bed. Her attempts to break free were pitiful. She was very weak, very tired and for the first time in over a century, very afraid. 

Eventually, several doctors and masked heroes entered the room. ManTitan was one of them. The head doctor told her that ManTitan did not have human blood, since his mother was an alien. When Preeda had drunk it, the alien/human hybrid blood had reacted with the vampire virus inside her. Simply put, it had killed the virus and restored Preeda’s body to life. She was a 22 year old mortal again. The restraints, they said, had been for her own safety while her body went through the change. She could leave the hospital in a couple of days, as soon as she was strong enough.

 Preeda’s adjustment to life as a mortal in the year 2000 did not go smoothly, but after some months she began to get used to it. She is now enrolled in college where she is pursuing a degree in history, a subject she excels at.

The Doclopedia #531

 Women By The Numbers: 524…

 …dollars in cash is what Miss Frieda Henderson won in the “Grow The Largest Chicken” contest put on by the Waldo County Home Farmer’s association. Starting with a three day old chick, she raised up her rooster, Albert, until he was a full sized 14 pound adult. But that wasn’t big enough, because Ida Olson had a rooster who weighed 15 pounds.

 Determined to win, Frieda paid some local boys to sneak over into the fields of corn and soybeans that the Monstronto Company used for experiments and steal her some of those seeds. She figured the new fangled seeds would have more vitamins & stuff. At about the same time she started feeding Albert the genetically altered seeds, her water turned out to be mildly radioactive, probably from that old military base outside of town. Of course, Frieda didn’t know about that, all she knew was that Albert grew to 21 pounds by the time of the judging and he won that cash prize easy as pie.

 Of course, Albert soon began to grow even larger. When he was a year old, he stood 12 feet tall and weighed 500 pounds. At that point, he started raising hell all over town, so Frieda had Morris Gaines shoot him. Once he was dressed out and cooked, old Albert fed nearly 300 people in the biggest chicken dinner the town had ever had.


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