The Funky Chickens Go To Hollywood

…where the refused roles in “Battleship”

 

The Doclopedia #545

The Colors: Purple

The Purple Woman is one of the most intriguing things in all of paranormal research. The way she can fade into and out of view suggests that she might be a ghost, but her very definitely human physiology suggests that she might be some form of mutant human. Of course, the UFOlogists are convinced she is an alien or, perhaps, some secret project using captured alien technology.

Regardless of what she is, this nude, 6 foot tall female appears 3-5 times a year in various locations around the world, usually in areas of low population density. She can appear during the day or night and she never speaks. She has aided people in trouble and chased people away from certain areas, but most often she just wanders around. All attempts to communicate, capture or even touch her have failed so far.

The Doclopedia #546

The Colors: Orange

I’ll tell ya what I know of the Orange Dragon, lads, and I hope it helps you when ya go huntin’ it. First off, it’s big, but nowhere near as big as one of yer Red or Black Dragons. I’d reckon it measures 60-70 feet long. It’s not a flyer, but it can run faster than the best horse and turn on a dime. And leap? Hellfire can it leap! 100 feet easy! So as you can imagine, it ain’t just gonna stand there and fight you.

 Now, yer Orange Dragon doesn’t breath fire or spit acid, but it can breath out a cold fog that’ll chill ya to the bone in under a minute, so beware of that. Of course, if it bites ya…even a little nip…you’ll be in agony for hours, if it doesn’t just kill ya.

Best way to fight it? Arrows and magic, sure enough, but ya need some sword swingin’ up close fighters to keep it distracted at first. Have yer archers aim for the hindquarters and front shoulders, so as to stop that leapin’ and slow it down. Mages ought to hit it with confusion spells and maybe a few lightning bolts.

Well, fellers, I hope that helps ye. Good luck and if ya don’t die, come ’round and tell me how things went.”

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