Bean Planting For The Total Idiot

…First Step: find a bean.


The Doclopedia #561

How To Murder…: A Wizard

The main problem with trying to do a hit on a Wizard is that they have about a hundred ways to set up a warning system. Magical wards that make noise as you pass them, enchanted barriers that can detect homicidal intent, familiars that look pretty much like ordinary animals, spirit security guards, friggin’ demon hounds as watchdogs…yeah, just getting close enough to a Wizard to kill him or her is one of the diciest parts of the deal.

Now, some of you might think “OK, so just hit them with some sort of long range attack”. Well, you’d better have an attack that moves really fast and hits really hard and can get through at least two layers of magical protection, or the last thing you’ll ever see is a fireball or a deadly swarm of hellsquitos or a bolt of pure energy. Wizards don’t like being attacked.

Poison him? Are you kidding? Wizards don’t even swallow their own spit without a Purification spell. Same goes for sex, as and high class courtesan can tell you.

So how do you kill a wizard? The surest way anybody has found is by stealing all of his mana energy right before a deadly attack by somebody or something too powerful for just his wands or rings to deal with. Demons and dragons are good for that, but so is a horde of bloodlusting goblins or a bunch of zombies. Then, if the attacker doesn’t look like it’s going to kill him, you can put an arrow through his head. I prefer a nice cold iron arrowhead for taking down a Wizard. And be damned sure you kill him before he can get off a death curse, or you’ll get turned into a maggot or break out in exploding boils or something even worse!

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