No Lungfish Allowed!

…regular type fish only!

 

The Doclopedia #615

Wait…What?: Dixie The Dog

Dixie is the pet of the Selwin family of Hobart, Tasmania. She is a medium sized dog of indeterminate breed, with long brown fur and a big waggy tail. The Selwins adopted her when she just showed up on their doorstep on day five years ago. She is a very friendly dog and loves the four Selwin kids and their other dog, Max, a yellow lab. Dixie and Max spend most of the day playing in the yard just waiting for the kids to get home from school. At night, they sleep on their dog beds in the living room.

Dixie is a very good hunting dog, mostly because once she gets out of human sight, she can resume her natural form as a Tasmanian Tiger. Max, also a good hunting dog, does not seem to mind this.

It Was Wrong To Trust The Skinny Redhead

…but you can always trust a chubby redhead

The Doclopedia #612

Wait…What?: Little Annie Oliver

Little Annie Oliver was an American child movie star of the 1930’s. She began her acting career in 1931 at the age of 3 in the short film “Talented Tots” and within a year began starring in the “Sweetie Pie” series of films. In these films, she played Sweetie Pie, a cute and talented little girls who always helped solve the big problems with singing, dancing and love. Some of the films in the series are “Sweetie Pie On The Farm”, Sweetie Pie In The Army”, “Princess Sweetie Pie” and “Detective Sweetie Pie”. At the age of 7, she won a special Academy Award. She was hailed the world over as “America’s Little Cutie”. Then, at the age of 12, the alien spider eggs that had been laid in her brain years before hatched and the world was plunged into a living hell.

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The Doclopedia #613

Wait…What?: Akbar al Batar

Akbar is a poor 26 year old cab driver in Cairo. He works for his uncle, a man who has never parted with a coin he did not have to. Akbar dreams of someday leaving Egypt for the United States, where his cousin owns a thriving automobile repair shop in Jersey City. Akbar’s wife, Jina, works part time as a hairdresser. The couple has no children due to their love of eating them. They do have 2 cats. On their one day off each week, they enjoy watching American movies, shopping in the market and visiting local playgrounds.

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The Doclopedia #614

Wait…What?: Yirox The Incredible

If there is a more versatile Wizard than Yirox in the Known Lands, we have never heard of them. This young (a mere 200 years old!) wizard, has learned more types of magic than many Wizards twice her age. She attributes this to her amazing natural memory and at least 12 hours of intense studying on most days. This has given her knowledge of such spells as “Petrify Dragon”, “Open Demonic Portal”, “Cause Genital Explosion”, “Mindblank” and “Rain of Deadly Flowers”. Yirox is in great demand with adventuring teams who want to go into the deadliest dungeons. She is a 5’4” tall human with black hair, green eyes and dark skin. She lives in the Red Castle.

Apes In Toyland

…did I mishear that?

 

CatCon4: Day 11 (Con Day 4) Last day of the con…mucho merch is bought… games are played…seminars are attended…pie is eaten…we head home via the old spacey wacey/timey wimey

This being the last day of the con, our merry band of travelers hit the Dealer’s Room early and hard. There are a whole bunch of sellers who are going to sleep well tonight after counting the $$$ we spent.

At 10 AM, it was time for Spike and I to hit the “What We Hate!” seminar, which was packed and lots of fun. It lasted until 12, at which point we had an hour for lunch and then went on to the last seminar of the day “What We Did At CatCon 4”. As you might imagine, this was a best/most funny/most awesome/strangest con memories thing and it was often screamingly funny.

Once that was over, at 2 PM, Grace (who had been doing even more shopping) joined Sharon, Avis and I for the Charity Pet Walk (or, in Winker’s case, the “get towed by Dad in a wagon”). People once again ponied up big bucks for local animal charities.

At 3 PM, it was one last sweep of the Dealer’s Room. At 4:00, the dealer’s room closed and we all went back to the hotel for packing up.

At 4:30, we all went to Pizza My Heart for some chow, but left plenty of room for the deliciosity that is the “Post Con Cool Down Party” where pie is the star attraction.

When 6 PM rolled around, we went to the party and just ate the hell outta pie. There was much chatting and goodbye saying and at 7:00, we headed out, got on the Magic Bus and bid adieu to Critter City and CatCon 4.

About an hour after we left, and fortunately after she had told us all goodbye, our duplicate Avis popped out of existence. Two minutes later, my cell phone rang and it was the original Avis calling from GenCon to say what fun she had at both cons. I’m not quite sure how she keeps so many memories of the same days straight.

Fifteen minutes later, Joe flipped switches and turned dials and we popped up in the middle of London, circa 1972. We had not been moving, so when we popped out of nowhere, it was a real crowd stopper. Joe said we had to wait 5 minutes before we could hop again, so I gave in to a mad urge. After running to one of the closets, I hurriedly threw on a rather gaudy outfit, complete with a top hat and cane. Then I left the bus, where a couple of hundred people stood looking at it in slackjawed wonder and traffic was backing up badly.

I walked up to a largish group and said “Hello, I’m the Doctor. Can any of you tell me how to get to California in 2011?” Jaws REALLY dropped then, plus three people fainted and one guy dropped his bag of groceries.

I then got on the bus and, while the Doctor Who theme played through the external speakers, we hopped. Joe informs me that we most likely created the trigger event for spinning off an alternate reality. Cool!

We popped into Toronto, at which point we then drove the Mystery family home. Next stop was Dundalk, Maryland, where the Joneses said goodbye. From there, it was home, sweet home, California.

That was an hour ago. Grace is snoozing, Sharon is gone, Zach is driving home, The Girls are asleep, Flash is in his imaginary cat tree, Abby is in her fictional pygmy goat house and I am drinking a glass of iced tea.

Next year, as always, we hope to get to GenCon. If we don’t, there will still be DogCon 5.

Of course, even if we do make it to GenCon, there’s still that “tempro-spatially replicated” thing that duplicated Avis. It’s a big bathroom…big enough to hold several people, plus critters.

Hmmmm…

Winker: Oh, Daddy, you’ll never learn, will you?

CatCon 4 is over, but the Cross Family and Friends will return in…

DogCon 5

 

The Rare And Beautiful And Highly Carnivorous Giant Pink Gophers Of Potawango Island

…they’re like huge pink underground sharks!

 

The Doclopedia #610

Classified Ads From Around The Multiverse: Wanted

Power Armor: I am a girl looking for Diana class power armor. I do not care if it is made by the Ryoshi Company or Mitsuhara Industries. There are aliens and robots to fight, so help me out! Contact Mishu at: warriorgirl/neotokyo.com

Sword Of Robot Dinosaur Slaying: I really need one of these ASAP. Can pay up to $5,000.00 and if it does added damage versus a Red Rex, I’ll toss in two horses and a virgin. Send message via Pixie Express to: Waltar Cybereye in New Billings, Montana Sector.

Acme Rocket Skates: In good working order, size 12 EE. Could also use an Acme High Volume Glue Gun. Contact: W. Coyote, second cave on the left, Southwest Desert, USA.

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 The Doclopedia #611

 Classified Ads From Around The Multiverse: Announcements

Be it known that I, The Atomic Clown, will start terrorizing Los Angeles on or about July 6th, 1997 at around 11 am. When you see me and my gang, run and hide, kiddies, or risk getting a face full of Clown Gas.

Cap’n MacDougal, aka Black Mac, is a scurvy goat buggering son of a trollop and his crew is a bilge load of sissyboys who couldn’t take a merchant ship if it were run aground and guarded only by French cheesemakers. So says I, Cap’n James Slaughter aka The Shark.

Looking for information leading to the arrest of the clever criminals who stole my robot. They are undoubtedly skilled pros, since there was no evidence that they were even in my lab when my loyal robot, Isaac, went missing. Big reward upon their arrest! Professor Ellison, 1290 Lucas Road.

Caution: Contents May Include Strangeness

…heh heh…”may”…heh heh

 

CatCon4: Day 10 (Con Day 3) An even quicker recap

Grace: Spent very nearly the entire day in several board game tournaments, two of which she won (Bean Trader and a giant sized live action version of Kill Doctor Lucky)

The Critters: Played in two LARPS (as a team) and went to an Old West pet park.

Flash: You can call me The California Flash now, pardner.

Winker: And I’m Kid Winky, fastest woof in the West!

Lucy: You outlaws better vamoose, because Judge Lucy is in a hangin’ mood.

Abby: And Marshall Abigail will hunt ya down!

Doc: Once again tried to kill himself with the following schedule…

9-10 AM: Seminar titled “How to Be Funny”

10-11 AM: Seminar titled “How To Write Stuff”

11-11:30 AM: Ate world class chili dogs for lunch

11:30 AM-12 PM: Got ready for the annual “Old Time Radio” broadcast…but this year, the whole damned show was improv, including the music by a local swing band.

12-2 PM: Did the above mentioned show with a cast of 16, a live audience of 300 and live streaming to the whole fuckin’ world via the internet. We managed to squeeze out a detective drama, a variety show, a newscast and a comedy show reminiscent of the Jack Benny Program. All more than slightly skewed from the normal due to the improve aspect. Doc Mystery and I each played at least 7 roles. Mary played 8 or 9.

2-3 PM: Caught my breath, used the bathroom, drank iced tea

3-5 PM: played in “The World’s Biggest Superhero Steel Cage Match” where 48 players had their characters slugging it out with, basically, anybody in the cage that came near them. My character, a kind of Metamorpho knockoff) lasted 1 hour, 22 minutes before a teenage girl had her character use molecular manipulation to turn Morpho into glass, at which point a Hulk like fellow shattered him.

5-6 PM: Seminar titled “Everything I’ve Learned, I Learned from Bad Movies”

6-8 PM: Smooched wife, loved pets, showered, dinner at a great Indian place

8 PM until-3AM: Played in a Savage Worlds game, “Attack Of The Zombie Ninjas”, which was actually a lot more serious that the title implies. Avis played in this one with me and her crack shot, hard drinking, two fisted adventuress saved the bacon of my absent minded and somewhat mad biology professor (as well as most of the rest of our group.

More bloggage after a few hours of sleep.

 

Lucy In The Sky With Dogtoys

…she likes the Squeaky Snake

 

CatCon4: Day 9 (Con Day 2) Again, a quick rundown, but with added critter comments

Grace: Took a tour (with Mary and Miranda) of a local herb garden…bought several books at a local used book store…went with no less than 15 other gamers folks and several pets to the mud baths and spa, where we all first lounged about in warm mineral mud, then got cleaned and massaged to within an inch of our lives (lunch was also included)…went to watch our now wonderfully clean canine children participate in an all dog LARP…took a nap…entered Abby and Flash in the Pet Costume Contest as Donkey and Puss in Boots from Shrek (they took third place)…played in the Killer Bunnies tournament…ate dinner…went to the Couples Only Dungeon LARP with Your Humble Narrator.

The Critters: Spent the morning at the Pet Jungle, which is a really cool jungle themed park…

Flash: They have fake alligators in a pond! I nearly pissed myself when one swam toward where I was standing!

Abby: They had a fun “Jungle Pyramid” that I climbed with a bunch of other goats and several cats & dogs.

Lucy: I ran all over the jungle with a bunch of other dogs chasing a mechanical monkey.

Winker: I played with two little girls and their dog. He was a Cocker Spaniel named Boo.

…went to the spa with us…

All Critters: We love the spa! They cleaned us and combed us and massaged us and gave us lots of treats!

…played in LARPs…

Winker & Lucy: We were the McWoof Sisters in the dog LARP “The Haunted Doghouse”

…wore costumes…

Flash: I made a pretty dashing Puss in Boots, if I do say so.

Abby: I looked good as Donkey, but the contest winner was a pig named Louie dressed up as Iron Ham.

…had long naps in our suite…ate a great dinner and watched movies with Arcadia (Sharon was playing in a game of some sort)

Doc: Toured the Dealer’s room…took part (with Spike) in the annual “Ask A GM Anything!” Q&A. This year, one of the questions was “Can you do a few lines from one of your favorite movies?”, so I did a few from the original “King Kong”…did the spa party thing…watched about half of The Girls doggie LARP…ran an OTE game titled “The Revenge Of The Dead”…sat in on a seminar whose panel included Spike and Christina Stiles. Subject was freelancing…ran yet another Toon game, “The House That Jerks Built”…played a card game about war in the barnyard…ate Mexican food for dinner…went with my spouse, Mr. & Mrs. Jones, Doc & Mrs. Mystery and my nephew Zach & Avis Crane to the Couples Only LARP. Obviously, it is not just for married folk, or even folks in a relationship. You just had to be two people that were a team. It was a Murder Mystery with Fantasy and Steampunk elements (and drinks & eats). The object was not just to solve the murder and expose the killer, but keep from getting killed AND expose the vile bastards behind it all. Both Spike and I got killed, while Mary nearly drank poison. Players were dropping like flies for a while, but we all got to come back as zombies (some good, some evil). It was big fun and ran from 9 PM until 2 in the morning.

After that, we were very glad to see our beds, you betcha.

 

The Sasha Jane Adventures

… which mostly involve walking and trying to eat stuff she shouldn’t.

The Doclopedia #607

Classified Ads From Around The Multiverse: Personal

Single Male: Superhero 39 y.o., 6’6”, 235 lbs, in great physical shape and financially independent. Want to meet woman 30-40 y.o. who loves adventure, justice and tight body armor. Cat lovers need not apply, but bat lovers are preferred. Email dknight@batnet.org

Are You An Explorer?: Scientist, age 53, seeks stouthearted fellows who want to explore those parts of the world not fully mapped out as of yet. Travel on my newly finished Sea/Land Shipmobile, which is fully stocked for all manner of scientific research as well as being a comfortable living space. Fully crewed, I need only a scientific team to start exploring. There is also an opening for a reporter, who will have full access to the latest in wireless communication. Apply at: 2109 Wickingham Road between the hours of 8 am and 6 pm.

Interested In Gleebing: I am a hurk of the third zuzzing who has developed an interest in gleebing. I seek an older (fourth or fifth zuzzing) yook who knows how it is done and can insure safety. I own some gleebing equipment, including a relrek and a blurn. If you are interested, contact me at 206-572-111-995-008

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The Doclopedia #608

Classified Ads From Around The Multiverse: Vehicles

1903 Breschotti Racer: Came in 5th in the 19 04 San Francisco to Miami Great Race. In excellent shape with new tires, new upholstery and a new automated coal dust injector. 80 miles per hour top speed on paved road. Asking $2,500.00 or will trade for two seated light airship. For more information, call: ARGyle-465

Short Range Shuttlecraft: Excellent shape, but has seating for only 3. Extra seating space was converted to cargo space, but can easily be refitted. AI has the rare “Zetan Female” personality unit. Asking 245,000 UC, but would also trade straight across for a type IV fighting mecha in good shape. Contact me at XIW/808-21219944

Riding Cats: I have several young riding cats in sized suitable for rats, squirrels and Folk of that size. Most are very gentle, and so good for children and the ladies, but a few are spirited toms that would be great for you fellas that like a challenge. Assorted colors. Prices negotiable. Contact Squire Owensby at Owensby Hall.

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The Doclopedia #609

Classified Ads From Around The Multiverse: Homes For Sale

Fixer Upper Castle: Have you dreamed of owning your own castle? Well, this large (24 rooms, two towers) fixer upper (some slight troll & griffon damage) has a great view of Lake Peril and the Ripclaw Mountains. Includes several hundred acres of the Haunted Woods. Seller is motivated, so get in on this now! Stop by Arklemar Realty in Five Roads village.

Cave: Logak have cave him not use. Him move to bigger cave with Goola. Logak sell cave for 2 stone knife down, 4 rabbit skin per month for 3 years. You come see Logak.

Home On An Island: Nice 4 bedroom, 2 ½ bath home on 25 acre island in Lake Kansas. Large established garden plots & livestock areas. Barn, outbuildings and House Elf residence included. Only 5 miles from Baum City and your nearest neighbor is Wizard Happy Slappy. Asking 50,000 credits. Vmail us at: willowislandfarm.kis.400