Sparky McDoogle Was A Nervous Little Guy

…especially around big dogs and blond women

 

The Doclopedia #576

Average Janes: Jane Batters, Cookie Baker

Oh sure, everybody likes cookies! We’ve been in business here for five years now and things are going real well, you betcha. At first, it was just me and Connie there, making six kinds of cookies. Now we have a full time staff of six and we bake a dozen kinds of cookies every day, plus another ten kinds that get rotated around on different days. Today, the Specials are Oatmeal Tuna, which the Cat People just love, and Alfalfa Snaps. Those are a big seller to everyone from the Rodent People to the Horse People.”

Oh yeah, I suppose that when that mutagenic stuff went out into the atmosphere, it caused a bunch of trouble, like my Uncle Sven turning into a Pig Man, but to tell ya the truth, it wasn’t all that big a change for him. I mean, Aunt Harriet left him, but we all figured that was coming anyway. But ya know, people still love cookies and now we’re selling a whole heck of a lot more of them than we ever sold to just plain old humans. Oh look, here comes Mr. Henderson for his weekly two dozen Alfalfa Snaps and I do believe he’s gotten another tattoo on his trunk.”

The Doclopedia #577

Average Janes: Jane Helper, Nurse

Me? I’ve been an RN for 32 years now, 24 of then right here at City General. I’ve been the Head Nurse here in the ER for 6 years now. Yeah, I’ve pretty much seen it all, if you include 4 teenaged kids and two ex-husbands”

Typical day? There are no typical days here. See that young man over there? He decided to tell his girlfriend, who just happens to be a Licensed Mage, that he had sex with her sister. We’re treating him for 2nd degree burns to his crotch. He’s going to need magical healing, once we get that MageFire put out. That older woman in the back? She broke her ankle kicking a Gutter Goblin across 43rd street. It’s only now that the pain pills have kicked in that she’s stopped cussing out goblins. And then we have Seamus over there, who is as nice an Elf as you’d care to meet until he gets drunk and starts a bar fight. He’s in here tonight for his fourth or fifth broken nose.”

Oh, the worst night of the year is any time New Years or Halloween falls on a full moon night. We’ll see well over 200 emergency patients and most of them are in a pretty bad way. Plenty of werewolf attacks, spell misfires, drunken accidents and the gang related injuries from altercations between the Dwarven Lords and the Orc Boyz. Of course, on those rare nights we get double pay, plus the next three days off, so I don’t complain too much.”

 

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