It’s All Fun & Games Until Somebody Snorts Baking Powder

…actually, things got even funnier once that happened


The Doclopedia #580

Average Janes: Jane McCoy, Pharmacist

Sorry that took so long, but getting the right formulations for Pyrokinetic Fever are tricky and that was for a family of five ranging in age from 46 to 9. I hope they’re staying at the PF shelter. Everything there is concrete or metal, so as to be fireproof.”

I’ve been a pharmacist for twenty years now. Back when I started, we bitched a lot about how many new “ailments” and “syndromes” were being “helped” by Big Pharma, but now, with…what, 40? 50? new diseases and disorders out there, we know we had it good back then. The stress level can get high, too, because many of these new disorders unlock psi powers and they can be dangerous to people around the patient.”

Yeah, like PF or Random Teleportation Disorder or Memory Swap Flu. My husband had that last one two years ago and he swapped memories with my 17 year old daughter. I’ll tell you, that made for some family tenseness until they swapped back. Still, it could have been much worse. One of our neighbors contracted Cloning Cancer and before he finally passed away, he budded off 9 of those horrid little zombie clones. His poor wife will be in therapy for years.”

Do I blame GenetoPharm for all this? I suppose they should get most of the blame, but really, all of the big companies were in a race to use those lab created DNA strands. Somebody would have created the OmniVax sooner or later. Of course, now that all of the pharmaceutical companies worldwide have been nationalized, the emphasis isn’t on dreaming up new drugs for “Sweaty Brow Syndrome” or “Occasional Anxiety Distress”, is it?”

The Doclopedia #581

 Average Janes: Jane Wittingly, Seamstress

 “Now then, sir, if you’ll just try this on. Oh yes, very dashing, if I do say so. Still needs a bit more work on the waist and the pockets you asked for won’t go on until after it’s fitted up properly, but nearly done. Let’s say two more days, shall we? I’ll get right on it after tea.”

Oh, yes, sir, completely acid resistant and fireproof, just as you asked. Could you just turn a bit to your left, sir? There we go! Might I ask, Professor, if you’ve lost weight since returning from the Moon? I thought so, due to my needing to take in this weight so much. Well, you do look the better for it. I’m sure it won’t hurt to be a bit lighter afoot when you’re in that new machine of yours, that “Steel Mole” affair. Honestly, sir, I can’t imagine climbing into such a thing and drilling down into the Interior World, even if that American fellow did it last year. Of course, I’ve always been a bit claustrophobic.”

Professor MacDonald? Oh, yes, he was in just last week. Has us busy fitting out his crew for that new submersible boat of his. Wants waterproof clothing that keeps a crease and still looks Navy sharp when soaking wet. Not the easiest of jobs, if I do say, but as long as the Ministry of Defense is paying his bills, we’ll get the job done.”

There we go, all ready to be finished up. We’ll have it ready for you by noon Wednesday, Professor, and you’ll be looking every inch the heroic explorer when you start your tunneling on Saturday.”