Doc Tempest And The Castle Of Dr. Loveless

…from the  March, 1913 issue

 

CatCon 4: Day 4 We perform musically for Yazoo City, Mississippi, then make a quick escape…Clowns are viewed…We enter New Orleans

If you are going to do “The Time Warp” in full costume with pre-recorded musical backup, where and when better to do it than in Yazoo City, Mississippi on a Sunday morning in an intersection where there is a church on every corner just letting out after services?

Abby: Dad’s logic makes a pretzel look like Interstate 5 cutting straight down California.

Flash: Dad? Logic? Hahahahahahaha!

In fact, it was two flavors of Baptist, one Methodist and a Catholic church. There were a couple of other churches within earshot. There were pickups with gun racks everywhere. We had a big old hippie bus disgorging a bunch of made up people and animals. Our Destination Sign read “Transexual, Transylvania”. Loud rock & roll music was playing out of 10 speakers. What could possibly go wrong?

Lucy: Let me count the ways…

Abby: Actually, almost every human on the bus except Dad & Mary counted the ways. I think they got up in the high three digits.

Actually, for most of the song, not a whole lot went wrong. I was singing the Riff Raff part, Mary was Magenta and her daughter Miranda did the Columbia part (with tap dancing!). Everybody else was a Transylvanian. There was plenty of pelvic thrusting, which seemed to render the good churchgoers of Yazoo City speechless. It went well until the end, when silence fell, the audience began an ominous murmuring and we heard police sirens getting closer and louder.

Flash: Fortunately, cops seldom arrest cute kitties.

Abby: Yeah, with a rap sheet like yours, they’d just shoot you.

Flash: D’OH!

At that point it was time to quickly get back on the bus and out of town with just a short dimensional hop via someplace that was on top of a high desert mesa and had three moons. We popped back into our dimension 15 miles outside of town and only 2 minutes ahead of when we hopped. I commend Joe on his skill with the quantum whatevers.

Winker: That was fun! I’m sure that Mom is wrong and we will someday be able to visit Mississippi again. They wouldn’t really lynch Dad.

About two hours later, in the small town of Wesson, we saw a sign reading “Clownland! Only 3 Miles ahead! Bring the kids!”. Since we were all still hyped up and full of adrenaline from our little musical production, we decided to give it a look.

Lucy: Clowns! Why’d it have to be clowns?

What you find in Clownland are clowns in a clowny looking village. Scarecrowy clowns,

Lucy: Because, you know, regular clowns aren’t fucking creepy enough!

big fiberglass clowns, carved wooden clowns, garden gnome sized clowns and about 50 real live clowns.

Abby: The real live clowns are the creepiest.

Flash: Yeah, and they don’t smell all that great, either.

Winker: No kidding! They smelled like booze and pee and sweat. Ewww!

Lucy: Have I mentioned how fucking creepy clowns are?

The deal is, the founder of this little village, Hobart Franks, was a retired circus clown who had inherited the land. He started inviting other old clowns to move there and they started building the clown town. Soon, younger clowns began coming here for vacations or during the off season (who knew clowns had an off season?). By 1987, Clownland covered 45 acres of land and, if our Sunday visit is any indication, gets a fair stream of visitors.

The entrance fee is $4.00 and to tell the truth, the whole affair has a pretty high creep factor

Lucy: PRETTY high? Off the scale is more like it!

due to A: Clowns are creepy anyway and B: Old (and by the smell, alcoholic) clowns are even creepier. We stayed about 30 minutes. They had t-shirts, postcards & fridge magnets, so…well, you know. Also, it appears that Lucy, a nervous dog at the best of times, finds clown particularly scarey.

Lucy: I need a drink and a long nap. My nerves are shot.

At 4:00 PM we rolled into New Orleans and began trying to eat the town clean of food while also seeing as much as we could, all to a soundtrack of jazz music.

Winker: Love that ‘Nawlins jazz!

Tomorrow, we begin the long haul to the con, with at least 4 roadside stops along the way. More bloggage later.

Music: N’awlins Jazz!

Destination Sign: Barad Dur

 

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