This Week’s Episode: Mack & Dub Buy A Turkey

…and try to sneak it upstairs


The Doclopedia #633

Stairway To…: Mars

From the notebook of Zimwalt the Astounding:

Well, that was certainly interesting. I have only within the hour returned from my latest failed attempt at creating a stairway to heaven, having this time incorporated an aspect to the spell wherein everything that glittered in the spell radius was made of gold and we had a Lady (my grand niece, Lady Mala O’Varr) present who knew this.

The stairway was quite odd this time, being as it was made of red sand and had a great many very low steps which ended at a door made of glass. As with my previous attempts at this spell, I could see nothing beyond the doorway until I stepped through it.

I emerged onto a desert of red orange sand, a large city in the distance. A quick Teleport spell brought me within the city, where I engaged the red skinned humanoids in conversation about where I was. Thank goodness for my Ring of Universal Translation.

Partway through my first conversation with a rather lovely and quite nude (in point of fact, nearly everyone was either nude or nearly so) young lady, a man of much paler skin walked up and introduced himself as John something or other (I am terrible with names) and went on to say that he was a warlord of some type. He told me how this was a planet called Mars, but that he was from a planet called Earth. I told him that my world was also called Earth, but was almost certainly not the same planet. He invited me to his home to talk and I accepted his offer.

After a pleasant couple of hours, during which I met his stunningly beautiful wife, he told me of Mars and I told him of my world. It came up during the conversation that he was not from the Earth of this time, but from the future, when Mars was a dead world. This saddened both of us, since the Martians seemed like such a fine folk. I asked him if there was perhaps a way I could help them out via my magic. He thought about it and said that there were several ways I might help.

And so I spent the next few hours aiding the Martian people. Right off, I repaired the great atmospheric

regeneration plants so that they would not only be much more efficient, but would be self repairing. I also used some simple transmutational spells to free great quantities of oxygen and nitrogen from the soils, as well as changing much of an enormous and, in my opinion, quite unnecessary, volcano into pure water. This alone was enough to create a fairly large ocean.

I also did a bit of manipulating to some of the sparse Martian flora so as to make them hardier and more abundant, thus ensuring a much greener Mars. Likewise, I started certain changes in many of the Martian animals which would lead to more diversity of species.

Finally, and with my powers growing weak from so much usage, I created a portal from Mars to Earth, so that John might go there and bring back such plants and animals as he might see fit. True, it was his Earth a hundred thousand years before his time, but we both figured he could find much of use there. The portal would stay open for three days and he assured me that he would be going through it within minutes.

And then I was brought back here, to my home on my Earth, to once again attempt to build a stairway to Heaven. After I dump the Martian sand from my shoes, of course.


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