…who knew that a blender could explode?
The Doclopedia #660
Dangerous Animals!: Puppies!
From the Republican Party pamphlet “The Puppy Menace”, 1953
“It is exactly this cute, helpless look that allows the Puppy to infiltrate our government, our military, our businesses and even our homes. Americans are kindhearted people and Puppies use this against us. Remember that Puppies and puppies (aka baby dogs) may look alike, but that is where the similarity ends. A puppy can grow up to be a loyal friend to your family, but a Puppy seeks only to use his mind control powers to destroy America and enslave mankind forever!”
“We have conclusive proof that many of our allies in Europe are already secretly enslaved by Puppies. Rumors also persist that Russia and Red China are also quietly fighting against takeover. News out of Africa is sketchy, but we can assume that Puppies are at work their, too. Mexico, Central and South America seem alright, but the rate of dog ownership has increased 150% in the last four years. Coincidence? We think not.”
“Our neighbor to the north, Canada, has publicly stated that the Puppy Menace is “madness” and “paranoia of the worst kind”. Is any more proof needed that the Puppies are already in control up there? If so, we offer this: two months ago, a major hockey game was not televised by the CBC. Instead, they covered a dog show!”
“How do you tell if the sweet little dog you see is a Puppy? In most cases, you can’t! Your friends in the Republican Party advise adopting or purchasing only adult dogs from well known establishments.”
“Finally, some people have expressed concerns about cats. While we have no proof that cats are working with Puppies, there have been rumors of feline association with Puppies. Stay alert, America!”