Not In This Issue: The Color Green, Shotguns and Protoceratops

...but we do have purple, derringers and a very nice hadrosaur The Doclopedia #752  Alt. Most Wanted: Doctor Dumoire The vile miscreant known as Doctor Dumoire is wanted for crimes against humanity, unsanctioned experimentation on human beings, transplantation of human intellect into machines, criminal robotics, murder, robbery, theft, treason, inciting riots, arson, forgery, escape from …

I Was An Undercover Gardener For The FBI

...i helped capture many Communist shrubs and flowers   The Doclopedia #749 Alt. Most Wanted: Kookie Calabrese Calling all cars! Calling all cars! Subject Kookie Calabrese has been spotted in the financial district. Subject is in the process of painting all of the banks pink while his gang loots them. Be on the lookout for …

Doc Tempest And The Monster Dog

...from the February, 1962 issue The Doclopedia #747 Alt. Most Wanted: Greydon “Mugs” Malone Malone is wanted for armed robbery, burglary, assault, assault with a deadly weapon, attempted murder, murder, trafficking in drugs & stolen goods and smuggling. He is armed and very dangerous. Malone is 6'2” tall, weighs 230 pounds, has short brown hair, …

Blue Beanies For Blue Meanies

...because we ran out of red beanies   The Doclopedia #746 Fiction Snippets: Holmes Is Where The Heart Is My second thought, as I stood there looking at the nervous little guy, was one of great sympathy. The whole pre-pubescent young love thing was one on those terrifying first stumbles towards adulthood that was terrifying …

George, The Meanest Turkey On Earth

...he once trapped a family of six in a Volkswagen Beetle. True story.   The Doclopedia #745 Fiction Snippets: Dungeon Diary #2 Amella had no sooner picked the lock than the door burst open and out poured a half dozen of the same Mother forsaken flesh golems that we had battled in the Basket Room. …

For Sale: Brand New “For Sale” Sign

...and it's on sale!   The next few Doclopedia entries are short snippets from fiction pieces I have in the works. Some are short stories and others are much longer. A couple will be recognizable to long time readers of this blog. Enjoy, and please do comment.   The Doclopedia #744 Fiction Snippets: The Hot …

Hypnotic Arugula Seduced My Patty Pan Squash

...now I've got a garden full of little patty pan arugulas.   The Doclopedia #742 Cool Hats: The Stetson of Spells If you are a modern mage, you know that it's damned hard to hold more that half a dozen spells at a time in your mind. This can be seriously bad if you find …

It’s All Fun & Games Until You Have To Wash The Hippo

...because that takes a bunch of shampoo and a lot of time.   The Doclopedia #740 Cool Hats: The Amazing Floral Hat Once upon a time, a fancy hat belonging to a very posh lady who was attending the races at Ascot. Through some means that respectable people would never discuss, but involved her and …

How To Give A Sponge Bath To A Honey Badger

...Step One: Find somebody who is really stupid.   The Doclopedia #737 Cool Hats: The Dangerous Derby Looking much like any other derby you might see on the street, this hat is actually a deadly weapon that was enchanted by a Shadow Witch back in 1891. Whenever the wearer of the derby is attacked in …

Chapter 83: In Which Our Hero, In League With The Pirates, Raids A Church Owned Ship And Rescues Many Cats.

...including the King of the Cats With these 4 entries, I now have fewer Doclopedia entries left to reach 500 for the year (Jan. 29 to Jan. 29), than I have days left to do them in. YAY!!!! The Doclopedia #733 What's That Sound?: BANGbang! BONGbong! Bangbangbang! Bongbongbong! If there is any sound more annoying …

The Little Green Women Want Equal Time!

...and by golly, we'll give it to them!   The Doclopedia #732 What's That Sound?: Gnarf, gnarf, gnarf...GLOOP... Gnarf, gnarf, gnarf If you guessed that was the sound of a Hundred Mouthed Yellow Glob eating a dead elf, you are 100% correct. As we all know, the HMYG (or Elfgobbler) is very fond of the …

Mr. Porkwaffle Brews Beer

...a fine brew it is, the aardvark incident notwithstanding. DogCon 5, End Of The Line Well, we're all home now and , it's good to see the old homestead. The bus is parked, the critters are in their proper places, Grace is in bed and I'm about to join her. I hope you all had …

You Can Tune A Piano, But You Can’t Tune A Matamata Turtle

...you thought I'd say "tuna fish", right? The Doclopedia #730 What's That Sound?: Squeee...squeee...squeee...squeee...KLONK! This is, of course, the sound of one of the new Clockwork Executioners limbering up, then administering the blow that severs head from body. Invented in Bavaria by the possibly mad, but undeniably brilliant, clocksmith Rudolf Gortmann around 1730, these Executioners …

Sasha: Fearless Guard Dog

...if she's guarding her food. Otherwise, not so much. DogCon 5, Con Day 3 Recap of Friday: I ran another 4 hour TOON game, ably assisted by my Co-Animator, Cody. After that, I jogged over to the “Ask A GM Anything!” seminar. You could see the predatory look in the eyes of the audience as …

The Old New Stuff

...with a new old coat of paint   Doclopedia entry not available today. Will do 2 or 3 tomorrow.   DogCon 5, Con Day 2 Recap of yesterday... Grace: Played 6 different boardgames, bought a few t-shirts & dice and played in the Livestock LARP with Abby & Bea. I'm told that the LARP was …

Mexican Jenny Stole My Stuffed Fish

...his name was Pete the Perch   The Doclopedia #721 Threesomes!: Annie Carver On the Steampunk Earth #7, Annie Carver is a 25 year old inventor, explorer and champion of equal rights for women. She has made a name for herself by discovering all manner of lost places and creating the inventions that help her …

The Amazing Adventures Of Doctor Tempest And The Master Of Illusion

...from the September, 1897 issue   DogCon 5, Trip Day 12, Con Day Zero, Part 1 When we woke up this morning, Data (our autopilot, if you are just tuning in) had us parked at our final roadside destination: A Trip To Hell. No, it's not a recreation of my first marriage, it's a sort …

The Rare And Beautiful 9 Colored Hovering Blimp Mice Of Potawango Island

...they hover just out of arm's reach, giggling and eating berries   The following Doclopedia entries are part of a new theme with three  entries that link people, places & things. I hope you like it.   The Doclopedia #715 Threesomes!: Falit The Monkey Falit gur Samkali, known to both the criminal underworld and the …

Don’t Open The Door To The Crazy Shed!

...Damn! Too late. The Doclopedia #713 We Haz MORE Technobabble!: Spacial/Temporal Anomaly Deflection Beam If you have ever watched any television science fiction series, you know that space is littered with these annoying anomalies. If your starship even gets too close to one, you're screwed. But fear not, brave spacefarer, because with this handy beam …

Pinball Lizard

...creepy looking, but he can sure play   The Doclopedia #711 We Haz MORE Technobabble!: Electronic Phase Warping Missile It's a missile that can phase right through armor...or buildings...or anything...then explode! Is that cool or what? I mean, you can shoot this bad boy right through a freakin' mountain and it's all “Hello, terrorist douchebags! …

Wombat Ranching Quarterly

...all the latest news for you wombat ranchers   The Doclopedia #709 We Haz MORE Technobabble!: Hypersonic Mental Neutralizer So, let's say most of the humans in your town/city/state/continent/planet go completely bugfuck insane one day. Could be any reason for it, but what can you do to stop these now crazed folks from fucking everything …

R.I P., Mom

...June 1, 1928 - August 10, 2012 My mother, Geraldine Blades, passed away today after a long illness. I left this day's page blank because I knew I would come back and do it when I was ready. Now, 2.5 days later, I'm ready. Someday I'll write a long piece about Mom, but for now …

Chapter 204: In Which Our Hero, Traveling Under Cover Of Darkness And Fog, Seduces The French Queen And Then Steals Her Pig

...later, he and the pig shared some excellent wine   The Doclopedia #703 Mixing Magical Potions: Potion Of Polymorphing + Potion Of Animal Control The mixing of these two potions will have very different effects depending upon the race/species of the consumer. Humans: You will be able to control small mammals for up to an …

Doc Tempest And The Eyes Of Lucifer

... from the Jan. 1966 issue   The Doclopedia #700 Mixing Magical Potions: Potion Of Shadowy Form + Potion Of Speed It is an unfortunate fact that if these two potions are consumed within 4 hours of each other, the consumer will be teleported to the ninth level of Hell for a period of not …

The Incredible Turtle-Man Meets The Evil Supergrannies!

...the battle YOU requested! By Lee & Kirby!   The Doclopedia #695 Mixing Magical Potions: Potion Of Strength + Potion Of Ghostly Form If you drink these two potions within an hour of each other, you may experience one or more of the following side effects in addition to the two potions canceling each other …