How To Give A Sponge Bath To A Honey Badger

…Step One: Find somebody who is really stupid.

 

The Doclopedia #737

Cool Hats: The Dangerous Derby

Looking much like any other derby you might see on the street, this hat is actually a deadly weapon that was enchanted by a Shadow Witch back in 1891. Whenever the wearer of the derby is attacked in any way, the enchantment changes them into a Master of Kung Fu with a really bad attitude. If an attacker is very lucky, they will only get beaten to within an inch of their life. The not so lucky ones get to see their internal organs just before they die.

If the attackers are of a supernatural nature, the enchantment changes the wearer into a Demonic Berserker and that means the attackers are doomed. No trace will be left of them on any plane of existence.

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The Doclopedia #738

Cool Hats: The Fantastic Gardening Hat

This is a typical broad brimmed straw hat that gardeners all over the world like to wear when it’s sunny or rainy out. In particular, this one sports a hatband made of leather with a twining vine motif tooled into it and the entire hat is a pale shade of pastel green.

The fantastical power of this hat is that it gives whomever wears it a green thumb. Whatever they plant will grow and whatever plants they tend will flourish. Fruits, vegetables, herbs and nuts grown in the garden will be extra nutritious.

One other power of the hat is that the garden will do it’s best to protect the owner from harm. Several years ago, local racist thugs had it in for the old man who owned the hat. They decided to go torch his house late one windy night. The next day, the three of them were found pinned under a large limb from an oak tree that had apparently broken off due to the wind. Since all of the evidence was there, they were sent to prison once they got out of the hospital.

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The Doclopedia #739

Cool Hats: The Courage Cap

That common looking baseball cap there? Not so common at all, really. If you put it on, you’ll start to feel more confident and brave every day. Before long, you’ll be saving people from thugs, standing up to the school bully and reporting your bastard of a boss to his superiors. If you were already a brave person, you could very well find yourself going out at night and laying a smackdown on evildoers.

Like we said, the hat is pretty ordinary looking and will always feature the name and colors of whatever Major League team is closest or has the most winning record at the time.

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