…the first of a trilogy
The Doclopedia #810
My Evil Twin: Edmund (Edmund Metheny)
The Evil Twin of Edmund Metheny is Edmund Metheny, a humorless S.O.B. who fell trough an interdimensional rift into our universe. This dominating, cruel and heartless scumbag is the band of Edmund’s existence. In addition, Evil Twin Ed has no facial hair, hates playing any sort of games and thinks all things geeky suck. That really chaps Original Ed’s ass, so he has determined to get Evil Twin Ed out of the picture.
Step one of Ed’s plan is to get Evil Twin Ed involved in some criminal activity so he can end up going to prison. Step two will be to then smuggle an interdimensional rift opener into the prison and use it to send ETE back to his own reality, or at least one other than this one. Exactly where OE will get an interdimensional rift opener has not been determined yet.
Anyway, step one is going well, with certain gamer friends of OE having gotten ETE in on a scam selling property in a place called Katan. ETE is all for selling nonexistent vacation property to rubes if the money is right, which it sure enough is. What he doesn’t know is that his “business partners” have trashed their fake identities, put everything in his name and called the FBI in to bust his ass. Any day now, they’ll slap the cuffs on him.
Meanwhile, OE and his geek buddies think that they may know how to build an interdimensional rift opener, if they can just find a 1958 Cadillac, 34 microwave ovens and a life size statue of Elvis made completely out of copper.
The Doclopedia #811
My Evil Twin: Lorac (Carol Robinson)
Who could have guessed that Lorac the Unspeakable, one of the 5 Most Terribly Fearsome Wizards Of All Time (number four if you don’t count Ferzif The Half-Dead, and many didn’t) was the Evil (and in this case, Evil is not just a cute term) Twin of Carol Robinson, an typical suburban homeowner? Well, nobody could, really, especially Lorac and Carol.
So, when Lorac was banished to our world with only a tiny fraction of her normal magical powers, She was really pissed off. Finding out that the version of her that lived here was, in Lorac’s words, “a powerless nobody”, only pissed her off more. In fact, it pissed her off enough that she cast the Spell of Proximity Cancellation. That spell causes Carol to disappear if Lorac gets within 100 miles of her. Fortunately, she reappears somewhere else outside the100 mile zone, but it’s a huge pain in the ass to deal with and if Lorac hangs around, Carol has to find a place to stay for the duration.
One bright side to Carol’s plight is that she recently found out that she and Lorac are kinda sorta linked on the psychic level. Specifically, if Carol concentrates hard enough, she can cause Lorac to have the uncontrollable urge to pee. So far, Lorac has found her plans to dominate our world confounded by a near total lack of bladder control. Really, it’s pretty hard to intimidate the UN when you suddenly wet yourself in mid-threat.
Meanwhile, Carol has taken to carrying an overnight bag with her at all times, as well as enough money for a long bus ride.
The Doclopedia #812
My Evil Twin: Elise (Lisa Alber)
Many of us have tried to lose weight, with varying degrees of success both in the losing and in the keeping it off. Lisa was no different, so she tried to be a healthy eater and get some exercise. Mostly, she did ok, but then there would be a party or something and there would be sweets and the next thing you know her pants were getting tight again. It could get discouraging.
Just to make things worse for Lisa, her Evil Twin, Elise, blew into town. Elise was thin and looked good in any sort of clothing. Even worse, she could eat an entire rack of custard filled donuts and not gain a friggin’ ounce! Oh, how Lisa hated her. Actually, pretty much every woman who knew Elise hated her. Several men did, too. Let’s face it, skinny bitches don’t get much love from chubby folks.
From time to time, Elise will leave town to go do modeling in Paris or someplace. These trips are pretty much the only thing stopping her from being lynched. Meanwhile, Lisa and the other non-skinny folks keep eating their salads, hitting the gym and talking smack about that cake eating twit, Elise.