…but let’s not tell mommy & daddy about it until AFTER we cook, ok?
The Doclopedia #754
Alt. Most Wanted: Zeke Terrier
Zeke is a homeless terrier mix who runs loose in Feenyville, Virginia. He has a short, wiry grey & white coat and floppy ears. Zeke weighs about 40 pounds and has a bobbed off tail.
This dog is wanted for stealing the toys of other dogs, pooping on front porches so other dogs get blamed, eating cat food that folks leave outside, knocking over trash cans and marking his territory everywhere. He is also wanted for questioning in the pregnancy of several bitches.
If you see Zeke, call the Dog Police and report his whereabouts immediately. The reward for his capture is up to 6 bones, three jerky treats, two squeaky toys and a dead squirrel.
The Doclopedia #755
Alt. Most Wanted: The League Of Extraordinary Gamemasters
This organization of madmen/women is wanted for the following crimes: wanton killing of player characters, convoluted plots, tightfistedness with experience points, dice fudging, arcane house rules, giving and/or inferring false information to players, winging it, changing monster power levels mid-game, not fully explaining what a gazebo is, changing rules systems and/or campaigns without at least 30 days notice in writing, the Head of Goddamn Vecna!, crappy loot, dumb jokes and eating the last Little Debbie Swiss Rolls.
If you see any of these despicable bastards/bitches, pelt them with dice, squirt them with Mountain Dew and beat them unconscious with a nice thick core rules book. After that, haul them to the High Court Of Gaming Justice for their trial and punishment.