…in fantastic Electrovision!
The Doclopedia #760
Readers Secret Identities: Anna, The Undecided (Anna Dobritt)
The people of Earth 54 really wish Queen Anna would hurry up and decide if she wants to conquer the neighboring planet Mars or just establish some sort of trade agreement with it. She’s been on the fence ever since she ascended to the throne back in 2021, when her sister, the former Queen, ran off to become a hairdresser in Onkly, Ohio.
Until she decides, nobody knows what the tax rate will be, if there will be lots of wartime jobs or if there will be a draft. Frankly, it’s pissing a whole lot of people off.
The Doclopedia #761
Readers Secret Identities: Kim, The Abnormal (Kim Marshall)
In the Land of Freakulon, poor Kim is definitely abnormal. Unlike the other people of that land, she has but two eyes, one nose, one mouth and two ears on her single head. Her limbs are symmetrical and she only has two of each. The sad fact is, she is pretty much identical to a normal human. People are polite to her, but she sees how little children stare and how some folks cross the street when they see her coming.
The one bright spot in her life comes from the fact that she is in big demand for horror movies and has made quite a pile of money from them. Still, this is little comfort when you can’t get a date on Saturday night.
The Doclopedia #762
Readers Secret Identities: Avis, The Procrastination Queen (Avis Crane)
On May 3rd, 2044, Death paid a visit to Avis. It went like this…
Death: Avis, I’ve come to tell you that your time is nigh. I like to give those people of your age a bit of warning, so you may calm yourself and set your affairs in order. I shall return in three weeks.
Avis: Holy Cow! Umm, Ok, Death, I’ll get right on it. See you in three weeks.
Three weeks later…
Death: Avis, I have come for yo…you aren’t ready?
Avis: Oh jeez, I am so sorry, Death. I got to reading a book about marsupials, then the newest Mary Potter book came out and then I got a chance to go to Montana. I completely forgot about you. Can I have a second chance?
Death: Well, I’m pretty busy just now…war is about to break out between Doofistan and Wankistan…and then there’s that big Japanese earthquake. Ok, I’ll be back in, say, 9 months. You be readyu, ok.
Avis: Oh, I will, for sure this time. I’ll even program it into my genius phone.
Death: Ok, see you then.
Unfortunately, the war heated up and spilled over into Punkistan, Blorkvania, Turdistan and Plotskia, keeping Death busy for 4 years. By then, there was a plague in Asia and a big earthquake in Chile. As a result, Death didn’t get back to Avis for 6 years.
Death: Oh man, Avis, I am so sorry. Things got crazy busy and I…what the hell? You aren’t ready yet?
Avis: Well, umm, I was ready, but you never showed up, so I just went about my business. Not my fault.
Death: Yes, well, ok. My bad. Can you be ready in 6 weeks?
Avis: I suppose so.
Death: Ok then, I’ll be back then. Be ready! In fact, just in case I get busy, here’s my cell number. Call me in 6 weeks!
Avis: Will do!
But once again, Death got busy and 5 years passed before he got back to Avis, who by now was 101 years old.
Death: Ok, I fucked up again, but…Oh for chrissake, Avis, you STILL aren’t ready? Why didn’t you call me?
Avis: Well, I was going to, but then I got to go to GenCon after several years of not going. And I started a new book series. And…
Death: Ok, look, I’m taking you now. You’ve outlived everybody you knew..
Death: …so it’s no biggie there. Your affairs can take care of themselves
Avis: I don’t suppose you’d give me a few days to watch the season finale of Doctor Who, would you?