The Wickedly Funny, But Still Educational, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Pig Men From Mars

…co-starring her little brother, Outrageously Orange Oscar

The Doclopedia #765

Readers Secret Identities: Ginie, The Professional Polyglot     (Ginie Murphy)

To be correct, Ginie is a hyperpolyglot because she speaks dozens of languages fluently. If you need somebody to speak French or Russian or Tagalog or High Elvish, Ginie is your woman. She charges by the hour or, if you have a lengthy job, by the day. You pay any transportation costs, plus housing and meals. Some of her references are…

Managed to broker a lasting peace in the war between Chickens and Ducks because of her ability to speak Common Poultry.

She undertook a secret mission for the United Nations into Africa because she could speak the languages of the five tribes involved in a conflict.

Taught Navajos to speak Mandarin and Chinese to speak Navajo, so business deals could go smoothly.

Was the Official First Contact Greeter when the Vulcans first landed on Earth.

Has narrated dozens of audio books in Dwarvish.

Due to her fluency in Dog and Cat, can train these animals in record time.

When REALLY angry, can curse for up to 3 hours straight in 137 languages and never repeat herself.

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The Doclopedia #766

Readers Secret Identities: Big Al, The Cyberthief     (Alan Portman)

Oh yeah, he looks like any normal pizza delivery guy by day, but by night, Big Al is the terror of cyberspace. Once he turns on his neural implants and pops into CyberWorld, nothing is safe. Your mom’s passwords? He’ll get ’em. Billions of hidden dollars in offshore accounts? He’ll transfer them to charities (after taking a nice “finder’s fee”) and then leave rude notes to the crooks in their empty accounts. Rival pizza companies? He’ll send 200 all meat pizzas to a school, but pay for them with money from the store’s account.

The CyberWorld Police Force want Big All so bad they can taste it. The same goes for most of the real world law enforcement community. Good luck with that, coppers, because Big Al doesn’t leave any clues unless he chooses to.

In CyberWorld, Big All is dashing, debonair and ruggedly handsome. In the real world, he looks pretty much like your average suburban dad who always smells slightly of pizza.

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The Doclopedia #767

Readers Secret Identities: Carol The Deceptively Innocuous     (Carol Robinson)

To the casual observer, Carol is just a nice retired lady who lives in an ordinary house with her husband. She’s a good neighbor and pleasant to talk to. Your mom or grandmother is probably a lot like her.

HA! HA, we say! Nothing could be further from the truth!

In reality, behind closed doors and deep below her suburban home, Carol is that mysterious Evil Genius known as Dr. Destiny and she’s out to conquer the world! Bwahahaha!

Aided by her husband, whom the knows as Captain Calamity, and legions of faithful minions, Carol plots the acts of vile villainy that will hurl the world into chaos, at which point she will emerge to take control and rule with an iron fist! Oh yes, they laughed at her at the International Congress of Scientists all those decades ago, but they won’t be laughing when she unleashes her Zombie Hordes or her Flying Sharks or her Giant Robotic Echidnas! Oh no, they won’t laugh then.

But until that day comes, she has fresh picked peaches and zuchinni bread to share with the neighbors.

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One comment on “The Wickedly Funny, But Still Educational, Story Of Mostly Purple Patty And The Pig Men From Mars

  1. Deb Romano says:

    An afternoon laughter break – just what I needed!

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