…with funny hats!
The Doclopedia #784
Scoundrels & Scalawags: Cap’n Priscilla Panther
On Planet Toon, Cap’n Panther is the scourge of the 27 Seas! Along with the crew of her ship, “The Rampaging Loon”, she sails around looking for fat merchant ships to plunder. Barring that, she will plunder skinny merchant ships. She is also always on the lookout for ships carrying casks of wine and rum, because, hey, PIRATES!
Cap’n Panther stands 6’6″ tall and has tawny brown fur, big green eyes and a mouth full of very sharp teeth. In her Back Pocket, she carries a bag of Attack Squids, a bucket of glue and a treasure map. Her beliefs are simple: I’m a pirate, so I can do pretty much whatever I want, whenever I want. Also, dropping anvils on morons is big fun!
While any type of rodent or poultry are on her food menu, hunky looking males of almost any species are on her romance menu. And brother, she hasn’t had even a taste of romance in a long time! Be afraid…be very afraid, because Cap’n Priscilla goes after men the way she goes after a tasty snack.
In her spare time, Cap’n Panther enjoys dropping anvils on the heads of morons, singing “The Pirates Life For Me” and making people walk the plank while juggling sharks.
Cap’n Priscilla’s greatest enemy is Cap’n Lily Lion, captain of “The Sea Monster” and a very dangerous opponent indeed.
The Doclopedia #785
Scoundrels & Scalawags: Fresno Freddie
Frederick “Fresno Freddie” Hagajanian was born of an Armenian father and a Portuguese mother in Fresno, California in 1909. By age 12 he was running with the wrong crowd and by the time he was 14, he was working with a husband and wife team of grifters in the Los Angeles area, from whom he learned a great deal about the Art of the Con. By the time of the Great Depression, he was an accomplished con man and remains one today.
Freddie does it all: long cons, pigeon drops, real estate rackets, wealthy widow scams, badger games, stock swindles…you name it, he does it. Since 1938, he has worked with his wife, Hildy, a natural born actress of great skill, and his best friend, Jack, a man of mixed racial heritage who “can play anybody from a Mexican lawyer to an Arab peasant”. Later, they were joined by Jack’s wife, Emmie, who is a mathematical prodigy and “as innocent looking a person as you’d ever want to meet”.
In recent years, they have stuck to the West Coast, but every so often they travel to other states where “the greed is wide and the money is deep”. They are especially fond of grifting in the Deep South, because it allows them to stick it to racists. The story of how they conned the Mississippi Klu Klux Klan out of $50,000 dollars in 1952 is a classic
Altho Freddie once plied his trade in Europe to great profit, he has not been there in many years, due to his fear of flying and Hildy’s bad seasickness. Still, they have plans for a trip soon, because they just can’t resist “all of that money those Eastern European mob guys have laying around”. No doubt this will be part of a very long con that Jack & Emmie have been setting up over the last decade or so.
While money is never a problem, Freddie & Hildy would be a lot richer if he weren’t constantly shoveling money to his less than smart relatives and in laws. His brother in law Frank alone has tapped him a dozen times.
While Freddie has a respectful admiration for thieves, he almost never joins in the jobs of his thieving friends. The big exception to this would be “The Adventure of the Greedy Grandfather”, which combined a masterful art scam with a daring burglary and a bit of romance. It ended with Freddie, Hildy & Emmie being “killed” by Jack and his accomplices, while the scam/burglary victim was “lucky to escape” back to a home devoid of valuable works of art.
In his spare time, Freddie enjoys staying in fine hotels, eating fine food and telling grifter stories to young people.