I Rested My Kindle On An IPad In A Nook

…and suddenly gained super powers!

 

The Doclopedia #804

My Evil Twin: Francis Mary (Mary Garrett)

Mary Francis was, by and large, a very nice lady. Everyone she met agreed that she was helpful, pleasant and generally not a troublemaker. She was just a really sweet and average kind of person.

When her Evil Twin, Francis Mary blew into town driving a little red sports car and sporting a bad attitude, things got real interestin’. See, at first, when folks saw that red hot rod drive up with who they thought was Mary Francis in it, the figured she must have won the lottery. But when they saw her get out of the car and light up a cigar, they knew something was wrong. When she looked at the gathered crowd and said, “What the hell are you slackjawed assholes looking at?”, they knew this was not their kindly neighbor lady.

Francis Mary got the best room in the best hotel in town and soon had the gossip mill buzzing. She was drinking every night in the better sort of bars, eating entire pies of the dessert cart at the finest restaurants and dallying about with a series of younger men. The town was scandalized!

Mary Francis tried to persuade her to leave, but to no avail. Francis Mary just laughed at her and called her “The Queen of Wimps. Terribly upset by that, Mary Francis had no choice but to pull out the big guns: Aunt Verna and Aunt Lou.

These two Aunts were not only feared by family members, they feared by most people in a 5 state area. They were so sharp tongued, opinionated, vocal, obscene and long winded that Aunt Verna once peeled all of the paint off of Uncle Ray’s new 1957 Cadillac just by staring at it too hard and giving it a backassed compliment. Aunt Lou had driven her first three husbands to drink, but her fourth husband, Moe, was deaf and so was only driven to golfing 6 days a week.

When the Terror Aunts caught up with Francis Mary, it was not a case of the shit hitting the fan, but more a case of A mountain of assorted poop hitting a Class 4 Hurricane during a meteor strike. Poor Mr . Higwell, who managed the Hilton Hotel, had a nervous breakdown as all of his guests and staff fled in terror. The police surrounded the building, but even the SWAT team would not go inside. Watching the whole thing on TV, Mary Francis hoped that the property damage would be minimal.

In the end, Francis Mary left town in a screech of burning rubber and obscene cursing, the two aunts went home to berate their respective husbands and Mary Francis went back to her nice sedate life. The townsfolk eventually went back to normal gossip a month or so later,

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One comment on “I Rested My Kindle On An IPad In A Nook

  1. Thanks, Doc, for getting the goods on that wild child Frances Mary.

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