The Sad Ballad Of Jim The Jackalope

…coyotes sing four part harmony

 

The Doclopedia #870

Random Stuff!: Ratburger

 

After a terrible screw up with GMO grains in 2014, most of the cattle, goats, sheep, poultry & pigs on the planet died out. You might think this would be terrible news for the nutrition of the human populace, but at the same time the livestock were dying, the common brown rat was mutating into a 1,000 pound giant that people eventually found was good eatin’.

 

Most of the big fast food chains either closed down or switched to soy or veggie burgers, but all of them were trying to figure out how they might use rat meat without the public getting wise to it. After all, ratburgers would be a PR nightmare, right?

 

Nope. One small midwestern chain, Bill’s Burgers, decided to just say screw it and start selling ratburgers right out in the open rather than close their 24 stores. The owner, Bill Huggins, figured people would either eat the burgers or not, so what the hell.

 

His bet paid off big time. It seems people were hungry for real meat burgers and after seeing the ads about how these giant rats were raised in sanitary & disease free conditions, they gave it a try. Besides, veggie burgers just plain sucked. Within a year, Bill had stores on both coasts and after two years, he had 200 stores total. The third year, he bought the Burger Duke & Windee’s chains. In year four, he bought Taco Bull and opened 300 new stores. By 2020, Ratburgers (the chain’s new name) had 9,000 stores worldwide. The money was just rolling in like a ratburger tsunami.

 

Rumor has it that the company is looking to diversify by buying the Kentucky Fried Pheasant chain.

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The Doclopedia #871

Random Stuff!: The Mental Empowerment Machine

 

From the “London Science! News”, July 12th, 1887

This amazing machine, powered by steam and exemplifying all that is great about Science!, uses electricity and chemistry to alter the mind of the subject in such a way as to cause even the most dull witted of men to become geniuses! After only 6 hours of treatment, a common laborer from the countryside was able to read and understand great literature as well as grasp higher mathematics. Think of it: an end to dullwittedness among Englishmen, thus leading to the greater glory of the Empire! Come and see and sign up to be treated by this great device in action tonight at the Grand Hall of Science! at 7:30.

 

Please note: Treatments given to men of good British lineage only. No Europeans, Americans, people of color or women will be treated. Men of superior intellect need not apply.

 

(Sadly, the device was stolen mere hours before it could be shown off. Rather amazing, really, since it was roughly the size of a modern deluxe motorhome and weighed 9 tons. Even worse, it was stolen by women, who used it to make vast numbers of their sex into geniuses who eventually took control of the world. Her Majesty, Queen Victoria, was most amused and pleased by this.)

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The Doclopedia #872

Random Stuff!: Dungeons R Us

 

This company builds dungeons for use with Live Action Roleplaying Games (LARPs). These dungeons are almost always set up in a large warehouse and can be up to three levels deep. Since the entire dungeon is made of reuseable and reconfigurable sections, setup is fast & easy. Rental for a three level dungeon with up to 90 rooms is $9,000.00 for 24 hours. LARPers are expected to provide their own monsters, treasures and any dungeon accessories not provided with the dungeon. Installation of webcams to vidcast the entire adventure are available for an extra fee.

 

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