…to feed them treats
Hi Ho, Gentle Readers! Today, we start the not necessarily daily return of the Doclopedia. Our theme, in honor of the season, is Alt. Santa Claus.
The Doclopedia #894
Alt. Santa Claus: Santa Claws
On CatEarth, Santa is a large chubby tabby cat who brings cat toys and other goodies to all kitties. He does not distinguish between good or bad, since that’s just a matter of how a cat is feeling at any given moment.
Santa Claws rides around in a combination cat bed/sleigh pulled by eight dogs, whom he has named Dumb Dog, Stupid Dog, Stinky Dog, Ugly Dog, Idiot Dog, Nitwit Dog, Gross Dog and Really Ugly Dog. He does not climb down chimneys, because that would get him all dirty. Instead, he just walks right in the front door.
If little kitties leave Santa Claws treats, and we mean the really good treats, not that cheap stuff, he leaves them presents. If they don’t leave treats, he craps on the Catsmas tree, sprays the couch and leaves.
Santa Claws only works on Catsmas Eve. The rest of the year, he rests after all that work.