The 43 Things You Shouldn’t Sleep With

…#1: ex-wives


The Doclopedia #988

Poultry That Saved The Day: The Turkey Who Saved The Queen Genre: Humor

Good Queen Graciella was much beloved by her subjects in the kingdom of Artvisia. She was a young woman, but wise and just and caring, just as her mother had been during the 30 years of her reign. Even more importantly to this tale than the love of her subjects is the fact that Graciella was loved by all the animals she ever met, most importantly, a young hen turkey named Mona.

Now, Mona was not your ordinary turkey. She had been gifted to the Queen (who loved farm animals) from the Wizard Tordell, with whom the young queen had a romantic understanding. Mona was easily half again larger than a large tom turkey and many times smarter, which is not saying that much, really, since the average turkey has a brain the size of a pea. Still, she was pretty smart and the Queen had taught her a number of tricks.

Well, one day, an evil king from the land of Curkasa had his Wizard teleport a group of Forest Goblins into Graciella’s castle, so as to abduct her. Their attack was swift, leaving the Queen only enough time to tell Mona to run to Tordell’s tower and bring him to the castle. Mona took off to do this just as the goblins grabbed up the Queen and were teleported away.

It took Mona less that 15 minutes to reach the tower, where Tordell was pretty quick to understand that something bad was up. He followed Mona back to the castle, where he found out from the folks there what had happened. Within the hour, the full army of Artvisia, with Tordell in the lead, was on their way to the border with Curkasa. Unfortunately, once they got there, they found the border sealed by powerful magical forces. No human or horse could get through. A goblin informed them that the King demanded their surrender and that Artvisia become part of Curkasa or the Queen would die.

Thinking quickly, Tordell took Mona and snuck off out of view. There, he gave Mona a Potion of Rapid Movement, then placed another potion in a small pouch that he put around Mona’s neck. The turkey then took off at an astounding speed towards Castle Curkasa. The magical barrier, not having been built to keep out most animals, did not stop her. Within the hour, Mona was at the castle, but it took her another hour to sneak in and find Graciella, who gave her a big hug and then drank the potion, which was a Potion of Monstrous Rage.

What happened next involved the Queen becoming insanely angry, growing to 5 times her normal size and pretty much demolishing Castle Curkasa. When she caught the evil King, she threw him 500 feet into a group of fleeing goblins. It was not pretty. Meanwhile, Mona was racing around at roughly 90 miles an hour pecking and clawing anybody she saw. By the time the potions wore off the castle was in ruins and many bad people and goblins were dead.

Some weeks later, Queen Graciella married Wizard Tordell in a ceremony so beautiful, it was celebrated in songs and artwork for centuries. Her Maid of Honor was Lady Mona, the Turkey who saved the Queen.


One comment on “The 43 Things You Shouldn’t Sleep With

  1. I do so love a happy ending!! Wonderful!

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